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Help Me please

  • I am new to this group and am looking for some advice in the mothering and working department. I feel as if I am torn in to pieces every day. When I am at work I want to be home with my daughter but when I am at home I feel like I should be doing things for work. I can't quit my job, besides I love working. I just want to know how others are surviing
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by stacey on 11th February 2008
  • Stacey, I really feel for you. It's small comfort to know that there is no ONE solution to this eternal tug-of-war women have between home and work- you have to decide what's best for you and your family. You are definitely not alone in your struggle. If you are interested, read "The Other Mother" by Gwendolyn Gross. It's about two mothers who are neighbors, and though they've made different choices they BOTH struggle with the issue. You can read my review

    if you're interested.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Anne Florenzano on 11th February 2008
  • Hi, Stacey,

    First of all, welcome to Work It, Mom! -- I'm so glad you've found us. We have a really strong and very supportive community here and I think being part of it does help feel like you're not alone.

    I often feel very torn as well -- and same as you, I love to work and I also have to work. I've not found a magic bullet, but what I do try to do is be present, be in the moment with my daughter when I am with her and also to try and focus on work when I am there... it's tough, but I try.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Nataly on 11th February 2008
  • Hi Stacey,

    I use to work outside of the home until 2 years ago. I was torn every single day just like you. I would cry when I would have to travel, feel incredibly guilty if I had to work late and miss tuck ins etc.. The first 6 months home was brutal. It felt so strange.

    I am home now and when I am away from them for a few hours I get the same torn feeling. So I am not sure that feeling ever goes away. Dpn't quit your job if you LOVE it. I did not share the same feelings for what I was doing. If I did I probably would of kept working. Your daughter will admire you for it when she grows.

    When you do have the time to spend with her, make it all about quality fun time. If you know that she is in good hands while you are away that is all you need to worry about.

    Trust me - I know it is so hard being away. The smile on your face in your picture is screaming l-o-v-e. There's not doubt your little girl feels it.

    There is something to be said for a career even though it is incredibly difficult. I love being home and there were several reasons why I made that decision.

    If the opportunity to travel alone came up now - I don't think I would cry... I'd probably be running for the airport gate and not turn back once. hee hee.

    CALGON - TAKE ME AWAY! that's as far as I get these days and it's one flight up from here.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by on 12th February 2008
  • It sucks- thats all there is to it.

    To make it less of teh suck, though, I have found these things to be helpful:

    1) Make sure you are REALLY happy with where your child is spending the day away from you. If you are stressed about where your kid is, you'll never feel comfortable at work. I remember when I first came back to work and my son was in a different daycare than he is now. It was an AWFUL place, and I couldn't concentrate on anything else. Simply moving him to a place I felt better about made all the difference.

    2) Turn off work COMPLETELY when you're at home. I come home and immediately change my clothes so that I don't even feel the same as when I was working. I jump right in to playing with my son and enjoying my night. There's always the next day to get work done.

    That's what worked for me, anyway.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by heels on 13th February 2008
  • Hi Stacey - Have you ever thought about working for yourself doing a home-based business. This could give you more time with the kids, yet you would still be "working". I started my business last April and love it!! It gives my whole life balance.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Kristie on 14th February 2008
  • Hi Stacey,

    I could have written the exact same post. I telecommute; so home is always intruding on work and vice versa. I've been trying to find a way to improve the situation; I haven't come up with anything yet. Hopefully, it gets easier!
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Leah on 10th March 2008
  • I worked in the school system while my children were little and could check in on them each day when I got to missing them. I changed jobs and was so overwhelmed. I know one thing that worked for me was during my break at work I would call and talk a few minutes to them. If you work at a place that will allow that it would make your work day seem much shorter and you feel more focused after you talk to your child. It doesn't make the torn feeling go away but makes the days easier, at least it did for me.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by LeighJ on 11th March 2008
  • Hello!
    I am with you on your situation, although i'm expecting my first child i'm already having fears of my daughter calling the daycare provider mommy instead of me. What I hope to be helpful on me is I've found a daycare provider (who is excellent) 2.5 miles away from where i work. I made sure i was allowed to come over to spend some time with my daughter during my lunch break. You might want to try finding a daycare place near your work.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by me123 on 10th November 2008
  • Sometimes even when you work from home you feel torn. It can be really hard because your home is your work, so that feeling of keeping the two separate is even more difficult. I'm with my daughter for a large portion of the day, and I still feel torn when I hear her crying for me in the other room while I work and her dad takes care of her. I also feel guilty about spending time with family when the laptop is calling. What has helped me is to have a pretty rigid schedule. I don't talk on the phone or make plans during my work time. It's hard to make up that work time, because then I'm missing something bedtime or trips to the park, etc. I hope you find what works for you Stacey!!
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by mamajama on 10th November 2008

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