Today, I was formally offered and formally accepted a full-time job.
I am alternately thrilled and panic stricken.
I am excited to be starting the next phase of my life, developing professionally and personally but at the same time, I get a lump in my chest and burst into tears at the thought of being away from my youngest all day. At least with the others, it was a gradual separation. First part-time preschool, then half day kindergarten. This cold turkey stuff scares me.
In addition to coping with the emotional turmoil of family separation, I'm starting a high-stress job that I've not done before. That said, it's my dream job. Undeniably, it will be challenging to start and get my bearings.
I worry most about the dynamic changes in the household and it's effects on the kids. I don't want to get so caught up in how hectic our life is that I forget to slow down and enjoy them all. Of course, with everything we will have to achieve in a day, I don't see how I can work at a pace that is anything less than frantic.
My job is in CT, my territory the entire state. On any given day I can be as much as 2 hours away from home. My husband works in MA, his territory essentially from Boston south to the CT border. He can also be as much as 2 hours from home. It just seems like we will be so far away from each other during the day. Having been home for the last 5 years full time, I have always been "home base". Holding the fort down and welcoming everyone home from their various daily travels.
Frankly, I'm petrified.