Like a teenager...
A younger me used to love writing. I used to keep a diary. It seemed that I was never in a place where I wanted to be. I yearned to be in a different place back then.And, now eight years out on my own, 6 years with my husband, 5 years as a mom, married for five years, and three kids later...that feeling or a small degree of that feeling is still there. I hate feeling tired, stressed, unvaluable. I am a stay at home mom. Most happen to look down on stay at home moms. The job is challenging, rewarding but not for me.I love my children but I would be a better mom and wife if I was out in the workforce.
I feel a little depressed at times. Wishing that maybe I had done some things different...perhaps earned a degree, or even taken my military career more seriously.
Now, just like a teenager I feel a little helpless, a little unhappy and stessed out in this situation. I love my kids and husband (sometimes.)
Marriage at times is not what I signed up for. I feel that I will get rewarded for this.
My kids are wonderful, sweet and beautiful. My two oldest are have some learning problems. I find this situation stressful. I feel guilty and feel like I am not a good mom in some sense.
I would be so much happier if I had a job. I truly applaud all stay at home moms that love what they do. My mom was one of those women.
Eventually a grew into a little older teenager..now I need to shake that teenager out.
I appreciate and love all that God has given me, I just need to find myself, after I lost myself in my marriage and motherhood.
Like a teenager I wish I could just be free to be me.