Our society worships personal achievement and financial success. Our society also worships an unrealistic, all-sacrificing ideal of motherhood. These two values directly contradict themselves once a woman becomes a mother. It is very hard to be a mother in America and live up to either of these ideals – and yet we have a lot of moms out there today trying to live up to both at once – to be a loving, hands-on mom, and a success at work. And moms who don’t work feel shunted aside and ignored by people who still work; and in a very real sense, their lack of financial freedom limits choices for themselves and their kids. No wonder moms feel overwhelmed!
Women are naturally competitive. We all want to be the finest moms we can be. So some degree of judgment of other moms, competition with other moms, is normal – even healthy. But for many women, their natural competitiveness gets out-of-control – when you see a mom staying up all night to plan a five-year-old’s birthday party, or crying when she forgets to make cookies for the school bake sale - there is something out of whack, not just in her but in our society overall, that we push moms until they feel such a ridiculous kind of failure.
In recruiting bloggers to write for Work It, Mom! we came across two great career and business authors who declined to participate because they felt that being associated with a “mom site” was going to hurt their careers. Can you share your thoughts on this issue?
That is one of the silliest things I’ve ever heard. Those days where people could get away with not taking someone seriously because she was a mother are long gone. Anyone in business who ignores the incredibly rich, diverse pool of talent among moms – working and stay-at-home – is at a serious competitive disadvantage today.
Many moms coming to our site have taken some time off from working to take care of their kids – and now they want to return to work either full or part-time. Many are intimidated by the challenge of getting back into the workforce. Do you have any perspectives on this?
After talking to hundreds of women following publication of my anthology Mommy Wars, I started to wonder about the conventional wisdom that moms, especially college educated professional women, have trouble returning to work after staying home to care for children. How could a few years off nullify decades of educational and professional accomplishments for so many bright, hard-working, driven women?
I talked with dozens of college-degreed mothers ages 30 to 55 who left professional work for 3 to 10 years to care for their children. I went to conferences for “on rampers” hosted by top business schools, and spoke to large groups of professional moms in New Hampshire, Minnesota, Illinois, California, Florida, Wisconsin, New York and Washington, DC. Hiring managers, headhunters, and placement specialists across the country offered their insights as well.
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