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Working mom guilt: Nothing rational about it, but it doesn't make it go away

Yesterday my husband sent me an IM to say that the teacher from school had called him (my cell has no reception in the house for some reason) and our daughter was spiking a 103 fever.

As soon as I IMed him back that I was running out to get her, I felt a huge pang of guilt. That morning she wasn't herself -- quieter, calmer, more tired looking. She had coughed over the weekend, but had no fever, so we figured she was fine for school and just didn't sleep too well. I felt horrible for sending her to school sick...

And here's the thing -- as I drove to school to get her, I had this rational talk with myself about how she didn't seem sick, this happens, no big deal, give yourself a break, etc. It was a really nice pep talk, you'd be proud of me. And I assured myself that look, you're going to get her, and take care of her and all will be good.

But you know what? I felt horribly guilty anyway. It's not rational, but this working mom guilt thing is just part of my being:)

20 comments so far...

I can totally relate. My Big Guy has terrible allergies and it's always a guilt trip to send him to school. We walk a fine line when determine if he is truly "sick" or just having sinus troubles...like today.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by hot_shuz on 4th April 2008
I've been a working mom, an at-home mom, a part-time working mom, a student mom, a freelancing mom, and no matter what category you're in, a sick kid makes you feel guilty. It's just a mom thing! She won't remember a thing about it, so don't beat yourself up. (and don't give her any tylenol -- a kid with a fever is much more low key and compliant than one that thinks they're "all better". I use the "let the body do it's thing" excuse to make my own life easier. I admit it. But I'm the laziest parent I know.)

I hope she feels better and you get some good cuddles out of it!

Sarah

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Sarah F. on 3rd April 2008
I would say that all working Moms have the guilt. As a result of that guilt, I try to spend as much time as possible with my son on the weekends,,,,,and in turn never have time for myself. Its a never ending battle. I wish the world we live in was not so expensive that way we all could stay home with our kids...:)

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Susiemae on 2nd April 2008
I would say that all working Moms have the guilt. As a result of that guilt, I try to spend as much time as possible with my son on the weekends,,,,,and in turn never have time for myself. Its a never ending battle. I wish the world we live in was not so expensive that way we all could stay home with our kids...:)

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Susiemae on 2nd April 2008
Can I just say how nice it is to know that I am not the only nut who feels this way:)? Still sick, it's our 3rd day at home juggling away, and now of course the work guilt is piling up:)

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Nataly on 2nd April 2008
Poor girl and poor you! It's hard not to beat ourselves up. And working mom guilt is especially egregious. But please be gentle with yourself.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Kat on 2nd April 2008
I'm so sorry your baby is sick, and I totally get your feelings....because I was a working mom and did the same thing! However, here's a different point of view to look at and see the irony....my mom didn't work when I was young and sent me to school sick many times. When the school called to come and get me, she did....but here's the thing...she didn't feel guilty about it....it's only because we actually have other things to do that we think we're being *bad*....if we were all stay at home moms, would we still feel the guilt? Discuss! :)

Flag as inappropriate Posted by CherylF on 2nd April 2008
I cannot say do not feel guilty, if I knew how to do that I would be worth a million. Ask your husband if he feels guilty, I bet not. Some how we women have that jean! Do it all. Be the best. Have a clean house. Make lots of money. Keep up with style. Cook a good meal. You are a good mom, you went and picked her up didn't you!? Hope she is feeling better! Smiles

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Shelleen McHale on 2nd April 2008
Hi Nataly,
I have had the same thing happen to me. That being said, the school system now is pushing parents to send their kids to school if they don't have any significant symptoms. In CT, they are counting the unexcused absences, threatening parents with DCF. Ridiculous!

Flag as inappropriate Posted by jules on 2nd April 2008
I have been there done that! I wish we could turn off that guilt area of our brain sometimes.

It's hardest to forgive ourselves but we all do the best we can and of course we don't do anything to intentially make ourselves or our kids suffer.

I'm in the middle of 'trying' to read A New Earth and it talks about our thoughts are what makes us feel certain ways and we need to realize that our thoughts are not all of who we are. Just a mere thought can change our mood and outlook on life instantly.

Hope she gets better soon!

Aruni

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Aruni Gunasegaram on 2nd April 2008
I truly know how you feel. My youngest daughter developed RSV before she was a month old. Someone told me that it was probably because I took her to church and had her around all those people all the time. I felt horribly guilty like it was my fault in some way that my daughter had ben so sick. I also feel guilty because I'm not as sympathetic when my older daughter is sick anymore because I think she's stronger and going to be alright.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by akk on 2nd April 2008
Don't beat yourself up. You can't keep her home every time she sneezes.

My son is not even a year old and I can already say, been there... I was walking into a meeting a few weeks ago, after dropping off my son who didn't seem himself, then driving 300 miles for this meeting, when my husband sent a text that he was on his way to get our son b/c he had a fever. Talk about feeling guilty and helpless. I had to drive the 4 hours home after the meeting feeling like a neglectful mom. My husband is more than capable of caring for him, but there is something about being the mommy that makes you feel like you have to be there.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by BrendaG on 2nd April 2008