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This is my first week back at work. I work 12 hour shifts at a hospital and I had to leave my 4 month old son and I felt like I was letting him down?? It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do leaving him... Will it get easier?

Asked by rtrcp29 , 22nd Feb Answer this now »
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Karen  28th Feb
As you can see, we have all been there. This is all new to you, being a mom, returning to work as a mom, and being away from her. Your reaction is quite normal indeed. It will get easier as it becomes more a part of your routine and you and your baby will settle into it.
Try to focus on what working those shifts will provide for your family now and in the long run rather than what you feel (keyword here is feel because you are giving your baby the best of you always---believe that) you are not providing for her. What are the benefits of working the shifts? What benefits can you gain socially and emotionally being amongst your peers? What benefits can your daughter get from being in a daycare with other children? You know the answers better than anyone else. Try to come up with things that remind you that you are doing what you need to do to take care of your baby in a very caring way by providing for her, write them down, and keep these reminders with you. When you feel down pull them out and remind yourself why working the 12 hour shifts are beneficial. You are in a profession that shows you are a compassionate and caring individual who cares deeply about others. You are working these hours to take care of others and her as well. Please remember to take care of yourself in the process. And one last thing to remember, the quality of the time with your daughter is what really counts.
Amber  28th Feb
Everyone has said something true here: it will get easier, you are doing a noble thing by working to support your child and your family (and society), you will enjoy the time you do have together even more, be kind to yourself, etc.
I returned to work with a 3-month old and I will not lie, it was the hardest thing I've ever experienced. Yes, you'll cry. Yes you'll worry how he is, how they're taking care of him, what kind of effect will this have on him. You'll feel guility and horrible. You'll think about him non stop while you're working. But day by day, it eases up. It really really helps to get to know your child care providers. Be friendly with them, the more you get to know them, th emore comfortable you'll feel leaving your child there. If possible, visit your child during the day (I do b/c I have on-site daycare). If you can, Keep breastfeeding and pump at work--this keeps you two connected and that keeps YOU going at work. This is a personal choice, but I also find it comforting to pray. I'm not an overly religious person, but since I've started using daycare, I find relying spiritually on God/Higher Power really helps. (esp. if your husband/partner may not always understand how you're feeling!)
It's still hard dropping her off, but I just try and think positively and shower her with love as much as possible. I go to my job now and just do the best I can. In the end your child will know you love him, and that's all that matters. Good luck, and hang in there!
As you can see, many of us who have BTDT definitively agree: it WILL get easier. And bless you for working 12-hr shifts at your hospital. Let's not forget you are doing your community a service, too. - Paula. :-)
oh! and yes to answer your question it will definitely get easier
i don't know any mother who hasn't had these thoughts! you're 12 hour shifts are also nice because you probably have more consecutive days off. i think that can give you more opportunities to spend quality time with your son.
Yes, it'll get easier. I can remember the 1st time we left our then 3 month old with a babysitter so I could take my hubby out to dinner for his birthday. I must have called back to the house at least 5 times, probably scaring the poor kid off cause she never sat for us again. LOL When I found a daycare situation at her age of 5 months and started actively looking for a job, I couldn't believe the antsiness I felt. But it gets easier as time goes on. It's just that initial separation anxiety. Besides, look at it this way - there's going to be times you can't wait to get out the door cause the crying, etc is driving you nuts and as weird as it sounds, being at the hospital is your link to sanity.
It WILL get easier. I had a really hard time when I had to go back to work (my daughter Mollie was 3 months). Now I'll be facing it again (I have a one month old). I don't look forward to it but I take some comfort knowing that Mollie is a well adjusted, happy child. We have a really strong bond even though I work full time. We carve out as much time as possible to do special things together.

It will take a while to adjust so just try your best to enjoy your time with your baby. And reaching out and talking to other working moms can be really helpful!

I'll probably be asking the same question again in a few months...
rtrcp29, you are absolutely NOT letting your child down! You are doing what you need to do to provide him with the best life you possibly can. Going back to work can be very difficult -- it takes time, but it will get easier. Be kind to yourself as you adjust, and make the most of the time you do get to spend with him...
It will get easier! It will never be EASY, but it will get easier. Just know that you are not going back to work for selfish reasons. You are going back to work to make his life better and by doing it, you are showing him what a good role model is. Your time with him will be that much more precious and please, dont be hard on yourself. hang in there
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