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Its a bad day. A very bad day.

Its Tuesday. Between yesterday and today I have sent out 35 resumes, gotten 17 rejection letters from resumes, applications and interviews from the last three weeks and pretty much..........

feeling very very low.

I contacted Catholic Charities (again) for some sort of assistance. They gave me the names and addresses of homeless shelters. I am trying like hell to AVOID that. Does it matter? no. I have to be on the street before any real assistance can be had.

I have about 6 interviews set up between tomorrow and the end of the week. Will it matter? I doubt it. I feel like I am simply running through the motions now. That I will never ACTUALLY have a job, or an income, or ......be able to support my family...........again. And this whole fight to continue searching, these efforts to FIND employment..........are simply wasted. That there is no point to it.

I've been crying all day. This emotional roller coaster has to stop. My heart rate is too high, and I am feeling .......off..........as a result. I am on the verge of another massive panic attack like the cardiac 'event' that put me in the hospital in March.

I have an hour or so to pull it together before my daughter gets home. Not sure how to do that.

 

I realized today........that it took all of six short months for me to go from employed, hopeful, happy and moderately financially stable..............to the 18th level of hell. On the verge of losing what little I have left.

I look at who I was then.......at my life then...... and it is so far from who and where I am now. It isn't even in the same stratosphere. It is hard to even wrap my own head around all that has happened. And God knows there aren't any sufficient explanations as to why.

 

Oh how far a life can fall.

And how quickly.