Don't Follow the Masses: Communicate as New Parents
During my lunch hour today, I stumbled across an article in a parenting magazine (I have a stash in a desk drawer) discussing a recent survey taken of mothers and the level of anger they feel towards their spouse post baby (or post babies). As I read the article, I could emphasize with many of the feelings discussed: the overworked working mother who has some bottled anger towards her significant other when it comes to sharing the "work load" post baby. And I was very eager to read solutions or steps to take to learn to rationalize this anger and (maybe) encourage more positivity and acceptance that life changes after baby, that your old life needs to meld with your new life.
Something I'm working on daily myself.
Instead, the article just came across as a bunch of complaints. My husband doesn't do this! Or this never gets done with me asking!
And it made me think that the solution to a lot of this is pretty simple: communication. Talking. Asking for help. Seeking out the other person not just to help with a task, but also because you want that person to be there. I mean, isn't that why you got married in the first place? Having a baby shouldn't wreck a relationship -- it should make it better. Stronger. And happier.
I'm not saying that stress doesn't hit because it does. And when it does, it feels like the room is spinning out of control -- dinner isn't made or nearly started, baby is crying, the room/house is a mess, you're still in your work clothes, etc. But dwelling on the negative doesn't help in a situation like this -- it doesn't help you, it doesn't help your spouse and it certainly doesn't help your baby, who can pick up on these types of characteristics at a very early age.
My remedy has been pretty simple: snuggle up with our baby, let her nurse (even if I am still wearing my work clothes -- I can change when she's done), get my husband to pour us both a glass of wine, and sit.
Sitting can do wonders for a relationship. Sitting together without any distractions. Except the murmured happy eating coos of your baby.