Group Discussions

Keeping It a Secret?

  • My husband and I are considering having a second child right now. With our first, I was so excited that I told all of my close friends and family as soon as we started trying to conceive! This time around, we don't really want to tell anyone until we're a few months into the pregnancy. At the same time, I love my friends and family, and I feel an urge to have them in on it for support and encouragement.

    So- How soon did you tell friends and family your news? When you were trying? When you first found out? At 3 months? Would you do it the same way again?
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by heels on 30th January 2008
  • With L., we told everyone at 12 weeks -- even our big kids (didn't want them to be disappointed if something happened). With O., we told everyone earlier -- around 8 weeks -- just because it felt right to do so...

    Do what feels right to you? You can always just confide in your and your husband's parents, swear them to secrecy, and then make a big announcement at a later date!
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Lylah M. Alphonse on 30th January 2008
  • Lylah- I want to keep it from my parents more than just about anybody! It's complicated...
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by heels on 30th January 2008
  • Hmm. I'd say it's your call. Keep it to yourself if that's how you'd prefer it. That's your right, I think. You might put your parents' noses out of joint, though, if you wait a long time. Which is fine, too, but you'll have to do damage control there if you don't have a rock solid relationship with them...and sounds like maybe you don't.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Diane on 31st January 2008
  • It all depended on how close we were to certain people. With our girls, we didn't tell anyone we were trying, because it only took a month both times. We did tell people we were pregnant right away with our oldest though, because we found out on Mother's Day, and we were calling everyone any way.

    With #3, our friends eventually knew we were trying because it took quite a bit longer, and there were a lot of ups and downs with the process. We waited longer to tell family once I was pregnant though, because we knew they wouldn't approve. Complicated, sad, but true.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Kristie McNealy on 8th February 2008
  • nicu101, I'm so sorry you had to deal with that...
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Lylah M. Alphonse on 8th February 2008
  • I really like to tell the people close to me right away. It makes me feel better and helps them understand why I am complaining (more than normal). The first trimester sucks... (physically) and its been so much easier for me to get though it with the moral support of people who know whats going on.

    I lost the first preg at 13 weeks and everyone knew about it ... so on #2 I waited till 13 weeks to tell anyone at my office and that didn't go well either because I had to keep everything to myself and that is stressful too.

    I have since decided that I tell just enough people to have a good support system. We live and learn.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Renee on 16th April 2009
  • Well I didn't even find out that I was pregnant til I was four months, so I really didn't have a choice as to how soon I would tell everybody (and for those of you with that question of how could you not know for that long, well unlike a lot of people I used to have irregular menstruals and often times did not have a period for up to six months, plus I didn't really show that much at the time). But given the choice I probably would have kept from my parents for a little while.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Lindsey on 23rd April 2009
  • My sister's rule of thumb is "before 12 weeks, don't tell anybody you don't want to have to UNtell." She had a miscarriage late in the first trimester and adopted that rule after the fact. Anyone mourning the loss of a pregnancy probably wants and needs the support of her biggest cheerleaders...everyone else can wait.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Steel Magnolia on 24th April 2009
  • Yes, I think you should be very careful with who you tell. You shouldn't feel obligated or pressured to tell anyone.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Candice Kwark on 12th April 2011

Add a Reply