I had to take some time away from "virtual world" to get myself together. It's amazing how we let our emotions cloud our common sense, but allow it we do. It's been an interesting few weeks. I've cried, felt on the verge of a breakdown, picked myself up, fell back down. The more I tried to be strong, the more weak I felt. So where's the lemonade?
Well, this has certainly been a time for reflection for me. While I consider myself a Christian, I am not yet well-versed enough to quote scripture. However, I've heard the message "Let go and Let God" over and over in some form over the years... and I've finally decided to listen. I don't like preachy people. I believe that I share my story and it's God's job to deal with you personally, so please don't take this as someone's attempt to convert you to some way of thinking.
What I want to share is this, having somewhere to lay your burdens is a beautiful thing. I truly believe that the Source speaks to me daily and sends people in my life to lift me up (whether here online or in real everyday life). I have been given a message of love. Come from love, strive to act in love everyday, treat others with love. And most importantly, love myself. This was the key. Let go and love!
Now that I'm working towards putting my focus on me and not what I want to be with my husband, I'm able to cope. I can CONTROL me. I can LOVE me. And I can pray everyday for a little peace. I'm eating again (which I can tell you is important because I was barely 105 pounds and almost 5'8"). I'm smiling again. I'm laughing again. It's hard work each and every day. But it's doable.
Ah, the sweet taste of lemonade.
(dedicated to Amanda)