Over the past week, I have found myself extremely conflicted over the decision of whether or not to go back to my old job.
In August of 2008, I left my marketing position at a Teleservices firm. The job did not pay very well, and my husband was beginning his law career with an hour commute. We decided that it was in our daughter's best interest if I quit and stay home with her since my husband would be gone so much. Also, my SIL who watched my DD during the day, and I, were not getting along so famously.
I had reservations about quitting- like what exactly will I do during the day? We don't even have cable, or a yard! We live in a small 2 bedroom apartment. I also didn't like the idea of relying on my husband for any kind of "spending" money. And why did I just work so hard to finish my undergrad and study abroad (twice) to never make the kind of impact on society I hoped to.
Despite those feelings, I quit, and I am very satisfied with the development of the relationship between my DD and myself. We are so close, and she actually prefers me to hold her and do things for her. That may sound weird, but it was not like that so much when I was working. She is now much more affectionate with me, and others, and I've gotten to learn so much about her. I am amazed daily by the advanced skills she masters- she knows her ABC's and can count to 16!
Those reservations still bother me though, and I sometimes I feel tethered to my apartment. I am not always creative at finding activities for us to do, and before I know it, half the day is gone and I am still in my pajamas. I constantly combat feelings of resentment and anger towards my husband for getting to work on his career goals, go to nice lunches all of the time, get dressed up everyday, and go to happy hour whenever he wants. And he gets all of the alone time he wants!
Skip to last week... I emailed my former boss about something, and he replied at the end of the email with this question: Are you ready for a full-time job yet?
You see, since the end of December, they have lost 4 people from my division, out of a 14 person team. I left the door open when I quit, just in case I ever needed to come back. I never thought I would really consider going back. His question keeps circling in my mind, and for the right salary, I would go back. (One where I can still make money despite the cost of childcare)