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Living the cliche

I'm leaving for a convention on Tuesday.  I am nervous.  I worried about meeting all those people.  I worried about feeling out of place and provincial.  I was feeling all of these things as I left to run some last minute errands.  One of the things I needed to buy was a new pair of comfortable shoes.  I'm going to be on my feet a lot at the convention.  My old comfortable shoes are technically still wearable, but they're in that gray area just beyond shabby and prior to catastrophic failure.  I knew I could not feel professional while wearing shoes that are older than half of my children.  Target had a clearance aisle full of shoes.  I found a pair of shoes that look nice and make my feet feel like I tucked them into bed.  I also found a pair of dress-casual shoes and a pair of dressy shoes.  I bought all three pairs.  The last time I bought myself new shoes was...last summer when I had a convention to attend.  Hmm.  Twice can be a coincidence, right?  I don't want to think of myself as a woman who staves off her insecurities with shoe purchases.  It isn't like I have a closet full of shoes.  Really.  Prior to last summer's convention shoes, I hadn't bought shoes for nigh on 4 years.

All rationalizations aside, I can not deny the fact that prior to the purchase of the shoes I was nervous and anxious.  After the purchase of the shoes I can picture myself being confident, well-dressed, and professional.  The difference of course is not in the shoes, but in how I feel about my presentation of myself.  I could possibly have come to the same emotional place by carefully planning my wardrobe from things I already have.  Or maybe not, because the new shoes fill in gaps that I've been working around for a long time.

Sigh.  I just need to accept that fashion matters to me and that I feel better about myself when I'm dressed well.  Fortunately for our budget, my definition of "dressed well" includes second-hand clothing and clearance shoes from Target.