Change can be really scary. Most of us don't like it, or we certainly don't embrace it easily. It's how we get stuck in the ruts we find ourselves in, particularly when it comes to jobs and money. As bad as it sounds, we get comfortable in our paycheck to paycheck lives. I realize that none of us that live like this are actually comfortable worrying about whether we should pay the power bill or if we will have enough groceries or gas to last until payday. What I mean is, we are too scared to get off that track because if we fail, how bad off will we be then?
I've made small steps towards change in the last year. A lot of it was spurred on by my need to actually see my kids. For my oldest son's entire year of kindergarten, I worked 5 to 6 evenings a week. I am a server in a restaurant, and the money is in the evening shifts. On the week nights that I worked, I saw my son for 30 minutes in the morning. That's it. When I left to go to work, he wasn't home from school yet, and when I got in from work, he was already in the bed asleep. The 30 minutes I had with him was spent yelling 'where are your shoes??" "did you eat your breakfast??' " did you get your homework in your backpack". My husband was practically a single father.
As the birth of our daughter approached, I knew I had to do something. I couldn't take it anymore. I could see the effect it was having on my children, and now I was about to add a third child to that. I found BookWise, and my life started to change. After my daughter was born last October, I did return to work, but I cut my schedule in half. I am working hard to be done working outside my home by the end of summer, when both my oldest and my middle child start school. It's been slow, but I am learning and I am progressing.
On Tuesday night, BookWise held a webcast and announced some major changes with our company. When I say changes, I mean CHANGES. Everything is changing, starting June 1st. My first response was panic. What was going to happen now? What if I can't do this? This is like a whole new business. I spent all Tuesday night worrying that I was going to have to quit my business, the one thing in my life that was going to bring me home. I started to worry about money, and the thought of having to go back to work full time. I was scared to death.