Member Questions

Ahhhh yes, to be a student again. I remember that feeling of having your diploma with the ink still fresh in you hand and being ready to take on the world. Good times.

Kat, JDaffron, Michelle,
First let me say that each and every response has given me wonderful insight to the issue. JDafrron- thanks for re-reading my post...and yes, it's very possible that I am being hormonal- it's something I've learned to take into account when I am acting paranoid, and I am clearly feeling insecure about this issue- it's the reason I am reaching out to others who might view the situation with a more clear head than I am able at the moment. LOL!! I really appreciate your insight about the real world vs the ideal world students tend to live in..actually, I can remember seeing the world in a similar way when I was a student! It helps to see it from that perspective. And BTW- you crack me up with giving your mother credit and cringing (I do the same thing!!)
Michelle- Yes! Now that I think about it... I am pretty sure than none of the teachers are actual parents. I'd be shocked if they were since they are all so dedicated to this program at an abundance of hours, they wouldn't have the time to give to their own families in the way they'd expect us to. Actually, I happen to be very good friends with one of the professors in the program through a gymboree class we met (her twins are my sons age) and she has cut way back on her lectures since becoming a mother. She's also comfided in me that since becoming an actual parent herself, its as if nothing she has raught for years applies to anything in real life that she's experienced...I only realized that now since reading your post. Thanks for that! :)
Kat, hearing your perspective from both ends was really eye-opening! I am a very passionate mother and I have my strengths and weakenesses just like everyone else in the world. One of my greatest characteristics (if you don't mine me tooting my own horn) is my own ability to recognize where I fall a little short, and here it is - I've ALWAYS been a senstive person who tends to take things personally where I shouldn't, and very often I'll let others dictate what is right and wrong long before I look into my own heart and think, "wait a second...I am not sure I am being treated fairly here..."
The reason I just gave you this description is because I hate that I am being lumped in with these other parents that don't contribute or don't care. I have a lot of empathy for teachers, the thankless job that they do, and the messed up systems that they all have to be a part of. I guess, I resent that I am being punished by them for how other parents might treat them, or not appreciate them. I feel like I am being prejudged for being... I don't know... IMPERFECT?? I DID hold these teachers in VERY high regard, and as a new mother, I always worry that my instincts are off.I am constantly looking to learn from others who may know something that I don't. I actually thought - maybe they DO know better, and they'll shed light for me as well as teaching HIM. I'd hoped to learn from their perspecitive as well. I'd hoped for them to include me more- or shed light on the areas I'd been struggling in (my son is a terrible 2 and can be quite a handful at times- perhaps they see this and wonder what I am doing at home to cause this?) I guess that is why I am reaching out to you ladies. I am trying to figure out if this is just a way that teachers ACT in general. or if I am missing something here? Is it possible I am doing something wrong that makes their job more difficult?
You ladies have all been wonderful at helping me to see their perspective.. Thank you!

Ally, I'm going to respond in two different perspectives, that of a teacher and that of a parent.

As a parent, I know that I'm the expert on my child. I can tell you what Noah likes, why he is melting down, what a gesture means. I've spent the past 14 months learning him (and he spent that time learning me!).

As a teacher, I am a professional. I have spent 10 years in the classroom, I have gone to one the highest ranked graduate school in education and I am National Board Certified, which is the most rigorous certification possible in education. I'm an expert in education. So often, when a parent meets with me, they assume that because they know their kid, they know what is best in terms of education for their child, which may be true but also may not be. People talk down to me as a teacher all the time.

I've been working this year on presuming positive intentions both as a teacher and a parent. Those positive presuppositions have been helping me on both ends. Now, of course, people don't operate the same way. When I run into teachers or occupational therapists of my own kidlets, or when I deal with doctors and nurses who treat my daughter and treat me like I'm a moron, I still get angry. But I remember that they are working from a set of experiences that have nothing to do with me. It doesn't take the sting out of people assuming I'm an idiot, but it also helps me keep my patience.

I'm sorry that you feel like they are talking down to you. I hope that with repeated experiences with you they will learn that you are a kind, engaged, informed parent who wants to work with them and not against them.

I hate to say this but it doesn't get better as they get into grade school and on. I think the first thing we had to realize is that many teachers, especially in nursery and the younger grades, don't have children. Many may not even have gotten married. Many may only have been working a year or two. They just haven't had the experiences to understand and think they are the experts and there is only one way of doing things. Remember when we got out of college?

Secondly, even with experienced teachers, they are frustrated with parents that don't get involved. Or, have the perception that we as parents aren't involved. As working moms and dads, we don't have the luxury of taking time off for class assistance or field trips. We save those days for vacation, sick days, and school holidays. Teachers don't see how we read to our children, take them to museums and activities on the weekends, and encourage not only the academics, but a well rounded child.

One teacher we had for my daughter was particularly difficult. She called my husband one day and spoke to him like he was 7 and practically accused us of neglect because our daughter didn't have a snack at snack time. (It turned out that she was eating it on the bus in the morning.) He calmly explained that he was very supported of the school and committed to our daughter's education but that the way she spoke to him felt confrontational and accusatory and didn't contribute to us working together to rectify issues as they arose. After that, things got better. I won't say they were perfect, but it did become easier.

Interesting opinion. And yes, i did think of that, but I think you are sort of generalizing how things are based on where I live- and the snobiness of the school? Possibly... but it's not an expensive school, and the waitlist? Well, that is just because there is a shortage. We were on 6 waitlists, and this was actually only the 2nd one that we got into....I think the snobiness comes from the fact that his teachers are students in the program- and they are mostly getting paid in school credit. Most preschool programs that take place in a college Childhood development program are outstanding because they are state funded and the passion is there. The first daycare that I sent my son to as an infant was literally the only one that had an opening within a 30 mile radius. I HATED that place. It was run out of a woman's home, one room, hardly any toys and she had absolutely no communication with me. if I so much as asked her what my son ate that day, she acted as if I was prying or breathing down her neck, as she snapped, "food. I fed him, whattya think?" She had a condenscending tone with me as well.
Now THIS preschool prgram is just the opposite. My son gets full attention, seems to have the freedom to do things at his own pace, he's flourished with his speach, his singing, his everything. They go on field trips to the library, the theatre, the baseball field, go swimming, build sandcastles... seriously, it's a dream program and I feel like we won the lottery that we were able to get in.
But just yesterday I was 3 minutes late in picking up my son (I work at the library across campus while he's in school and was a bit behind in my walk back to the CD building) and I was read the riot act. They acted as if I had destroyed my little boys confidence in me for his entire life because he was one of the last kids tio be picked up... oh... and by the way, " you might want to bring in some more diapers," was the cherry on the cake. It was the WAY she said it... the tone gave an indication like she can only do son much for the sweet boy while he's in her hands, but the poor kid is going to be messed up by the deadbeat mom as soon as he leaves. I actually left crying. Perhaps I am just hormonal???