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What did your parents do to help you build your self confidence?

Asked by Rae, 16th Apr Answer this now »
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I believe my parents just acted normal: encouraged me to speak up for myself, have an opinion, be truthful, never be mean, care about other people, help whenever I can, make a difference between good and bad and take responsibility for my actions. They also always gave me a pat on the back when I did well and talked to me when I did not do well.
In the end, this leads to mind clarity, understanding of things, good relationships, desire to discover the world and ... self respect. And we all know that when one respects himself/herself, other people do so too.
On the opposite side, opinionless kids, with no ideas to stand for, no voice to speak up -- you know the type: the ones taught be their incredibly smart parents to be politically correct, be careful not to offend anybody type, be perfect, do not do mistakes, do not embarrass me for God's sake! etc. etc.-- with no responsibilities, cannot ever became self confident ...
Now there are situations and kids who need more support than other to grow self-confident, and that's where the parents, the teachers, the rest of the people they come in contact with can come in and help.
I believe my parents just acted normal: encouraged me to speak up for myself, have an opinion, be truthful, never be mean, care about other people, help whenever I can, make a difference between good and bad and take responsibility for my actions. They also always gave me a pat on the back when I did well and talked to me when I did not do well.
In the end, this leads to mind clarity, understanding of things, good relationships, desire to discover the world and ... self respect. And we all know that when one respects himself/herself, other people do so too.
On the opposite side, opinionless kids, with no ideas to stand for, no voice to speak up -- you know the type: the ones taught be their incredibly smart parents to be politically correct, be careful not to offend anybody type, be perfect, do not do mistakes, do not embarrass me for God's sake! etc. etc.-- with no responsibilities, cannot ever became self confident ...
Now there are situations and kids who need more support than other to grow self-confident, and that's where the parents, the teachers, the rest of the people they come in contact with can come in and help.
I believe my parents just acted normal: encouraged me to speak up for myself, have an opinion, be truthful, never be mean, care about other people, help whenever I can, make a difference between good and bad and take responsibility for my actions. They also always gave me a pat on the back when I did well and talked to me when I did not do well.
In the end, this leads to mind clarity, understanding of things, good relationships, desire to discover the world and ... self respect. And we all know that when one respects himself/herself, other people do so too.
On the opposite side, opinionless kids, with no ideas to stand for, no voice to speak up -- you know the type: the ones taught be their incredibly smart parents to be politically correct, be careful not to offend anybody type, be perfect, do not do mistakes, do not embarrass me for God's sake! etc. etc.-- with no responsibilities, cannot ever became self confident ...
Now there are situations and kids who need more support than other to grow self-confident, and that's where the parents, the teachers, the rest of the people they come in contact with can come in and help.
I believe my parents just acted normal: encouraged me to speak up for myself, have an opinion, be truthful, never be mean, care about other people, help whenever I can, make a difference between good and bad and take responsibility for my actions. They also always gave me a pat on the back when I did well and talked to me when I did not do well.
In the end, this leads to mind clarity, understanding of things, good relationships, desire to discover the world and ... self respect. And we all know that when one respects himself/herself, other people do so too.
On the opposite side, opinionless kids, with no ideas to stand for, no voice to speak up -- you know the type: the ones taught be their incredibly smart parents to be politically correct, be careful not to offend anybody type, be perfect, do not do mistakes, do not embarrass me for God's sake! etc. etc.-- with no responsibilities, cannot ever became self confident ...
Now there are situations and kids who need more support than other to grow self-confident, and that's where the parents, the teachers, the rest of the people they come in contact with can come in and help.
I believe my parents just acted normal: encouraged me to speak up for myself, have an opinion, be truthful, never be mean, care about other people, help whenever I can, make a difference between good and bad and take responsibility for my actions. They also always gave me a pat on the back when I did well and talked to me when I did not do well.
In the end, this leads to mind clarity, understanding of things, good relationships, desire to discover the world and ... self respect. And we all know that when one respects himself/herself, other people do so too.
On the opposite side, opinionless kids, with no ideas to stand for, no voice to speak up -- you know the type: the ones taught be their incredibly smart parents to be politically correct, be careful not to offend anybody type, be perfect, do not do mistakes, do not embarrass me for God's sake! etc. etc.-- with no responsibilities, cannot ever became self confident ...
Now there are situations and kids who need more support than other to grow self-confident, and that's where the parents, the teachers, the rest of the people they come in contact with can come in and help.
Susan  25th Apr
I wanted to apply for something rather badly, but didn't have the guts. My mom told me: You never know what will happen, if you dont try. I did try and I made it. Furthermore, that effort led me to some great opportunities. Admittingly I'm a slow learner sometimes, and still catch myself saying "I can't". I always remind myself of my mom's comment and just go for it as best I can. i think this is the best way to teach my daughter confidence.

