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Going back to work

Posted 3rd March 2009 by C. Conley, tagged career, going back to work, daycare, time management, young children, decision making

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Over the past week, I have found myself extremely conflicted over the decision of whether or not to go back to my old job.

In August of 2008, I left my marketing position at a Teleservices firm.  The job did not pay very well, and my husband was beginning his law career with an hour commute.  We decided that it was in our daughter's best interest if I quit and stay home with her since my husband would be gone so much.  Also, my SIL who watched my DD during the day, and I, were not getting along so famously. 

I had reservations about quitting- like what exactly will I do during the day? We don't even have cable, or a yard! We live in a small 2 bedroom apartment.  I also didn't like the idea of relying on my husband for any kind of "spending" money. And why did I just work so hard to finish my undergrad and study abroad (twice) to never make the kind of impact on society I hoped to. 

Despite those feelings, I quit, and I am very satisfied with the development of the relationship between my DD and myself.  We are so close, and she actually prefers me to hold her and do things for her.  That may sound weird, but it was not like that so much when I was working.  She is now much more affectionate with me, and others, and I've gotten to learn so much about her. I am amazed daily by the advanced skills she masters- she knows her ABC's and can count to 16!

Those reservations still bother me though, and I sometimes I feel tethered to my apartment.  I am not always creative at finding activities for us to do, and before I know it, half the day is gone and I am still in my pajamas.  I constantly combat feelings of resentment and anger towards my husband for getting to work on his career goals, go to nice lunches all of the time, get dressed up everyday, and go to happy hour whenever he wants. And he gets all of the alone time he wants!

Skip to last week... I emailed my former boss about something, and he replied at the end of the email with this question:  Are you ready for a full-time job yet?

You see, since the end of December, they have lost 4 people from my division, out of a 14 person team.  I left the door open when I quit, just in case I ever needed to come back.  I never thought I would really consider going back.  His question keeps circling in my mind, and for the right salary, I would go back. (One where I can still make money despite the cost of childcare)

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2 comments so far...

  • I can understand where you are coming from... It really sounds like you want to go this direction - so, do it! See how it works out. Worse possible scenario is that it does not work and you find out something more about yourself and life. After my first child and being at home for 5 months, I was very eager to go back to work. I had a really difficult time with it and within 2 weeks, I was back home and my employer allowed me to now working part-time. The part-time was the saving grace - being at home was much harder than going to work - so, work was a break for me. That was 9 years ago -- I had two other children - some of the time I did not work and then I resumed part-time work. I can tell you that when my third arrived and I stayed purely home for 2 years, I was finally able to relax into motherhood and get good at it without the busyness when I was working. I stayed at home without work and that a challenge but I got good and witness everything about their childhood. Then, I needed something more to get me away and I started working part time. My youngest is now in kindergarten and although I know full time work is going to happen --- I am scared of the changes and have procrastinated that decision. See - we are all scared.. Follow the road and go with what feels slightly unconfortable, but you are ready to risk that for an answer. The answer will reveal itself to you. I hope this helps a bit. Good luck!

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Michelle on 7th March 2009

  • I dont think you should feel guilty about wanting to return to the work force. If your company really wants you back maybe you can work something out part time or work from home a couple days and have the best of both worlds. As a full time working mother I will tell you it is hard somedays leaving my daughter at daycare when I'd rather spend the day at the park with her and snuggling up watching cartoons but in the end I know me working is the best choice for our family. I respect SAH moms but know I personally could not do it without some of the same feelings you are experiencing: resentment, fear of being so dependent on my husband for income, need for adult interaction and time to myself. Someone once told me that the quality of time you spend with your kids is more important than the quantity so try to keep that in mind too when making your decision. Ultimately what works for every family is different so try to be true to yourself and not worry so much about family and friends judging you. Your daughter will welcome the chance to be around other kids her age too....and being exposed to germs should also be on your pros list. Building immunities now just means there will be less runny noses when she starts kindergarden. Good luck and be happy.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by balancing act on 4th March 2009

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