Group Discussions

Hello, stepmoms! What's your blended-family story?

  • A big thank-you to MaryP for starting this group! Sometimes blended-family concerns can only be truly understood by someone else in a blended family.

    A quick capsule of my blended family:

    I have one child (23), my husband has two (13 and 8). We have his kids living with us part-time (2 nights a week, alternate weekends, specified holidays). My son's on his own and lives on the opposite coast - we hope to see him a couple of times a year. The kids we came in to our marriage with are the only ones my husband and I intend to have.

    What's your family's story?
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Florinda Pendley Vasquez on 26th November 2007
  • Yes, Thanks, MaryP!

    My three oldest (ages 14, almost 12, and 9) are mine by marriage; my husband and I have two more together (ages 3 and 1) by birth. The Big Three are with us full-time during school vacations (usually about 2 weeks at Christmas, a week or so in the spring, 10 or 11 weeks during the summer) and part-time for a long weekend about once a month or so (either they fly to us or we fly to them). So, I've always called it part-time-full-time -- when they're here, they're HERE full-time. The big kids' mom remarried a couple of years before my husband and I married, and all four of us parents call them "our" kids.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Lylah M. Alphonse on 27th November 2007
  • Hi everybody

    My (future) husband has two kids a girl (11) and a boy (15). I brought three children two girls (13 & 10) and one boy ( 9)- The oldest is only half time (M-W and every other weekend. ) However, the rest are with us full time. We have no kid weekends every other weekend.

    At first it was very hard. No one got along. Kids against kids, kids against parents. We just kept trying to make it work. They knew we loved each other. And we knew they were just hurt from former relationships failing. Everyday got a little easier.

    It took a while for all of the kids to think of us as a family.

    Now, We have weekly family time. At least once a week we have some activity that every family member must participate in. One week it was a talent show. You should have seen some of thier preformances. Amazing. We have had game night, bake party, movie night, last week we had letter to Santa night. Even the teenagers WANT to participate. Crazy huh?
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Crystal on 29th November 2007
  • Here I am neglecting my own group! Sheesh.

    My story:

    I have three children (22, 18, 14). The oldest lives on her own in a city a six-hour drive away. My husband has five (19, 17, 16, 14, and 12).

    Two of my three live with us full-time. His oldest lives on his own (he's in university). The 17-year-old won't come to our house because we said she had to come sometimes without her boyfriend. (sigh) The other three come alternate weekends and half of all holidays.

    The biggest blessing has been how very well the children all get along. Currently, our 14-year-olds are IMing, busily planning a Christmas party, which will be held here. The biggest challenge has been twofold: at first, a very angry, very hostile, very destructive ex. (His. Mine is blessedly passive, all in all.) That subsided after the first 3 years. Now the challenge is the radically different lifestyles between our home and his kids' with their mother. We are quiet, book-worm-y, board-games, and long-walks sort of people. They are PARTY! LOUD TALKING! ROWDY PLAY! LOUD MUSIC! GO!GO!GO!GO!GO! kind of people.

    But somehow, we're making it work. Everyone is adjusting to the others' styles - we perk up a bit for them, they tone it down a bit for us. I am wholeheartedly grateful, however, that they do not live her full time...
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by MaryP on 10th December 2007
  • I have no biological children. My husband has one daughter (8 yrs old). Someday my husband and I plan to have 1 or 2, but right now he's on temporary medical disability leaving me as the major source of income. Since I know I would want to stay home with any children we have for at least the first couple of years, we're waiting until he's either off medical disability or it become permanent. We're hopeful that it doesn't become permanent.

    My step-daughter lived with her mom up until August 2007. She's lived with us full time for the past 5 months and it has been a change. It has made me rethink some of my ideas on parenting. It is totally different to have her all day everyday than it was to just have her every other weekend.

    We've had our share of struggles with her biomom. At our house, she's an only child. At her mom's house she has a step-sister that lives there full-time who is also 8, two half-sisters (<1 month, 2 yrs) and another step-sister that is there everything other weekend whose 6. So there's always someone to play with! At our house, her choices are me or dad. She's good friends with our neighbor's boy, whose her same age (even in the same class at school!) so sometimes he comes over and plays, but it's not the same as having a sibling always there.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Jenni on 19th December 2007
  • Hi I just joined the group.

