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struggling with leaving my daughter

  • I am a professional full time working mom who is struggling with a lot of pain over leaving our daughter in someone else's care. Our daughter has been home with a nanny until now but just started daycare yesterday. I felt slightly better when she was at home being cared for but either way I do not like that I have to work and leave her. I want to be the one to raise her full time and enjoy all the wonderful things she does all day. I have been working for some time now and I thought that this would get easier but it hasn't. I am finding this excruciating.

    I know that some women do not feel this way in leaving their children, but for those of you who find it difficult to leave your child every day, how are you doing it? I am trying to make peace with this and it just isn't happening. My saving grace has been that I sometimes have some flexibility with my job to take some time off to spend with my daugther so I take advantage of that when I can. But that also typically only makes me wish that I had more time with her.

    I am in desperate need of some advice from other working moms who have dealt with similar struggles.

    Thanks in advance for any responses.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by busymomwife7 on 2nd July 2009
  • Hi.

    I totally understand where you are coming from. I work full time and miss my daughter terribly. She is 2. I was able to change my hours, so I work from 6-2:30 and I have a good chunk of the afternoon with her. I just try to be present with her when we are together. I do household chores with her when she can help and when she can't, I do them when she sleeps. it is really difficult for me since my mom was a SAHM. But I do the best I can. Until recently, she loved seeing her friends in daycare. (I hope this is just a phase.) Good luck and if you want to talk more, just let me know. :)
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by ramseyquipp on 9th July 2009
  • I am sorry that you are going through this. I, myself, could not do it. I look up to the woman that can! I am sorry I have no real advice for you!
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Shop with Me Mama on 11th July 2009
  • I totally know how you feel! I am going through the same problem. My daughter is now a year old and I went back to work when she was 7 months. I thought it would get easiert but it has got so hard. She cries when I leave her now and it kills me every single day! The only thing that keeps me going, is that I have to sacrifice NOW, so that I can be with her when she is older. Someone once told me that she won't fully remember these times, but she will remember when she is 4 or 5 and you can't be there for her soccer game or anything else she might be invloved in. So I keep in mind that we have to work hard right now to be able to be there later. I understand it's really hard and I still deal with the issue, but try to take advantage of every moment with her and remember your not a bad mom because you work. Millions of mothers work and there children grow up fine. I need to listen to my own advice haha:) Hope this helped!
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by lovesmommy on 16th July 2009
  • My son is almost 3. I went back to work when he was 4 months. I teach so am off in the summer and have several weeks off a year with him-but I'll tell you it has never gotten any easier for me. My mother-in-law watched him last year and he went to a two's program three days a week but she is ill and cannot watch him this year. He begins at a full-time daycare on Tuesday and I am dreading it, but will b e relieved to have reliable daycare where I can leave him until 5 if i have to, but I know I won't.
    It is comforting to know I am not the only person agonizing over this. I feel like all of my colleagues are just fine, but I race of out of work almost every day as soon as my contractural hours end to get to him, which is silly I know because he doesn't know the difference between 3:20 and 3:40.
    But we do a late bedtime and I do all my errands with him or while he naps on the weekend. My husband and I also never go out without him which probably is not a good thing. I comfort myself by saying to myself that in 2 years he will be in school anyway and then I will be grateful for my school hours.
    Best of luck. I know it isn't easy.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by EthansMommy on 5th September 2009
  • It is so helpful to hear from other moms who struggle with the same thing. Thanks for all of the words of encouragement!
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by busymomwife7 on 18th November 2009
  • I can also relate. My husband sent me an email today telling me that when he dropped our daughter off at day care, the caregiver went on and on about how much our daughter laughs and "talks" and is such a joy. I should be the one who spends my days with my sweet baby girl. I should have been happy to hear that my baby is so happy, but frankly my heart is broken. Right now, I feel ready to sell our house and live on Ramen noodles in order to afford to stay home with my girl. I feel like I'm missing out on her life. To add insult to injury, my job is very stressful and I just wish I could quit and do what I really want to do, which is stay at home.

    And you are all right...this doesn't get easier. The guilt over all of this is just the icing on the cake.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by SydsMom on 19th November 2009
  • I am going thru this too. All though the intensity has decreased. My daughter is 2.5 years old now. I wanted to leave job the day I found out I was pregnant. But things just didnt work out & job wise life kept getting difficult for my husband, so I had to keep working. Luckily the 1st year she stayed at home with either one of her grandmas who both dote on her. (I cant believe they both agreed to move in with us for months at a time!!) But I never really connected with her. I hated the feeling of not being fully responsible for her. I hated not knowing what each little expression of her face meant. This was the single biggest contributor to my dissatifaction with the way I was handelling motherhood. Luckily when she turned 1 yr I was able to stay at home for 5 months and it was wonderfull. Then my hubby lost his job and I am back to work again for the last 1 year. She goes to a daycare now & is learning a lot of stuff and enjoys the friendship of kids her age. Also, a friend kindly explained to me that my daughter will need me even more when she grows up. She will have so much to discuss from sleepovers to boys to career choices. So I may miss a part of this but I am looking to share a deep bond with her when I can re experience the things that I have enjoyed thru her eyes. I pray that I am there to enjoy all this. Also, 1 thing to keep in mind, if u r bread winner of the family or even a significant contributor to family income, know that without ur job u wont be able to get her all the things that she needs.

    Hang in there!! Everything I do is for my baby. this thought carries me thru toughest times!
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Viveka Brown on 21st December 2009

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