Huge uproar at our house this evening, and we (the adults) walked into it and were completely blind-sided. Which, in hindsight, was a little naive of us. But still, the rage we provoked is still shocking me a little, hours later. (Whic is probably why I'm AWAKE at three a.m.)
Here's the story:
16-year-old step-daughter comments on how her mother is "much more relaxed" about her older sister spending so much time at her BF's. My husband, father of these children, says, "Well that makes sense. Once she's started having sex, it's a done deal, so if you try to fight it, you're in for nothing but conflict."
Which seems reasonable to me. Both parts of the conversation were said in a perfectly calm and conversational manner. But with their dad's comment - BOOM!
"She IS NOT having sex!" two of the kids declare. (The third sibling stays out of it, and my youngest, seeing a conflict erupt, makes a bolt for her bedroom.)
Seeing that they feel dad has insulted their sister, I step in. "We're not insulting her. She's almost 18, she's in love, they're committed. It would be normal and natural." These kids, you understand, have been raised by their mother to see pre-marital sex as a Big Sin. Which is why I am not surprised they objected to their dad's assumption, but still - the fury. Wow.
More outrage. I try again. "When you haven't had sex, it seems a huge hurdle, but once you have, you realize how easily it can happen." MORE outrage. Now they're furious with me, too.
Why, you're probably asking, are we so convinced the girl is sexually active? Could the kids not be correct, and we're making generalizations based merely on her age? Well, you read the next paragraph, and you tell me:
This summer, said daughter had a falling-out with her father, and didn't want to come here during their four weeks with us. However, she'd also had a falling-out with her mother. So, for the four weeks she was supposed to be with us, AND the two weeks when she was supposed to be travelling (holiday) with her mother and siblings, SHE LIVED WITH HER BOYFRIEND. He has his OWN APARTMENT. For SIX WEEKS.
But it's flippin' OUTRAGEOUS to assume, on that basis, that they've had sex. The 16-year-old was so angry, that, after yelling at her dad for a bit and then breaking down into tears, she bolted out the door and took a bus back to her mother's. The 12-year-old let his dad drive them home, but wouldn't speak to him. Not one word. The 14-year-old is a bit bemused by the rage, too: she believes in her sister's continuing virginity, but says, "It was just a difference of opinion. You weren't calling her a slut, you just see it differently. I don't understand why they're so mad." So that was nice to hear.
I'll tell you what's outrageous. Their outrage is outrageous... sigh...