What Is An Instant Mom?

I define an instant mom as a stepmother of children in which the father is the custodial parent for the biological mother's failure to care for her children. (Yes, unfortunately, such mothers do exist.) The instant mom suddenly finds herself as a primary caretaker with no instant bond to the children. You date, cohabitate and wed the love of your life with children in tow. You get all of the joy, work, worry, pride and angst as the children grow, but you are in the shadows of all life events as the stepmother. You receive daily reminders that you are not the real mother from bosses, teachers, doctors, relatives, neighborhood mothers, the biological mother and sometimes even the children. Yet, you are the first person the children come to for motherly love and help, and you wouldn't miss a moment of their lives. As the years go on, you grow closer knowing in the back of your mind that your family is not your own. You have no automatic rights to your stepchildren if you divorce and you have no automatic rights if your spouse dies. The biological mom could come back at any time and the court could declare her rehabilitated, and poof, your children are gone. You have no say. You walk a fine lonely line until they are eighteen.

I chose to be an instant mom to three children when I was just 21. After 12 years, I would have made the same choice. Would you?