Group Discussions

I feel guilty for not feeling guilty!

  • Hi, All,

    I'm very new to this site, so this might have been covered by someone already, so I apologize in advance if it has...

    I work approximately 30-35 hours/week. I'm an attorney in private practice. I practice family law: divorce, custody, child support, and parenting time. My son, Elliott, goes to Kinder Kare two days/week. The other days he's home with his dad/my husband, who is a professor and teaches only two days/week during the day. Our son is 17-months-old. He loves going to Kinder Kare and being with his Dad. My scheduled is very flexible most of the time, and I basically come and go as I please, which is fantastic. I stayed home with Elliott full-time until the beginning of the summer, when I went back to work.

    Here's my situation: I love my job. Lately, I've been feeling really guilty that I don't feel guilty about not being with Elliott 24/7. Maybe I'm just a bad mom, or not good at it, but I feel like I really some time away from Elliott. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my son to death, but sometimes I need some "mom" time. And, I also love my job and my profession.

    Does anyone else feel like this, or is it just me? I feel like I should want be around my son 24/7, and be pleasant about it when I am, and I feel guilty that I don't.

    Thanks in advance for your help!

    - Elliott's Momma
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by elliottsmomma on 24th August 2007
  • If you are guilty of being a bad mom please make room for me on the bad mom bandwagon.

    I'm a single parent with two kids (7 & 10). I cherish our time together but I also cherish our time apart. It is good for them to spend time with their dad and with other family members. They spent the first part of this week at my sisters house with their younger cousins.

    I am also a career mom. I LOVE what I do for a living! That said, I do feel like I have a really healthy work/life balance.

    I would like to think I am setting a good example for my kids on a variety of levels and I consider them to be very well-adjusted kids. I'm working in a job that I happen to love to support my family. That is not something I will ever feel an ounce of guilt over.

    "Mommy Guilt" should be a four letter word.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by KathyHowe on 24th August 2007
  • I think it's great that you know what you need to be happy!

    One of the best gifts I think we can give our kids is

    to be truly happy as ourselves

    Talk to you soon,

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by on 25th August 2007
  • I think your feelings are perfectly normal- stop feeling guilty! I have 4 kids and I always want them to go do something (I WAH)...then when they are doing their own thing (or even when they go to bed) I miss them As moms we feel guilty if we are with our kids all the time(because we feel we aren't valid adults if we aren't part of the rat race). We feel guilty if we work full-time outside the home(because we feel we aren't giving 100% of our attention to our offspring). And we feel guilty if we try to do both (because we feel we don't give enough to either). What you are doing is a perfect arrangement for you and your son...don't feel guilty that you also get to nurture your career. Go forth and be guiltless......!
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Lisa R.(dirtydiapersyndrome) on 25th August 2007
  • EVERY mom needs time away from their kid. NO Mom, no PERSON, can spend time with another person, 24-7, without needing a break.

    Guilt is just a feeling, like fear, or joy or anger. It's not a measure of what kind of job you're doing as a mom. I've been home with my 3 kids for 9 years, often feeling guilty that I don't do more projects, field trips, expermients, blah, blah, blah. Now that they're all in school I feel guilty for not homeschooling them! Really, guilt is ridiculous, and I'd say in 95% of mothers, completely unjustified. I try fervently to ignore mine.

    You have a great situation, you're happy, and your kid is happy. Your needs are being met, and so is your kid's. Instead of feeling guilty for not feeling guilty, feel thankful, because guilt is a HUGE bummer. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Sheryl on 27th August 2007
  • Wow, you moms ROCK!
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by elliottsmomma on 27th August 2007
  • Elliottsmomma - I feel the exact same way! I love working....I love my son....but I love working too. There has got to be a way to do both and not feel guilty...although I haven't found that easy either!
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Sarah O on 14th September 2007
  • Sheryl I'm just like you. I feel guilty about everything! I'm a new mom, and my baby is three months old. I'm rather possessive, and I feel guilty that I don't allow others to take care of her more. Then when I do leave and have someone else watch her, I feel guilty that she may have cried while I was gone. Elliottsmomma maybe you don't feel guilty because you know that there has to be a balance...I think it's great that you know that you can't do EVERYTHING! We could all take a page from your book...I know I wish I was that secure about meeting my own needs.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by mamajama on 15th September 2007
  • If your working arrangement is working (no pun intended ... no really ) then go with it. I love my work because it makes me a better, well rounded person and mother. I can't do the SAHM thing but others can. Doesn't mean they are a better mum then me.

    Squash that guilt and keep going with it!!
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Kylie Short on 15th September 2007
  • I think it would be child abuse for me to stay around my son 24-7, the poor kid. I'd make him miserable.

    Really, though, how sad would it be for your son if you were the only one who was with him 24-7? If he was not able do develop that special relationship with his father or with other caring adults? By having a life, you are teaching him that other people are safe, that other people love him, and that he does not need someone at his full time beck and call, because he is a person who can and will be independent of you someday.

    Personally, I think my son (20 months) is the amazing person he is because I work, not in spite of it. Until recently I was in full time litigation at a mid size firm - about 50 hours away from him during the day. I just cut back to 20-30 hours per week not because my son was suffering, but because I was - he was HAPPY!

    And he still is!
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by jlauren on 15th September 2007

Add a Reply