Husbands and chores!Subscribe
haha i tried to have a spreadsheet that wrote out who was responsible for what on which days. he laughed at me. seriously! so no we dont do that *sigh*
usually we just do some specific chores ourselves (he deals with trash and the animals, we both split the rest, i commute for 2 hours a day )
we occasionally fall into the 'i do more than you do!' but we pretty quickly realize we are being silly and we both do the best we can. one say i am getting a cleaning person... ONE DAY!!
Oh my goodness Diane... this has always been a sore spot in our marriage. I tried the spreadsheet thing too and that just didn't work for me. I figured that since I'm home, I am going to try to get as much housework done as possible. It's not that he expects it, but I feel like I should at least try my best while I'm here!
So what I have done is set aside half-hour increments to get certain things done. So after the baby goes down, I clean the house- laundry, dishes, sweep, stuff like that- for a half hour. Then I do business stuff for a half-hour. Then it's time to get baby up and get my son from school. Then it's lunch and nap, so I do the same thing during naptime.
I have tried to designate DAYS to getting things done, but that didn't work. And my hubby definitely helps out around here. He does dishes and laundry and stuff. I think that the more effort I show, the more he gives too. Sometimes that helps!!
Hope this helps!!Flag as inappropriate Posted by on 11th February 2008
I'm tired. So maybe this would be snarkier than I intend, but maybe it will help. What if you were to post a simple sheet of paper on the fridge with 2 columns, one for you and one for him. Then as the week happens, list the household chores each performs. Don't make a comment or a show of things. This should be about as exciting as adding milk to the grocery list. It's probably best to talk about this before you do it. You can talk about wanting to know how much work it takes to keep the house going. Something very diplomatic. And he should add anything he does that you don't notice. Pay bills, change the oil, plan trips, etc. maybe do this, week by week, for a month. And see what happens. Maybe he'll start doing more. Maybe not, but you'll both have a clearer picture of what needs to be done and who's doing it.
I'm lucky. My husband doesn't do much but he doesn't expect much either. We'd have some serious friction around here if he demanded a spotless house with the same amount of effort from him.
People have divorced over this very issue.
There is some research that suggests it's fairly common for men in a certain age group to perceive themselves as
1) above having to do domestic tasks
2) doing more than they actually are
Here's a very interesting article summarizing a study linking housework and depression in women. It's a must read-> http://www.brown.edu/Administration/George_Street_ Journal/vol23/23GSJ22a.html
My husband does a ton around the house. He washes most of the dishes (and by most I mean about 80-90 percent). I do most of the cooking (80-90%). He does most of the laundry, we both pick up around the house. He does the trash and walks the dog. I do most of the deep cleaning like sweeping, mopping, dusting, and the bathroom. I do most things for our daughter like bathing her and putting her to sleep, but he does a lot of the diaper changes when he is at home. I'm pretty darn happy with the way we have things split up. In fact, sometimes I worry that I don't do enough. Then when I push myself to the max I end up feeling like crap and taking it out on him. He prefers a happy wife to an overworked one.
When we first got married he didn't help out very much, and it was a major issue for us. We talked about it, and he actually wanted to help, but thought I was judgmental when he did help. The truth was, that I was not only asking him to help out, but to do everything my way. It drove him crazy and made him not want to help. Sometimes I still have to catch myself before I tell him how to do everything. It really helps us to talk out what each of our points of view are...sometimes the problem can be fixed by simply being more supportive...but maybe it's something else.
My DH is not such DH in this dept. It may be that I secretly wish for more.
The problem is that he will do ANYTHING I ask - I just hate having to ask.
He does walk the dog twice a day.
He takes out the trash
Puts the recyclables out
The only time he sweeps is if he breaks something, he'll sweep it up.
The same goes for the vacuum
I do all the cleaning.
I actually enjoy cleaning - just not this much.
He does not cook but he will clean it up...when reminded.
I give the kids a bath mon - fri and he is SUPPOSE to do it on the weekends and for the most part he does except when he gets amnesia.Flag as inappropriate Posted by on 18th February 2008
MamaJama, I think you are right on. I learned from watching my friends that got married before me that the quickest way to do all the housework by yourself is to criticize the way your husband does it. I sacrificed THREE - count 'em THREE cashmere sweaters to my husband learning to do my laundry - and I didn't criticize, and I always thanked him, and now he does 90% of our laundry - CORRECTLY! It is a beautiful thing. SO worth 3 sweaters! Also, I have lost 3 wine glasses to the dishes cause, but hey - I look at it like this - if I could pick between a few ruined clothes, or broken glasses and no help, I choose help. Some people can't take the damage though, so it's a personal choice. Of course, maybe I just have a wonderful husband! Also, HUGE disclaimer - we have a cleaning lady that takes care of the windows, floors, dusting, and major bathroom scrubbing. If we didn't, the house would go to seed.
The list thing has never worked for me either and the bottom line girls is we were made to multi task! My husband (What does DH mean anyways?) can do one thing at a time and that is it! So he does the dishes and cleans up the kitchen 9 times out of 10, and I will leave the dishwasher so he can put them away. Sometimes (not very often) he will say, I am sick of cleaning up this kitchen...my response, you can go clean the bathroom, put away the clothes, change the sheets on the bed, dust, vacuum.....and he usually stops. He does like to do windows!!! And he is great at wiping down the cabinets in the kitchen.
My advice, after being married for almost 12 years....find out what he is good at and have him focus on that.And if you can...get a cleaning lady! But seriously, do not be too concerned about the house, it will be there no matter what. I have definitely learned to relax in that envirnment...there have been a few times he has said, the house is trashed! And my response "Yep!"