    My husband had two boys from his first marriage (17 & 14), we have a 2 year old boy and are expecting a girl in February.

    During the school year we have them every Thursday and every other weekend, then during the summer we have them for 6 weeks. There are other provisions to the parenting time but they require a slide rule and knowledge of the position of the sun at any given moment. It's not an ideal situation but it's one we have to deal with.

    Fortunately the boys go to school about a half a mile from where we live (their mom moved out of the school district not long after we moved into it) and our house is their "flop house" when they need to go somewhere after school and wait for their mom to pick them up. And since they're teenage boys they tend to eat out out of house and home I have learned to stock up on turkey and ham lunch meat, cheese, and large flour tortillas!
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by LizP on 20th December 2007
  • Hi all,

    I just joined "Work it, Mom!" yesterday and I'm already loving it. I have no bio-kids of my own, but have three stepkids - 17 (boy), 14 (girl), and 8 (girl). The kids live with us year-round since their mom is unfortunately mentally unstable and unable to care for them.

    My husband and I are going to celebrate our 5th anniversary in a few months, and while the idea of becoming an "instant mom" freaked me out for a while, I really do love my kids. They are each very unique personalities (sometimes challenging, but unique nonetheless...) and make life full of energy and fun.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by shanita257 on 26th February 2008
  • Howdy everyone,

    I just joined and am hoping to see more activity in this area! I'm a step mom to two; a boy that will be 16 in January and a girl who will be 12 in just a few days. I also have a son who is nine months old, with my husband.

    We have joint custody of my step children, one week on - one week off. It is incredibly challenging and we are constantly battling with my husband's ex about everything from rules to homework to drivers license to bills. It's a mess.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Melissa on 9th December 2008
  • My husband has 1 daughter. She is grown now but was about 10 years old when we got married.
    I had 4 daughter and 2 were grown and 2 minors still at home at the time. My step-daughter has fought her fathers relationship with me from the beginning. Told him right off she did not want him to marry me- had always thought her Mom and Dad would get back together (a dream of her Moms)
    They had been split up since she was 3 years old. So it has been a battle- she still gives us a hard time- she doesn't know her step-sisters- because that is what she has chosen.
    It was really kinda funny and sad at the same time just this past year before his birthday she relaid a message from her dear Mother- that she would sleep with him for his birthday. That kinda tells you where the daughter and her Mothers head is at. And when I asked her about it...her excuse was to say that her Mom was just kidding. One of the reasons her Mom and Dad separated when she was little as she will not commit to just one person.(always a boyfriend or two on the side) Thankfully my husband thinks she is a dirty - nasty person. Unfortunately she learned her ways from her Mother and my step-daughter has on more than one occasion cheated on her husband. Some things should not be passed down one generation to the next.
    I am so very glad that I have raised my daughters to be honest and upstanding and to treat others like you would like to be treated.
    Oh- yes I have tried to befriend my step-daughter.....any progress I used to make was always undermined by her Mother. So right or wrong but I gave up years ago.
    Yes I am thankful that he had only 1 child before we got married.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by eileen b on 20th January 2009
  • Greetings,

    This is my first post. Thanks for the great discussion. I am a step Mom with two children, my son who now is on his own, and my husband's daughter of whom we have primary custody, with her Mom having split summers and every other weekend, plus much holiday time. My husband does all the interaction with his ex, but it's very limited to what's going on with our daughter. There was a custody battle that resulted in my husband having primary custody. I respect the ex, and if we interact on the phone, etc., I go out of my way to be pleasant and refer to her as the Mom, etc. I'm sure she also knows that I do alot for our daughter when she is with us. I think it's time that I attempt a civil friend-LIKE type of relationship with the Mom, as there will soon be graduations, celebrations, proms, weddings, etc. and we stay completely seperate at those types of affairs now - no interaction between us and she and her new husband. I think I'll write her a letter asking to meet for coffee just to develop a basic, not terribly intimate relationship. There is a possibility she will completely blow me off, but I realize I will be the big person for having tried and try not to internalize her reaction. Any advise would be appreciated. Maybe I'm thinking like a Pollyanna in a dream state that it would be a good outcome.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by carolina mom on 12th August 2010

Add a Reply