I can't be the only one.Subscribe
ive been a single working mum now for 7 years.
i live in australia but i bet our lives arent too different!
i have 2 great kids, a son whos 10 and a daughter whos 14. I love them to bits but life can be very difficult at times...I find the guilt is the killer
Hi! I am a relatively new single mom. A little 14month old girl in New York City. Just trying to stay a half step ahead of her developments. Lots of guilt. Her father lives in London (is english..) and well on his way in his life (just got engaged to a woman he started seeing while i was pregnant..). Worry about job/money security and finding my little sweetie a decent father! I definately feel like i'm the only one out there frequently!
first of all, let me just say....plenty of kids are doing just fine without a deadbeat dad in their lives! please dont feel you have to find your little girl a daddy, I have a friend who has spent the last 7 years of her sons life trying to replace his natural father, all with disastrous outcomes! its ended up worse because when the replacement dad packs his bags, the son feels rejected all over again. The kid has serious issues due to all this "abandonment" and so does his mum.
I sometimes wish my kids dad wasnt around, as he causes a lot of grief and only pays child support when he feels like it. and its a pittance anyway, so im stuck with raising 2 growing kids alone, one of whom attends a private school. He is an actual BAD influence in their lives and theres nothing i can do about it except brace myself for when they get back from his place, full of sugar, dirty and exhausted.
its a tough road but my kids are doing just great. I have the usual sibling rivalry stuff etc which does my head in at times, but all in all we are a close, happy family and feel absolutely no lack, in not having a man around. Many, many famous and successful people were raised by single mothers and seem to have more than their share of common decency, because of it. Things might be tight financially but theres plenty of dysfunctional financially secure two parent families around who either let the child care raise their kids, or the tv/playstation/computer do it.
You love your baby and she loves you, please dont feel that you are shortchanging her by not having a man around.
you can hire someone to move furniture!
Hi....as you can see from the responses...you are not alone. It is late for me and I just joined tonight. One thing I can say...and I have supported my friends for....be sure you are happy. It isn't selfish but true when they say that if Mom is happy, everyone around is happy. Knowing this and actually practicing are different as you know.
We all have a lot in common after reading everyone's comments. There are so many sad stories out there in today's world and we are as single mom's becoming a norm now.
I wish we could all live in a community together to support each other!! Nice thought, right!! I actually do it all on my own but have not had to work in 10 yrs. NO, not a life of luxury..lol...I am seriously in debt and hitting it hard next week.
My ex...as in some of your comments...from England...while preg wiith my second, had another woman 9 yrs older on the side preg at the same time. He moved, after I moved 10 from me. Long story...but we'll say...would be better if he wasn't around.
Here are my personal three rules.....lol..#1 Love your children and be there for them every minute they need you! #2 Pay me on time and #3 Stay out of my personal life. Well, lol, 10 yrs later he still has not paid attention to any of these...lol.
So....I have finally got stronger....forgiven myself for letting my children down and looked in the mirror and liked me for what I HAVE accomplished!! Not what I have NOT!
Anyone want to share anything....and be honest with the comments no matter....feel free to contact me. My email is SSmith3292@aol.com.
Be Strong....there is no book but follow common knowledge and when you do make a mistake....we all do....admit it, don't forget it and try not to do it again. If it is one you have a habit of...say yelling at your kids....take a time out for yourself. Find a way to alter your reaction. They are kids and will keep theirs the same for some time...yikes!!
Ok, I have probably typed more than anyone. I just don't go to communities etc. I actually put in...."going back to work after 10 years" and this site came up!! Never ask why!!
Smiles to you all........Susan
Ps....sorry if I don't utilize all the technology...I am still basic although I have been using computers for a long time.....
A recently reformed single mom here. I got married a year ago Monday and am happy about it, I guess, but, I still felt the urge to come in here and check the single moms out.
I was a single mom 'officially' from 18 months to 3 1/4 years, but, honestly, even when his Dad and I lived together I was doing most things on my own, but, with occasional help from his mom and sisters.
Growing up with a single Mom of my own, I saw how she'd sort of get looked down on, or not taken seriously because she wasn't married (she married after I graduated high school, so we wouldn't have to deal with the name thing).
BUT, one thing I discovered after I became a 'SINGLE MOM'... I would say it with pride! It wasn't bluffing or puffing myself up... I was really and honestly proud to declare without a doubt that I was a single parent. My son was happy, healthy, on par with his classmates at the daycare center, etc. I liked that I could prove that I was the one parenting him and that I didn't need his loser, self-centered father at all.
Unfortunately, once I got engaged, his father demanded more involvement. That's been nothing but a pain for myself and my husband... and I cringe when my little angel comes back from daddy's hyped up on candy and soda, in yesterday's clothes and spilling drinks because the moron still gives him a sippy cup.
I say that a child can be a success no matter their family structure growing up. I firmly believe that. My sister and I turned out pretty darned well; happy, and loving, and well-adjusted.
I am thrilled to have my husband as an influence on my son, and think it will do him good. But, I did not introduce them until I was engaged (a year and a half before we married). I didn't want him to meet and get attached and feel rejected (like I had during childhood too many times to count). I know traditional dating would have gone out the window with that, but, my husband (not all Londoners are pigs! ) and I had worked with one another online for years and grew most of our relationship that way, and via the telephone after the little one went to bed. It worked for us.
I feel I'm babbling now, so I'll stop. It's obvious that single Moms are NOT alone out there... oh yeah, and we always feel guilty about something, but, comfort ourselves that we're doing the best we can for our little angels.
great to hear someones found a decent man
we are not ripping our kids off, our kids have the absolutel best ie, loving, doting parents. even if that parent is singular.
i know i grew up in a traditional mom.dad.dog.cat environment and it was so cold and abusive.
i have the power to create the life i want for my kids, and that life is good, healthy happy and full. they have the father in the background but make no mistake, these are my kids, and they are much better off for it.
I am their world and they are mine. which is the way it should be. granted, they are a little spoiled, and sometimes i think, whos spoiling me (no one), but on the other hand i am tuning into my spirituality and self love in a way i never would have, as part of couple. my kids are the greatest blessing i have.
Hi all. thanks so much for your replies. my daughter's father showed up late, stayed for 3 hrs (she was napping for one of them) and will probably come back in another four months after no contact during that time. It's hard to let go of all of the pent up anger i have against him, but i know that i have to -- not only for my daughter's sake but for my own. It's still quite painful. For only three hours, you wouldnt think i would be so exhausted!! Luckily, i could afford to have a sitter for a few hours today so i could take a long hot shower and a nap to get over it -- until the next time.. and hope i do better the next time and it hurts just a little bit less... thanks for all of your support!!
brammy do you have any formal child care arrangements?
I didnt have any family around when my kids were little but quickly discovered that good quality caring child care is an absolute necessity when youre doing it alone.
I loved your posts, keep comin back all of you! i sort of feel like ive been there and can help you with advice, however would love to also hear from parents of teenagers....my daughter is now 14 and my son is 11 on the weekend.....
it was much easier when they couldnt walk or talk!