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Stepping onto the Mommy track

Posted 23rd September 2007 by jlauren, tagged law, part time, work life balance, mommy track, stepping out

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Then, they gave me a trial.  Trial work is my dream.  No one in civil litigation, at a big firm, gets to do a trial their first year.  Ok, some people do, but it's not normal.  In fact, I know people who have practiced civil litigation for YEARS and never tried a case.  It hasn't ended yet, so who knows if I'll win this one, but I love my clients, they are wonderful people who deserve to win.  I close the case Monday.

In the midst of all of this, I see a small ad.  Wanted: contract attorney, flexible schedule, work from home ok, civil litigation.  It's close tho home.  I talk to the guy and find out he's looking for a working mom, he has kids, he wants someone who needs a more balanced life.  He offers me $XX per hour.  He says after he gets to know me I can try his cases.  He does not care when I work, where I work, or how much vacation I take.  This job, as far as I have ever heard, does not exist.  He offers it to me less than a week after I initially saw his ad.

Problem is, I love my job.  I've never had a job where they were so exicted about me and the feeling was mutual.  But I quit.  Happily, walking on air, giddy, I quit.

So my last day is Tuesday.  I'm going back Friday to argue a motion for that partner who thought I'd lose the first time.  But my last day in my office, in my highrise overlooking the city, is Tuesday.  And suddenly I'm a little sad.

I'm sad for the person I wanted to be when I went to law school.  I'm sad for the career I could have had if I was a stronger person, if I needed less sleep and was willing to sacrifice more.  I'm just not that way anymore.  I wish I was.

And, I'm a little afraid.  What if those extra hours I get with my boy each week are too late?  He's very independent now, even for a toddler.  Sometimes he does not want anything to do with me, and he usually prefers his dad.  Why am I doing this?  What if I'm just not mommy material the way I am apparently lawyer material?

I guess I'll find out.





4 comments so far...

  • Thanks for your support everyone. I think it will be a great move. : ) Today is my last day at the old job, I'm spending it cleaning my desk, going to lunch, and generally chatting with people. I do have to tell a client, who has become very close. I'm not looking forward to that one.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by jlauren on 25th September 2007

  • I really hope the best for you! I work full time hours but am fortunately only a few blocks from home. I go home for lunch so I come back 1/2 the time with food on me from holding her while letting her eat lunch with me. We have to dress business casual though, so I try to recompose myself before returning.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Marcia on 24th September 2007

  • That's amazing! I think that we really do have to tell the universe what we need and allow it to provide for us. Thanks for sharing.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by mamajama on 23rd September 2007

  • Thank you so much for sharing this. (I was going to write that you should publish this as an article and then I saw that you did - thank you!) I think what you wrote about is what so many of us struggle with. We want to see our kids more and yet we like our jobs, we're great at them, and we want to maintain the many identities we have besides just being moms.

    I wish you the best of luck with this move and I am hoping that you'll post about it here.

    And while this is completely not my place to say this, don't be sad for the person you think you should be - stronger, able to work 10 hours a day and be away from your son. I think what's your doing might turn out to be the best thing. (I had a crazy career for years - working 10-12 hours a day - after my daughter was born, everything changed. My ambitions were different, what I was willing to give up was different. Yes, I am a different person now, but my ambitions aren't gone - they are different. Perhaps the same is true for you?)

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Nataly on 23rd September 2007

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