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A need to get back to what makes me happy.

Posted 30th April 2009 by amanda

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I am so thirsty for peace. It has been almost 4 months since I have been here in AZ and I don't yet feel at home. I was happy and at peace when I first got here. Happy to be away from Georgia  and my husband but now I am lonely and sad and almost feel bipolar half of the time lol my mood is up and down one min i am happy to be free and almost single, then the next min I am so sad and lonely and miss my soon to be ex and our family life and almost feel like running back to him with our kids and never leaving.

I miss his arms around me. I miss his voice and the times he loved me. I don't miss his cheating and the many many tears and nights of feeling so alone and sad. I don't understand this and I am going to start counseling. I thought moving away was a cure but it doesn't seem to be taking away the pain like I had wished. I see how much this hurts my kids when they wait for his calls and hope he will visit one day. It sucks not having any money and having to say no I can't and no I don't have the money and wondering if he will pay his child support or will I have to beg and call his job to reach him since I do not have a number for him anymore. I am frustrated, scared, lonely, sad, and just ready to feel better. I don't know if this is normal in a divorce but I feel half crazy sometimes. I started dating but even that doesn't seem right. I like having the male company but not ready for anything serious. I want to go back to school but feel guilty about leaving the kids since I already work 2 jobs. I feel like I am running but don't know where I am running to.

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2 comments so far...

  • You're going through a tough time right now, and it's completely understandable. You're starting to remember & miss the "good times" with your ex. Please don't forget why you had to end things with your him.

    I would honestly put the dating on pause. If you don't, you're likely to end up with someone who is very similar to what you just left.

    You cannot attract & maintain a relationship with someone who will be good for you until you get back to "you."

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Uhura on 5th May 2009

  • Wow, I can't even imagine what you are going through. Good way to vent is to write about it even in a journal. Yes, counseling can help...even if it means going to your Priest, Rabbi, friend, etc... Take up a hobby that won't cost too much money, sometimes that will help...(I really like knitting so far), or if you play an instrument, that can help too, or even to just listen to soft music while you write. Or loud music and scream your head off, Queen is great for that! Just know that your kids still are there to love you no matter what. Take your time, love yourself first, that's what counts right now. Friend me if you like.

    Good luck.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Giazz on 30th April 2009

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