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Mom Sad about leaving baby in daycare

  • I'm late in the game on this discussion (but I work! I can't get here that often!!!)

    Wanted to offer some advice to Amber and anyone else who struggles with this...make friends with the people at your daycare. Become involved - get there 10 minutes early, or stay and chat when you pick up. (I know, I know - who has the time??)

    My anxiety level really lowered once I took the view that my son's daycare is a community, too - an environment - and one that I should be involved in. We started a parent Involvement Committee that puts on events, family nights at Chuck.E.Cheese, mom's night out, etc. We do things for the teachers, reach out to the new parents, and more. It really doesn't add that much more to my day, and it makes me feel really connected to my son - I can share his day more, in a way.

    The bonus is the friends I've made. My immediate circle of daily-contact friends is now almost entirely comprised of moms I met hanging out at my son's daycare!

    It's such a tough world for a working mom. Ya just gotta tweak your environment to suit your needs and ease your guilt. Good luck!!
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Shannon B. on 13th March 2008
  • Also late to this discussion, but wanted to reinforce Shannon and SK's comments- my two boys were in day care as infants ( both started part time at 3 months, then full time at 6 months), and I pumped at work too. With my first, I cried a little bit, but what felt worse was this big hole in my body left by my child while I was at work. It really felt like there was physical damage done to me. I was able to go and nurse my son over my lunch hour, which helped me so much. I got to be with him, he and I got to nurse, and i got to sit with the two amazing women that took care of him. That made my life at work even more stressful (I could drive to day care, nurse, drive back to work in just under an hour, so I ate a sandwich in the care- how relaxing), but also helped me stay connected to my son. I feel like I was very lucky to have a job that I really loved, and supportive people at work that were glad to see me back, and that helped too. And once I made some connections with some of the other parents at the day care, I really was able to feel good about our situation. Now that this baby is a five year old, I definitely see how he has benefited from day care. He has no problem with the basic social structures of taking turns, waiting in line, eating lunch with a group, sitting in his spot on the conversation mat, etc, etc.

    The big thing with all of that is that you have to trust yourself and the situation that it's going to work out with benefits. So if you don't feel that way, then as others have talked about in their situations, then maybe having your child in day care isn't the right choice for you and your family.

    I'm glad you're reaching out and talking about how you're feeling. This is why it truly does take a village!
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Traci on 14th March 2008
  • Shannon hit the nail on the head here. Make friends with the daycare teachers and you will not regret it! I never drop and run and I used to drop in once or twice a week on my son and spend my entire lunch hour with him. I know they treat me differently than the moms who come in talking on their cell phones, never stopping to talk. Mostly, it makes me feel less like a tyrant when I question something because we already have a good repore and they don't get defensive right off the bat.

    We actually started out going down the nanny road when I first went back to work. It was difficult to find someone we were comfortable with and ultimately she did not fulfill our expectations, so we went with The Goddard School for daycare. I am so happy we ended up where we are. There is no TV in the room and they have a "lesson plan" every day with activities. The teachers are wonderful and he really enjoys it there. We haven't gone through the major separation anxiety stage yet (had a mini-stage, but it did not apply to his daycare--he wouldn't go to my MIL, but had no issues with me walking out the door at daycare, LOL)
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by BrendaG on 14th March 2008
  • Amber, I hear that it really isn't so bad. But I couldn't imagine letting him go for such a long time. And it's tough to do it all, to breastfeed, pump, take care of everyone during the night, and enjoy the whole experience. If it makes sense to use daycare, be at peace with it. But if it doesn't, know that there are many women, to include myself, who have found a way to be at home, making sometimes more money from home. All the best to you and yours.
    Our biz works for many moms, if you choose to get serious about no daycare
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Francesca on 2nd October 2008
  • Hello Ladies,

    I just joined the group today as I was looking for a similar thread. My 6 month old baby just joined daycare too and the way he cries when I leave and pick him up wrenches my heart. I feel terrible to the core. I truly want to believe that this is the best thing for him however I cant convince myself it is.

    Secondly I have a small question. My baby, Neil is used to having me around him all the time. its not like I hold him a lot but I am always close by whenevr he's playing or doing anthing. I do not believe in cry it out method and so I often put him to sleep myself. By put him to sleep I mean rock him a bit or pat him till he falls asleep. Now my daycare lady (she is an elderly female and has a some set opinions about how to handle kids. But she has got great reviews and everyone thinks highly of her) says that I need to break his habit of wanting me all the time and I should let him cry a bit at home too. I kind of dont approve of it. He anyways has a bit of tough time at the daycare, I dont want to add to it by being a bit distant to him at home. What do you suggest I do? Should I listen to his careprovider as she says or should i let it pass? Looking for another daycare is not an option, :( I have to go to work and there's no daycare close by with as good reviews as her.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by KatieP on 27th January 2012

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