"So, when are we going to have the second one?" my husband asked the day we arrived home from the hospital with our first child.
"Never." I responded as I gingerly sat down at the kitchen table. I was still sore from the delivery.
"You don't mean that!" my husband exclaimed. I just glared in silence.
Eleven months have passed since that conversation and, despite the drama of post-partum blues, night time awakenings, daily nursing/pumping, daycare, and now pre-toddler tantrums , I have this inexplicably strong desire to have a second baby.
To say that "now is not a good time," is definitely an understatment: I'm on track to graduate in June 09. Between now and then, I have a research project to start and complete, a graduation paper to write, a future work assignment to secure and relocation to navigate. Every sane fiber in me says, "not now!"
But, I just can't shake this feeling. My son is such a joy. He has enhanced our lives by an unmeasurable degree. And, it would be so nice to complete our family with one more little munchkin who giggles and babbles and screams. One more little munchkin to hold and caress and nuture.
The insanity of these thoughts become become less so when I think about the life force of a family. My family sustains and affirms me. It gives purpose and clarity to my existence in a way that work never can. So, in the midst of all these pending goals and suspenses, commitment to family and it's development is so much more important to me, to us.
So, as I inch closer to that second baby, I smile and welcome the challenges which lay ahead wth the confidence of a woman who understands what is most important.