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Glad I found this site, I'm going through a bad divorce and still can't believe it's happening to me. I fought for sole custody and won, but he is trying to drag out the divorce and still trying to get custody and ruin me financially. I'm scared, feel alone, I have a 3 and 1 year old that mean the world to me. I feel like I don't belong anywhere anymore. I miss being a part of something, a whole family. Its terribly hard to let go of the dream of having a family and a husband who would adore me. I dread my soon to be ex getting the children every other weekend , I'm so protective over the time I have with them. I took the last 2 years off to be a stay at home mom and I'm finding it hard to be away from my kids, and on top of that I have to share them with him. They come back exhausted because he doesn't give them naps, so I get them back when they are practically melting down. I wonder if this nightmare will ever end....I'm so tired of the grief he's causing and just want to move on and away from all this conflict. Ughh!
Would love to get together with others in my area, it seems I'm the only one at times in this situation.
You are most DEFINITELY NOT ALONE. I too went through a very long, expensive and dramatic divorce. Six years have gone by and I am better now than I ever was before. Happier, healthier and thriving in my single status. You will get through this but you have to stay positive. Hard as it is.
I could give advice that worked for me all day long. If you ever want to chat drop by my profile here on Work It, Mom! and say hello!
First, I'm sorry for your pain. Second, you won't believe me now, but it does get better! My husband left me for another woman 7 years ago. I was a SAHM of 3 children (the youngest was 18 mos.) and I had just started college. For 5 years he fought me for custody, didn't pay child support, and in general, made my life hell. We had been married for 15 years and I thought my life was over. But here I am now, college degree in hand, starting my own business, remarried and raising 4 beautiful kids (yes, I added one!). He gave up on the custody battle(because he kept losing) and then just stopped seeing the kids. He hasn't seen them for 2 years, which is hard on them, but better for them because he was a crappy father anyway. Well, I tried to keep that fairly short ...anyway, hang in there! Stay strong for your kids and this difficult time will pass. You will feel happiness again!
I divorced my abusive ex eleven years ago, leaving me a single mom with three kids, the youngest who was 2.5. The first three years were truly dreadful, and I don't envy you your situation one tiny bit. There were days that just hearing the phone ring, and fearing it might be him or his lawyer, would have me in tears. Ugh. However, like everyone else, I can tell you, it does - IT WILL - get better.
About the access. He doesn't give them naps, which is ridiculous, especially for the little one. Apart from that, how is he as a father? Because, awful as it is for you to have to deal with him, if he's a loving father, they'll benefit from having him in their lives.
If not, they're better off without him. Two of my three children now have absolutely nothing to do with their father, and they are much happier for it. It was their decision. The third sees him for a couple of hours every six weeks or so. (He's 18, so he and his dad set it up on their own. I am blissfully uninvolved.)
I am now very happily remarried and have the relationship I've always dreamed of.
And smart you, to be looking for your support to help you through this difficult time! That's the strategy of a survivor!
Oh, count me in! I left my husband when I had three young children-- then ages 7,4, and 3. I was six months away from a graduate degree in English. It was rough going (the custody battle), and hellish. My story echoes many of the others here.
Welcome to Work It, Mom! I think you will find many women here who can give you support and advice-- and just let you know that you'll come through. I hope you even (soon!) come to enjoy some of the time you have to yourself when your children are with your ex. But it is greatly frustrating to deal with the no nap issue (and others).
It does get better. Hang in there!
All of you are very encouraging strong women! I really get inspired hearing how each of you have made it through and are thriving in your new lives and businesses. I get up each day telling myself I need to make my life what I want it to be for my kids and I. There dad is a pretty good father, but have my concerns because he seems to be self destructing in his personal and professional life, not to mention playing favorites with our little boy. Not to get into specifics but he hasn't had their best interest in mind, so I feel torn between protecting them from him and giving them time with their Dad. I'm taking it slow but I hope they both can develop good relationships with him, and he will hopefully begin earning some trust back from me. I still feel incredibly threatened by him, so I'm very cautious about the custody issues. What a mess of a situation, but I think atleast I have done a good job at keeping things normal as possible and secure for the kids. I wish I'd wake up and my husband would have gotten help and come to his senses so we could rebuild a marriage and our family, until he's honest with himself that won't happen, its hard to decide to move on when you still hope your dream of a family will be somehow salvaged. Well I think I've rambled on enough, God this helps alot
Never having been married, I have no words of wisdom about divorce for you. I just wanted to address something you said about being a whole family. You ARE a whole family--you and your kids. You're a smaller family than you were before, but you're not any less.