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Do you think your working positively impacts your kids?”

Asked by The Work It, Mom! Team on 10th January 2008

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Yes, because my son will be an only child so this is how he's going to get to interact with other children and learn interpersonal dynamics - outside the home. His daycare has taught him sign language, verbal language, manners, how to dance, how to sing, etc. Not that we wouldn't have taught him that, but I am amazed every day at how much they do with him and how much he seems to enjoy it.
I also think that I am better off working. Staying at home is a great choice if it works for everyone in the family but I think I would be very tense and unhappy staying at home. I really need adult interaction and get energized by working with and connecting with other people to solve problems and generate ideas. I love my son but I am not sure I would be a relaxed and happy mom if I was with him 24/7. I think working also forces some good balance into my marriage and makes my husband step up to the plate and contribute his fair share. I have so many SAHM friends who complain that their husbands do nothing around the house because "I was at work all day." My husband cannot use that excuse because hey, I was at work all day too. Because I work, my son gets to spend one-on-one time with his dad and have a dad that is involved in the mundane day-to-day stuff in his life. His dad interacts with the daycare, buys diapers, makes my son dinner, does housework, etc. I think it's good for my son to see two people working together to make the family work and both people contributing to all different kinds of tasks.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by amyella on 25th January 2008
As a recently back to work mom, I was torn at first. But now I really think it is good for us all. My kids are with their grandma and my friend during the week so they get love from more than just me and my hubby and they are subject to various personalities which I feel is a positive influence. My husband is happy that there is an additional income and I am glad to have time away from home to be someone other than Mommy. I think my girls will grow to see how important it is for a woman to have independence and to contribute to her family's wellbeing no matter what she decides to do. In an ideal world, I'd rather work 3or4 days a week and be home 3 or 4 to have that bit of extra quality time with them since running errands, cleaning, laundry and grocery shopping tends to cut in on fun time with the kiddies. It's definitely not easy, especially if they get sick. But I think their exposure to other caretakers is good. Especially as they get older and are in school all day, they won't even miss me, they'll be too busy socializing and having fun with their classmates.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Kelly on 13th January 2008
Yes but only becuase I have the best of both worlds. When my son was born I had just started a job in local government (actually found out I was pregnant 2 weeks into the job!) They graciously allowed me to work 1/2 time at the office and 1/ 2 time at home until he was 1. This made nursing a newborn much easier, and my dearest childhood friend and former daycare owner cared for him. But I had a lot of evening meetings which up until age 3 didn't bother me so much. By age 5 the month before he began school, I was in a position to work full time in my husband's business and it has provided me the working woman classroom mom flexibility that I really craved and agonized about for months!

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Pammy on 12th January 2008
Yes and No, for me. Yes: I'm showing my older daughters that there are many options in life, and that women can be the breadwinners and can be financially savvy, and that they don't have to be entirely dependent on their husbands for their livelihoods. No: I hate paying for day care, even though my youngest kids are thriving there. Every time they cry or reach for me during drop off, I die inside, a little bit. But I'm the breadwinner... if I didn't work, we wouldn't be able to pay our mortgage, and having a roof over our heads IS kinda nice, you know?

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Lylah M. Alphonse on 11th January 2008
Hhmmm. This has been on my mind lately. I've contemplated stopping work and staying home with my son. My hubby has counseled me to not do that, because "the grass is always greener on the other side," and that , I am serving a good example to my son by being a professional woman. It is so incredibly hard though ... but my little guy doesn't seemed to have suffered. (In his world, he still gets his breastmilk and hugs/kisses ... but by more people than just me and Hubby ... his daycare provider now, too!

Flag as inappropriate Posted by KC on 11th January 2008
Nope. Quite the opposite. I think my working full time means I can't spend enough time with either of them.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Kat on 10th January 2008
Absolutely! My step-daughter doesn't really have any parents (bio or step) that actually work full-time regularly. My DH is on worker's compensation so he doesn't have a choice about working. Her BioMom is a SAHM. And her mom's boyfriend works occasionally, but doesn't have a full-time permanent job. I think if it weren't for me showing her that I do have to go to work, she'd think everyone just stays home whenever they want.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Jenni on 10th January 2008
My son learns a lot in daycare and I think it will greatly benefit him when he hits "real" school. I also think it benefits him, in that he has learned to trust caregivers other than myself and my husband, and that's good. He's very outgoing at age 3. :)

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Lee on 10th January 2008
Most definitely. For all the reasons already stated by the other ladies...

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Uhura on 10th January 2008
I've always thought so. I've been a working mom for over 20 years, and I really believe it's had a positive impact on my son, especially now that he's starting his own career (subject of my very first Work It, Mom article last summer). I think it's been a good example, and helped me to be a better parent, too.

My stepkids' mom was a SAHM until after she and their father got divorced, and now they have both a stepmom AND a mom who work outside the home. I'm watching to see how it influences them, particularly my 13-year-old stepdaughter.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Florinda on 10th January 2008
Yes! I have two daughters and a son and they see that my job is a separate part of my life that is part of who I am. They also learn more about different kinds of jobs by seeing what my husband and I both do. My mother went back to work when I was 10. She was a secretary. While she instilled in me the desire to get an education, get a job I enjoyed, and be able to support myself, she couldn't teach me about jobs other than the job of a secretary. My dad was an engineer, but he never really explained to me what he did. I like that my girls see the different jobs I have held in addition to running my own business and they learn about my friends' jobs and their friends' moms' jobs.

Amy
Working Mom to 3
www.sofiabean.com

Flag as inappropriate Posted by AmyE on 10th January 2008
I think that my job will positively impact Nick when he gets old enough to understand what mom does. I help other boys to grow up and be better young men and in doing that I can teach him how to help others in need.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Jacqueline on 10th January 2008