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But, honey, I had to buy it!

  • I find myself saying things to this effect a lot. In my mind, I'm incredibly frugal. Okay, okay, I enjoy shopping. I'll admit it. But I'm pretty careful about what I buy, don't buy much for myself at all, and I'm constantly scouting for bargains. Yet my DH sees things differently. I get the feeling (he denies it) that he sees me as a borderline shoppaholic, gleefully throwing away hard-earned money.

    For example, the new car seat just arrived today. What I hoped he'd say: "oh, honey, what a great deal you got on it. Twenty percent off and free shipping AND no sales tax? Awesome. And it's a very safe seat, looks great. Boy, you sure did a great job picking it out and ordering it, and thanks for installing it, too, cause I'm too busy doing IMPORTANT THINGS." Nope. What I got was a subdued: "Why get it now? Couldn't you have waited a few months?" Grr. I guess what I'm saying is, I want some appreciation for my frugal shopping! Anyone else have this problem on the home front?
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Diane on 22nd January 2008
  • What a disappointing response! And of course, if you replied with all the excellent reasons you got it now -- 20% off, etc., etc -- you could be pegged as defensive and picking a fight. (Maybe not, too. My first husband would've responded badly; my current husband would take the information at face value. But it depends entirely on what's going on in the other person's head.)
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by MaryP on 22nd January 2008
  • I can see if both your side and his. His thought is probably more along the lines of, "Did we really NEED this now?", because regardless of how great of a "deal" something is, if it isn't something you need, then it isn't good deal.

    This is a question I have to ask myself A LOT! We've recently been put on a very strict budget, so I've been stocking up on food stuff when it is on sale so that we don't have to buy it later when it is not on sale. For example, cereal, using sales and coupons I can get it for less than $1.25 per box when it is normally $3.00 or more! But there comes a point when I probably have enough boxes of cereal stocked up! But we don't need them and they will be on sale again before we do need them.

    My mom's favorite saying (or at least one of them) is "You can go broke buying things on sale".
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Jenni on 22nd January 2008
  • Oh, that's a good saying of your mom's, Jenni. My DH would agree with that.

    I guess the problem in relationships is this: women think that being frugal is getting a good deal. Men think being frugal is not buying anything in the first place!
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Diane on 23rd January 2008
  • Guys, I can top all of these. I want to be frugel, I really do. I love bargains too, and if I am out and about, I will find it hard to resist. So check this out. Keep in mind that this was my sick idea , I gave all of my credit cards to my husband. I still have a debit card, but it reminds me that I am using "real" money. Because I tend to agree with Suzie Orman: If you are using credit, and you can't pay it off in the same month, then the money you are using is a lie. Lying about what you really have (even though the lie is to yourself) prevents you from moving forward and caring about yourself.

    I know it seems I Love Lucy-ish (Oh, Ricky, pppleeeze can I have some $?), but it isn't really. I have better control this way.

    And believe it or not, I am not a shop-a-holic. The reason for this drastic new outlook is due in large part to becoming disabled in '06 and still on the recovery path (I don't make a salary!).
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by on 23rd January 2008
  • I heard it put like this recently. A man will pay twice what something is worth for something he needs, and a woman will pay half what something is worth for something she doesn't need. I think it really is a matter of how you define need and how you define bargain.

    That sounds like an awesome bargain to me Diane! I hope you enjoy your new car seat!

    Molly I so agree with you about the lies that we tell ourselves about money. My husband and I have learned that the hard way, and so we're working on paying off credit card debt. And we don't ever want to use our cards again!

    So I don't think it's so strange to make them inaccessible .
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by mamajama on 24th January 2008
  • Oh, that's great, both of you! We are doing the same re credit cards! It just crept up over time and we have the same goal of eliminating them. Of course, if there's something big I need to buy and/or an online purchase, we use credit cards, but for everyday spending we are sticking with cash and it's working amazingly well.

    But I think there is a gender thing going on, like you say mj. The man will put off buying an item, say a car seat, until he desperately needs it, then he'll go out and buy the first thing he sees at full price. My husband does that all the time if he ever buys clothes. Whereas I shop around and pretty much always buy on sale.

    Thanks for your input!!!
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Diane on 24th January 2008

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