I am not a great grocery shopper.
I’d much rather get paid for my time taking care of client work than to wander aimlessly down grocery-store aisles in search of that elusive item that last week was here and this week the store’s staff has taken great pleasure in hiding elsewhere in this massive MOUSE MAZE called a grocery store.
I avoid grocery shopping as best I can, stopping in only on stealth missions to grab a gallon of milk, orange juice, bread, Hostess Ho Hos, wine, bon bons – you know, the basics.
The scenario usually goes something like this. I’m at work, it’s 6 o’clock and I’m rushing to get out the door. Suddenly, I remember we’re out of some vital staple that I have to get or else my child will die of malnutrition. Off to the store I head, dog in the back of the car, because she’s been at the office with me for the day and she goes where I go.
It’s summertime, so I have to be mindful that she’s in the car and that when I head into that MOUSE MAZE that’s designed to keep me captive for hours on end looking for one tiny little food item, I must, must, must stay on task.
I am not the only one in our office who avoids grocery stores. Our amazing designer, Janna, tells me she hasn’t set foot into a grocery store to do serious shopping in two years. She’s single and feeds off of family, friends and restaurants. Sometimes I miss those days…
So, I am on a mission. In I go, grabbing the handles of a small basket – the ones they place at the store’s entrance for those of us just picking up a few items – on the shortest path I can find to the specific location of what I need.
And, there they are – milk and orange juice side by side. Bread is just around the corner. Mission accomplished.
But, while I’m here, maybe I should make a quick call home to find out if we need anything else. Sure enough, we’re out of cereal. Oh, and how about getting some batteries? And, while you’re there, we need some chips.
OK. Now my basket is getting too heavy for me to hold with one hand. I’m schlepping around the MOUSE MAZE – no, really more wandering now – because I can’t remember where they’ve hidden batteries. Wait, there’s the aisle for chips! Now, backtracking through the store to the cereal aisle. I give. Must ask someone in a green hat and apron with the grocery store’s logo on it where on the face of the earth I might find batteries.
OMG! THE DOG IS IN THE CAR!!!
I head for the Self Check Out Lane, just because I think I can do this faster by myself. How silly. Of course, in my rush I do something wrong and the machine FREEZES, and there are flashing lights all around it telling the world inside the MOUSE MAZE that I have somehow offended the Check-Out gods. I desperately look around for anyone in a green hat and apron to help me.
Someone in authority meanders on over to the machine and smugly punches in a bunch of numbers on the screen. Amazingly, all is well in the world again.
These stealth (not so much) trips really are only a Band-Aid for what inevitably is a full-press trip to the MOUSE MAZE, where I can be lost for hours on end. Those trips are reserved for weekends, when I’m trying to avoid my other not-so-favorite duty called housekeeping.
See, I’m a much happier person when there’s lots of work at the office.
Laurie J. Storey-Manseau is owner of StoreyManseau, LLC, an integrated marketing agency. Her blog is WIMS - Walking In My Sleep.
