This whole Ex thing is really throwing me for a loop. I don't know why, exactly. I haven't thought of him in years, and I certainly don't regret not marrying him.
I mean, I have regrets, but I always felt it was the right decision. Of course, I also felt ok with it since I knew that after he crawled out of the bottle our breakup sent him into, he moved on and got married. I also knew that everyone said that it was a classic rebound, but glossed over that in favour of "he's moved on. He's happy." I don't have that shield anymore.
I messaged him, and we've talked a bit. It's strange to be so formal and awkward with someone with whom you used to be so close. And all the regret, all the sorrow and confusion I've held at bay for the last decade--that I really didn't even know I had-- is rushing in and threatening to pull me under.
I don't know what to do with all these feelings, or what I want out of this experience. I suspect it's absolution, and I'm not sure I have a right to ask for that.
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Jenorama 17th Oct 07
MaryP 16th Oct 07
I
think
what
you
do
with
this
is
just
experience
it.
It
looks
like
you're
discovering
that
you
hadn't
worked
it
through
as
thoroughly
as
perhaps
you'd
thought,
those
years
ago.
Now
there's
more.
Sometimes
you
just
need
to
sit
fallow
for
a
bit,
let
it
all
germinate
quietly,
and
see
what
emerges.
At
some
point,
you
may
need
to
take
action
of
some
sort,
and
when/if
you
do,
you'll
know.
For
now,
maybe
you
need
to
simply
sit
and
be.
Kate 15th Oct 07
Wow!
I
actually
think
this
is
great!
And
I
promise
it
will
be
less
painful
and
less
awkward
eventually.
My
bestguyfriend
is
actually
my
college
boyfriend.
We
dated
two
years
and
I
just
*knew*
he
was
NOT
who
I
wanted
to
marry
or
spend
the
rest
of
my
life
with.
This
did
not
make
breaking
up
and
moving
2
states
away
any
easier.
There
were
a
lot
of
tears
and
he
was
also
miserable
and
sad
when
I
left
(stopped
eating,
drinking
too
much,
etc.).
Eventually
he
saw
that
I
was
right
(of
COURSE
lol)
and
that
we
were
much
better
as
friends
than
anything
more.
We
are
both
now
married
with
a
kid
each
and
are
very
happy.
The
best
part
is
that
we
are
VERY
honest
with
each
other
and
can
still
say
YOU
ARE
AN
IDIOT
when
needed.
LOL
but
we
know
it
comes
from
a
good
place
and
that
we
will
be
friends
forever.
And
just
friends!!
Hold
onto
your
gut
instinct
that
says
you
made
the
right
decision
and
just
concentrate
on
how
you
are
happy
now.
Good
luck!!
Marcia 15th Oct 07
I
just
added
my
first
love
to
myspace
over
the
weekend
and
he
messaged
me
first.
It
is
definately
strange
doing
the
'hi,
how
have
you
been'
small
talk.
I
just
hope
that
maybe
him
and
I
can
become
friends
again
like
we
were
before
we
got
together.
He
was
a
big
part
of
my
life
for
so
long
that
it's
difficult
to
just
not
see/talk
to
him.
I
haven't
really
talked
to
him
for
a
long
time
so
we'll
see
how
it
goes
I
guess.
I
just
remind
myself
that
we've
both
changed
in
that
amount
of
time,
whether
for
the
better
or
worse.
Besides
that,
I
am
happy
where
I
am
but
don't
know
where
he
is
in
life
really.
SweetyPi 14th Oct 07
Well,
you
write,
and
do
that
well.
So
that's
a
very
good
outlet.
Knowing
you
made
the
right
decision
for
you
doesn't
make
it
any
easier
to
deal
with
the
pain
you
seem
to
think
you
caused
him.
You
might
have
caused
him
some
pain,
that
may
be.
But
you
shouldn't
regret
the
fact
it
may
have
still
been
there
whether
you
were
around
or
not.
Let
yourself
feel
is
all
I
can
suggest.
Wonder
and
doubt
only
breed
insecurity,
you
don't
need
that.
Know
you
did
what
you
could
for
your
health
and
he
did
what
he
did
to
get
to
where
he
is.
Having
a
"get
to
know"
session
again
isn't
anything
but
catching
up
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I think if I were to suddenly see HIS name in my InBox, my heart would stop. I can totally understand why this is throwing you for such a loop.