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When's the right time...

Posted 14th January 2009 by Charmaine

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I'm a single mother of 2 boys (7 and 16). I've been involved in a relationship for the past 3 1/2 to 4 years.  The person I'm seeing is old-fashioned, respectful, etc.  He and I were dating for over a year before I finally introduced him to my children.  He's come by to visit several times while my kids were there.  He never spent the night and we've always stayed in the common areas when he'd visit.  A couple of times we did hang out in the bedroom but the door was open, we were not sitting close to each other, we were not affectionate in front of the kids and we were watching tv. 

He's the only person I've dated since my divorce.  The reason I'm writing this blog is because I'm confused.  I want my significant other to spend the night.  Of course, he will not because he doesn't think it's right. My thought is that we've been dating for a long time, my kids know who he is, and I'm not seeing anyone else....so why not?  Am I not seeing something here?  I never ignore my kids to be with him...he wouldn't even let that happen. I always think about them.  So, is it wrong for me want him to spend the night? 

I know people that have kids, have been in a relationship less time than I've been or several relationships, and have their friend spend the night several times a week. 

Any thought? 

Charmaine





2 comments so far...

  • Hi Charmaine! Here is just one person's experience, from the child's perspective. My parents divorced when I was 7, and my recollections of the boyfriends were this: If they were nice, I DEFINITELY wanted them around (including staying over). If they weren't, well, I didn't want them around, period. Sounds pretty simplistic, but that's where I was coming from. If my mom was happier when they were around, even better. I guess I appreciated having a father figure around. - Paula.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by tkd_mama on 15th January 2009

  • Hi Charmaine! I think you have found a gem here!! If I were you, I would be thrilled with your boyfriend's response. It shows his respect for you and your children. I don't think it's "wrong" for you to want him to spend the night, but what is so important about doing it NOW? Forget about what your friends are doing. This is not their relationship. They are in their own relationship and you just need to focus on yours. I think that's important. You will know when the time is right.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by on 15th January 2009

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