Also, I i often catch myself wanting to tell my daughter she can't do something (truthfully because it would be inconvenient for me more than anything). When I realize I'm doing this I try to put a stop to it. It's not up to me to tell her she can't try for something. Who knows what she'll accomplish?

If she really has an idea that I know won't float, instead of telling her she can't do it, I let her work on the details one by one. when she gets stuck, we discuss the options, if any, and go from there. My daughter is only 8 and she has already had some really cool accomplishments. Not because she's special, but because she was willing to go for it.
I have to agree with Nataly. This is a great question. I am bi-racial (caucasian & black). My mother was a single mother in the 60s. If that wasn't hard enough she went against the grain of her Pennsylvanian, conservative Methodist roots to marry a black man against her parents wishes. To say the least she was ostrasized and alienated from her support base. So in addition to being a pioneer with alot of hutzspa, she had to raise two girls to be as strong as she was in the face of major racial divide and disapproval.
We were different and would face a multitude of different experiences (not just those suffered by traditional discrimination) so we needed a firm base of self-confidence if we were to have a fighting chance against some pretty tough odds.

My mother did that single handedly by continuously telling me and my sister that no matter what anyone said about us "we had the best of both worlds." Yes, it was tough growing up in mostly caucasian neighborhoods, but with these words spoken by my mother on a constant basis I was able to transcend the discrimination, and name calling to know at least that I was special. She also told us that we were special and that one day the rest of the world would catch on. I see that now that Obama is running for President and has a real chance of winning.

She was right and chlidren need to be told over and over again that they are good, special and worthy of love and respect. It works!
What an excellent question.

I would have to say my father was a key player in my childhood confidence as well as an adult. He is my greatest fan. He always gave me encouragement when some of the chips were down. He made and made me feel like I could do anything. He still does. He's my greatest cheerleader.

As for my mother and father, the one most important thing was they both gave me was "TRUST". They had a tremendous amount of trust in me.
A little example of confidence my dad gave me.

I was in 3rd grade and in private school. My teacher called my parents in for a parent teacher meeting.
My grades were not great a few B's but more C's. My dad met with the teacher. He came home and said
"they want to leave you back" I cried and cried. My dad said "What do you want to do?" I begged and promised to do better. The reason as per the teacher "She's a day dreamer and lacks focus" She told my father "she'll never learn math and never had neat hand writing". My father later said to me "we are not going to leave you back because I know how smart you are and your teacher still needs to find out that out". He hired a home tutor and I plugged away. He gave me the confidence I needed to succeed.

I think the amount of love I received as a child was tremendous and I think helps a child with confidence too. I had tons of support too.

I think this is a great question, I think about it a lot as it relates to my 3.5 yr old daughter. I grew up as a fairly confident person and I owe a lot of it to my parents. They always encouraged me to try new things, to work hard to achieve whatever my goal was -- I say to people that I always felt that there was this soft support behind me, that if whatever I was doing didn't work out, I knew I could fall back and they'd be there.

But it's not all straight forward -- I always drove myself hard and my parents had high expectations for me, which was sometimes stressful. So I try to find a balance with my daughter in terms of encouraging her to try new things, to tell her not to worry about not being great at something, but at the same time, to not put pressure -- that is, for me, the toughest part.
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