Member Questions

Thanks ladies.. here is more info.. mom has only like 2 friends who she doesnt really bother with anymore.. her life i am serious i my kids and me.. I am slowly trying to wean her and KNOW i have to for my own sanity.. she also loves drama so any sort of tension or problem between hubby and I she loves although she doesnt say it, i know it! I have a brother in ORegon who she has never gone yet to visit and he has 4 kids of his own now! My sister lives with her but is single so she LOVES when mom comes to me!!! I love the saying about being a doormat... i guess I have to stand up on my two feet and be stern..

hardest part is in the summertime.. we live in a community where we have a pool walking distance.. literally mom was here EVERY SINGLE weekend!! We wanted to go down the shore and didnt because when I told her she was upset with me that we had told her not to come up and she said she had no plans because she comes here.. i did say last weekend, "You dont HAVE to come up here, as hubby is home" she got mad that i was being rude.. i simply told her when she replied if the kids were sick she wasnt coming.. i dont want to lie as hubby said to do just say we are sick! She should just not come up and I shouldnt feel obligated to babysit her! I just feel guilty somehow, like I feel like I am using her when I NEED her to watch the kids but when I dont, i dont want her around.. its just , I need SPACE. plus hubby is not fond of her and she is a little mopey, depressed at times and not sociable and kind of shall I say, uncomfortable feeling around her at times.. like New Years one year she was here and we had champagne withher and then took strawberries and our 200 bottle of champagne upstairs she recently commented that she had sparkling wine and we had champagne.. i corrected her but she just sat up said happy new year and lied down on the couch... no joy, no warmth.. just strange!

Sorry, I should probably blog all this but i am new here and dont know how to start much else! I really want to write a book on my life!!

thanks and hope you understand the bigger picture here! This is a great site!! glad i found it!! : )

Take the kids to HER for once and you and your husband go off for the weekend. Besides, it's LONG past time for you to cut the cord, imho.

There's an old saying that goes, "You can only be a doormat if you allow yourself to be one."

Do you have any sisters or brothers she can visit while you are away? Does she have any friends to go away with like to vegas are alantic city for the weekend?
I know it does not solve your BIG picture issue but maybe she will get a taste of something else and enjoy it.

THanks. Mom has no hobbies outside of my kids and I ... sad but true! I am going to have to be strong and try to say dont come up this weekend... wait til next. we are going out! hard but will have to do it!

Ok... here goes: you just have to do it. I had a similar problem with my mom. She babysat for me while I worked and she was very much attached to my kids (Kids loved her as well) but at some point you have to be the mom. reclaim yourself as that, the MOM and not just her daughter. If you can't have a simple conversation with he,r begin by setting boundaries. for example, talk to her about coming over every other weekend. Don't give her alot of imformation for your choice because I suspect that your mom will just find a way to get her self involved in your alternative plans. Her feelings will get hurt but thats ok. She owns those feelings not you. Another suggestion would be to help her get involved in her own activities with friends and other family. Does she have friends or family other than you that she can visit or do fun things with? If she doesn't help her find this. If she refuses, again this is up to her to have a life outside of you and your family. I hope this helps.