My sister and I have a unique relationship. I guess I need to be more specific when I say my sister...I do have three afterall. I'm the oldest of the four of us. One is two years younger, one is seven years younger, and one is fourteen years younger.
I often feel that the oldest two of us grew up in a different house than the other two. Our parents were different with us, our whole life-situation was different than what the other two girls experienced/are experiencing (the youngest is only 10 and they both still live at home).
So us "big girls" remember what it was like before the other two came along, and it gives us a different perspective on the family. My fellow "big girl" sister is a recent college grad with a major independent streak. She's not likely to listen to advice, or take heed of anyone concerned about her. We're extremely different people. Both adventurous, but in completely opposite ways. We don't talk on the phone much, but when we do they're long catch-up type conversations. We mostly see each other at family events, although hopefully that will change now that she's moving into town. We're not what would traditionally considered close, but at the same time we're EXTREMELY close.
Recently someone attacked me. I had confided in this person that my sister and I don't have a traditionally close relationship and that we don't talk all that often. I tried to explain that there's a feeling when we're together though...almost as if we've never been a part. During the verbal onslaught this person attacked me for being aloof and unable to have close relationships.
The confrontation shook me more than I would actually like to admit, and left me feeling insecure about my relationship with my sister. Well, I just saw my sis for the first time in a few months. There is a knowing when we look at each other...hard to explain if you've not experienced it, and everything picked up where we left off. I'd like to say I told you so to my attacker, but I know that if you don't get it...you just don't get it.
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Jody Reale 2nd Sep
The
world
is
just
not
a
one-size-fits-all
kind
of
place,
and
thank
goodness.
I
guess
some
people
just
never
got
the
memo
on
that
one.
mamajama 30th Aug
Thank
you
for
all
of
the
feedback.
It's
really
nice
to
have
a
soft
place
to
fall
(here).
AND
that
I'm
not
some
kind
of
freak
of
nature
for
being
close
to
someone
who
I
don't
talk
to
all
the
time.
MaryP, you mentioned that my attacker might want more intensity/frequency in her relationship with me. Under normal circumstances, I would agree with you 100 percent. In this situation, I'm not so sure. This particular attack came as part of a huge blow up session where it felt like she was trying to tear my character apart. I think it was under the guise of wanting to be "closer", but it made me want to run the other direction. We haven't spoken since this happened, and I'm trying to decide what to do. This person has been very toxic in my life for the past couple of years, but she's not someone I can just throw out with the bath water. I don't think she actually enjoys my company and is trying to manipulate me so that either I'm under her control (calling all the time) or I'm doing something wrong (not calling). It's a complicated power struggle and I don't know if I even get it. The comment she made about my sister and I really hit home though.
Marcia 29th Aug
That's
how
I
am
with
one
of
my
friends.
We
can
go
for
years..
literally
YEARS
without
talking
and
that
first
phone
call
it's
as
if
we
never
missed
a
beat.
It's
really
nice
just
to
know
even
though
you
have
separate
lives
and
are
in
different
directions
that
you'll
always
come
right
back
around
and
have
each
other.
MaryP 29th Aug
I
totally
get
what
you're
saying
about
your
sister.
I'm
the
same
way
with
mine,
and
I
have
one
friend
like
that,
too.
I
have
other
friends
with
whom
I'm
in
much
more
frequent
contact,
but
that
doesn't
make
the
infrequent
friendship
less
deep
or
meaningful.
Different
relationships
have
different
frequency
levels,
different
intensities.
One
isn't
better
or
worse
than
another;
they
just
have
their
own
characteristics.
As long as both parties are happy with the intensity and frequency of contact, either type is a good relationship. If the parties aren't in synch, though, one person might be feeling crowded, or the other feeling isolated. Which gets me to wondering about that woman you were talking with. When she generalized like that, saying that you're "aloof and unable to have close relationships" I'm wondering if she's expressing a frustration she feels in her relationship with you. Is it possible she'd like a different style of relationship with you? (No blame here! I just find the possibility interesting. And maybe I'm totally on the wrong track, anyway.)
KC 29th Aug
mamajama:
I
think
you're
right:
if
you
don't
get
it
...
you
just
don't
get
it.
I
have
two
older
sisters
and
have
different
relationships
with
the
oldest
vs.
the
middle
closer-in-age
sister.
So,
I
guess
opposite
sides
of
the
same
coin?
But,
I
believe
that
there
is
a
sisterly
bond
that,
despite
differences,
tie
us
together
which
others
don't
quite
understand.
This
blog
post
if
very
timely
in
my
own
life:
in
a
matter
of
hours
my
son
and
I
are
headed
to
Oklahoma
to
visit
my
sister
and
her
husband.
She
is
very
independent
and
we
can
go
months
without
talking.
Although
I
doubt
that
we'll
spend
long
hours
catching
up
(not
a
great
relationship
...
hence,
my
husband
is
NOT
accompanying
us,
which
is
a
drama
in
and
of
itself),
we
are
linked
by
a
unique
past
home
life
and
no
one
can
really
understand
or
judge
it.
Michele 29th Aug
Some
people
can
be
so
horrible!
I'm
sorry
someone
attacked
you
like
this.
I can relate to your situation. I'm not always on the phone with my family or connected at the hip to my girlfriends. Proximity and frequency were never my measures of a close relationship. And, my girlfriends are the same way. We always laugh when we go a few weeks without talking or getting together and then have this huge bonding fest. It's great to be independent and it sounds like you and your sister are close. Go with it! I think as we grow older, relationship dynamics we had in high school and college transform. Just because you aren't on the phone or with each other every day does not mean you aren't close. Careers come, husbands come, kids come, there are other priorities. Your friends are the ones that stick with you regardless. |
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