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He hates his life!

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  • Referring to my 14 year old son that is! He informed me a few nights ago that he "hates his life".



    The comment came out during a discussion (not going in his favor). So I ask why, and he replies...'Because of you".



    Well, I again ask ...Why? He says..."Because I'm always grounded". So I inform him that is not because of me, that is because of him. So he says..."No, I don't ground myself, you do that".



    You see how the conversation is going....absolutely nowhere! I'm getting nowhere, and he's learning nothing. This all began over bad grades. lying about homework, playing video games when they were taken away from lying about homework. Fooling around in class, notes from teachers about the fooling around, etc. etc.



    Now....fast forward about 2 hours......



    He says...."Mom, do you think we could go to EB Games? (a video game store). So, I say, maybe in a while. So, he says...."And I have $29, but the game I want is $55. So, I'll just work off the rest of the money if that's o.k. with you?" And you know my grades have come up and everything...right? And I won't play the game until I'm off restriction.



    God I dislike teenagers sometimes. Someone pleeeease tell me you can relate?!
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by on 17th March 2008
  • Oh, honey, been there, done that!



    I've sworn that they're going to engrave this on my headstone when I die because I've said it so much to my now 18 year old daughter:



    "If you'd done what you were told to do in the first place, you wouldn't have the problem you have now."



    It's also like living with Jekyll and Hyde. Just look at them the wrong way and they go ballistic. And I also don't know how many times I've looked at her and asked, "Do you not understand the word "NO"? What part of this word do you NOT understand?"



    You have my sympathies. My BFF (who has a 24 year old daughter and twin 23 year old sons) keeps telling me it WILL pass....it WILL get better and they DO turn into a human being eventually.



    I'm just hoping I survive it.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by JKLD on 17th March 2008
  • Someone once told me that teenagers are the only people who act like children because they want you to treat them like adults. Certainly true in our household!



    MaryP recently wrote a great article about contracting with your teen. Here's the link: http://www.workitmom.com/article-2677



    And just today Margalit launched a 10-writer blog for moms with older kids: http://mid-centurymodernmoms.typepad.com -- it's brand-new, but given the roster of writers involved, there's going to be some amazing stories and great advice up there...
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Lylah M. Alphonse on 17th March 2008
  • My son will be soon 13 and I have the same problem with the video games and the homework bit! I take the cotrollers Monday through Friday for the game systems and if the homework is done and your chores are done on Friday after school he can have the game controllers back till Sunday night and the whole process starts all over. Of course on Sunday there are the arguements when the controllers are mine for the week. It all depends on how the week goes as well. That is my 2 cents lol.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Lyn on 29th March 2008
  • Lyn,

    I hope your son is turning the completed homework in. The one thing I found is that while daughter did the work, it somehow didn't get turned in or was "lost". And it seems to be not that uncommon a problem during this age. Why, I do NOT understand. One would think that it would be simple...do the work, turn it in, get the grade. A no-brainer, right?



    Wrong. Somehow, someway, the 2nd and 3rd parts don't get thru the grey matter in the brain. I thought I was the only one with the problem. Turns out, I wasn't.



    It's FINALLY gotten thru, tho... Course, I've butted my head against the wall so many times I can't count.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by JKLD on 29th March 2008
  • Been there and am still doing this. I have 4 kids. I have 2 still in high school. This is my opion but boys are easier then girls.



    Our oldest(who is 25 now) gave us a run for his money. With grades, homework, girlfriends, lying, etc. The younger son(19yr old) wasn't as bad with the lying. The grades and homework were a challenge till 11 grade. Then he went to the Technical School for Criminal Justice/Firefighting. He loved the program and his whole attitude and grades went up.



    The girls are in 9th and 11th. Never had homework problems with them. They both are honor students. But the fighting about friends and boyfriends will dry you CRAZY!!! The lying can really get to you also. Girls there is aways DRAMA!!!!





    Somedays my hubby and I don't think we will make it thru the girls. But then the next day everything is ok and they are getting along. Well one day at a time.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by crazymomof04 on 1st April 2008
  • Crazy,



    I've declared that my daughter is going to put in the grave WAY before my time. Many years ago, hubby and I went down to Orlando without her (a business trip) and at MGM, we bought her a mini-Oscar statue. That's exactly what we thought of all her drama...and it hasn't stopped. Slowed down a bit...but not stopped.



    Boyfriend is driving her to distract because (and this is strange) he won't speak up about anything HE wants to do when they're together. He's always deferring to her. Now, we all know that's nice on occassions, but NOT every time. And so, there was a fight about it the other night. Many tears. Ranting (to us). And of course, you simply nod your head and don't open your mouth because no matter what you say, it's wrong.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by JKLD on 1st April 2008
  • I have to agree with everyone's comments and advice. My oldest is 14 and it's been a fun roller coaster ride so far (not really). The best advice I have received is "Don't take your teen's behavior personally." I'm not sure if I took that advice in the right context but stepping back and realizing that his behavior & attitude was about him and really had nothing to do with me or what kind of mother I was helped me put things in perspective. I can deal with each issue, keep my bounderies, and not have my feelings hurt when he doesnt like me or my rules. I just smile and nod.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Dawn White on 10th April 2008
  • Newbie here. I have to agree with Dawn. Our youngest is now 15 and have gone through this a few times. I always say if they don't hat you or hate their life occasionally then you are not doing your job. Try not to let it hurt. Do what you know is right. And, yeah smile and nod A LOT!
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Judy on 10th April 2008
  • There has been, on occassions, that daughter will rant and rave about a so-called grave "injustice" that we've done by imposing rules. At some point, I will simply look at her and tell her that until she moves out and supports herself totally,she is living under OUR roof and will obey OUR rules since WE are the ones who put that roof over her head, clothes on her back, etc. That she can learn to deal with it, and get over it. That's the way it is now and will remain, end of discussion. And if she doesn't like it, tough tootie. (something that was said to me on occassions MANY moons ago as well).



    she *Slams Doors* and sulks into her room.



    A couple of hours go by and she's ok....again and for the time being.



    As I've told her several times - you don't make the rules....we do. Deal with it and get over it.



    Now, I know that approach may not jive in the age of "new age" parenting, but tough. I'm old school and proud of it. There are things in life that I absolutely will NOT put up with.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by JKLD on 10th April 2008

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