Have any of you seen this article from the New York Times yesterday?
A Bundle of Joy Isn’t Enough?
The gist is an emerging trend (?) for women to receive gifts of jewelry or other pricey tokens from their mates after giving birth. The interesting twist is the number of women who not only get these gifts, they want them. They expect them. They'll request them, even.
I'm shaking my head over this one. I think it's a nice idea if it's true generosity on the dad's part, and a sweet surprise for the mom. But initiated and expected by the mom, like "compensation" for pregnancy and childbirth? I don't know...
What do y'all think? Did your husband give you a fancy gift when your kids were born? Do you wish he had? Did you ask him for one?
I'm so glad you posted this, Florinda... I was thinking about it after I read that piece. I received a beautiful gift from my husband a few years ago -- something symbolizing motherhood and stepmotherhood -- but it wasn't a pushing present, it was a Christmas gift and came after years of being a parent. I treasure it -- but I didn't expect or demand it.
I think it's great for a dad to acknowledge that the mom has gone through a lot with pregnancy and childbirth -- the sympathy and appreciation can make a difference. But a pushing present? I'm not sure...
Now, if the pushing present was a year of housekeeping help, that's another story!
Admission up front: I haven't read the article, so I may be missing a nuance.
In some cultures, a gift is traditional.With the weight of cultural expectation behind it, it would be the worst kind of disrepect and lack of love for his wife and what she's jut experienced not to give her something, akin to a groom refusing to toast his bride at the reception.
But unless you are part of such a culture, it should be a gift, and gifts are voluntary. Did I ever get a gift for any of my three children? No, nor did it occur to me to even ask for one. The baby truly was the only gift I even considered.
Having said that, however ... With the effort we go through to produce a child - all that gestating, morning sickness, labour, and then (let's be honest here) given that we do the bulk of the child-rearing, a gift is probably the least he could do.
It didn't occur to me to ask, I was perfectly happy without one -- but did I deserve a gift? Damned straight I did.
Actually this topic has been getting a lot of attention... NBC did a piece on the morning show about it showing Tiffany's and other jewerly stores creating "push" gifts!!! I think the whole idea is funny, but wait, I just gave birth about 4 weeks ago - it's not too late to jump in and request one!!!
I'm lucky and never have to ask my husband for gifts. He is incredibly generous and always gets me smth nice.... whether others should ask for this gift - it really depends on what kind of relationship you have and what's important to you....
...it really depends on what kind of relationship you have
I think you're absolutely right. In my case, after the first three or four months with the first child, I got very little support from my husband in any tangible way. Rather the reverse. Instead of helping me with the children, I was to ensure they impinged on his life as little as possible. I realize that when I wrote "it's the least he can do" in my comment above, I was thinking of my situation -- that because I got very little from him in any meaningful way, the least he could have done was give me a guilt gift, or two, or three. Too bad he felt no guilt!
The wonder is not that we divorced. The wonder is that it took me so long ... sigh ...
I didn't get any kind of a present, but I kind of wish that my husband had thought to give me one. Not anything expensive, necessarily, but something heartfelt that I could look at and be able to think back on that day (besides my beautiful son, that is!). I would never ask for it because it wouldn't mean the same to me if I had to. It just would have been nice for him to tangibly recognize what I went through, I guess.
Not to sound high and mighty, but as far as my husband and I were concerned, our gift was the actual child. We were lucky to have an easy conception, a safe birth, and a healthy child--both times. Besides, sad to say but giving birth (even without drugs...what was I thinking?) was the easy part! Keeping one's sanity while raising two boys who will (hopefully) grow to be well-adjusted, productive members of society deserves the present..and it's called a "Mother's Ring."
Mother's rings, that I am aware of, we got one for my grandmother, are rings with each of her children's birthstones in it...? Those are what we called mother's rings and traditionally they were given later in the development of the family.