I Want My Bed Back!

I have never been a fan of the family bed, but have always had a soft spot in my heart when a toddler would wander in during the middle of the night after having a "bad dream."  Fast forward 10 years and I'm still having problems getting my 9 and 12 year old to sleep in their own rooms!  In all fairness, we recently had a family tradedgy and my husband, their father, died suddenly.  Even before his death, they would start in their own beds and wander in and lay on the floor next to our bed sometime during the middle of the night, never waking me up so I didn't stress much about it. Now I am finding it difficult to get them to even start in their beds. I do have a 14 year old who doesn't have this problem, even though he spent a couple of nights right after my husband died in my room. Is there anyone out there who has dealt with a major life change (divorce, widowed, big move...) that had a similar problem. I just need a couple of hours to myself in the evening to do my own unwinding, thinking and feeling.  Any advice is welcomed!!!