He hates his life!Subscribe
My 19 year old son was diagnosed recently with BiPolar Disorder. I have fervently read about it, engaged him and my partner in therapy, had him on medication, which he went on and off several times. There are many terrible things that have happened during this time leading up to and during that would take up volumes, so I will try to be brief and ask a few very important questions:
1. He hates his life and talks of how although he will not commit suicide, that he really doesn't feel that he will ever be happy and can never feel Love or have a family, etc. How do I respond to this?
2. He listens to these headbanger/hard punk music that is filled with "hate" messages and brutal sounds of violence, etc. What should I do about this? He is of age and I cannot take this away.
3. When he goes out, I feel that he may never come home alive as he has done and had some close brushes with death. How can I communicate to him that he can hurt himself and that it may be irreversible, when he really doesn't care about anything?
4. He has some very bad friends that drink and drug, but most of them go home at night and are now heading to college. He oftentimes does not come home until the next morning and then has been found sleeping in the trunk of his care and at one time he was beat up found passed out on the rainy street by a stranger and brought home. Scary stuff and horribly painful. How can I get him to just come home at a decent hour or call and tell me he is ok?
5. The last time he told us about hating life and how he doesn't care if he lives or dies, we took him to a local hospital, as recommended by the therapist, He agreed to being admitted, and while the psychiatrist agreed he should be admitted, and then told us to go in the waiting room, he then bolted our into the night w/o coat or anything. We searched the grounds for hours and then went home to search the home area and found him later on in the trunk of his car.
can someone give me good advice. I won't give up on him, nor mistreat him, but I am going to lose it myself if I don't see any improvement soon.
This was me as a teen. Don't give in to him and don't play into the tantrum. Try to look at it as a tantrum by an adult and deal with it accordingly. Funny, I'm reading a book called Loving Without Spoiling - meant for younger kids. The tactics work on my husband and friends as well. They might help you, too.
Does anybody get their children through the teenage years without wonder, "Now, why do I love my children?" Then I think back to something my own mother use to say to me........"I can't wait until you have kids!!!" I wonder what she meant......lol. I did read a book when my daughter (I personally think girls are the worst) was going through a lot of mood swings in high school and that book was "Mom, I hate my life!" by Sharon A. Hersh. I thought it was awesome. I would highly recommend it to anyone
as a powerful resource in maintaing a connection with your child. My daughter and I both experienced dramatic life-changing growth.
I think that it is totally normal, as Marilyn posted. The weird thing is that my husband was never like that as a teen with his parents because his father was abusive and he knew better than to act this way and get beaten to a pulp like his brother and sister did. Guess what? He does it now!!! He goes through a "teenage" stage every now and then and it is CRAZY hard on me. From this discussion, I think that I have figured out why! He was never allowed to do it as a teen so he does it now! I guess it's better to let the kids get it out of their system as a teen and guide them through it!
Sometimes I think we need to be able to step back and honor whatever feelings our kids have, without trying to change them. Thus when my child says she feels something, I begin to ask her more about what that feels like for her. I take a stance on curiosity and exploration with them into what that is, and how it shows up in their body, and mind.
For me sometimes I know that I feel bad, and I really don't necessarily want to feel anything different in the moment, I call it wallowing in my s*&t! When I have enough of it, then I am ready to move on. For me if I allow myself sometime, even ten fifteen minutes to just wallow away in it, then I come out with a renewed joy and ready to take on something else!