I agree with most of the post here. Where is the time?? I have tons of "to do" stuff. Oh and being a mom, too.. it is a 24/7 job... Sometime I wish I could be the "bionic" woman!
Oh, just wanted to make a comment on the networking part of the question... For some reason, that comes very easily to me. My field is one that involves making connections with locals, but primarily I'm involved in the professional organizations that are made up of people from all over the country. I love what I get out of these relationships, which are made up of time together once or twice a year, sometimes just for a lunch, or at a meeting, or if we do a big project together, we'll email back and forth to get it together.
Not at all the same thing as daily contact, but I've found that these work/networking connections are very important to me.
What a good topic! In my adult life (after I finished graduate school), I've moved four times to brand-new cities. Before I had kids, I had an expectation that it would take me about two years to have made some friendships that felt "real" and "established." (By that I mean friendships that involved regular contact, there was an understood relationship, and we had enough in common that we were 'real' with each other.) Since having kids, this has really changed for me. We had our kids in a city that we'd lived in for just about two years, and we were the first to have kids in our developing social circle. That really cramped our style, and I think nipped what were some developing friendships in the bud, because the other person/people weren't at a place of adjusting their lifestyles (which I get, but was also a little hard). By the time we were set to move, last summer, I had had a year of really enjoying some close friendships with people who were comfortable in the 'just hanging out' way, and also in the 'structured activity/event' way. So leaving them was hard! We've been in our new community for a little less than a year, and are now preparing to move AGAIN (for DH work reasons, argh :)).
I'd like to think that I'm pretty good at the making friends thing, in general. But, at least for me, I've learned over the years and with our different moves that developing friendships is a process that requires me to have a loose hold on the outcome- some people will be fun to hang out with occasionally, some people are great one-on-one, but our families don't mesh, and the very few jewels will be friends who I will love deeply and will love me back the same way. And if those amazing people come with kids attached, then that's a super-duper bonus (that hasn't happened in the same city where I'm living yet).
Like many of you have said, the fact that I maintain my long-distance and older friendships encourages me to keep trudging ahead...
I've found this to be an exhausting, daunting up hill battle with negative returns! I've lived in my neighborhood for almost 6 years now and although I know several of our neighbors no one has come out of their shell to establish a lasting friendship with us. We are friends with neighbors across the street, and we even went to their church for awhile and went to their house for different events, but lately we've haven't gotten together as much. Our children love to play with each other, but we don't attend the same sports activities with our kids. So, we're on diff't schedules all the time.
We also tried the township "football and cheerleading" thing and didn't make any lasting friendships there either. Although I'm very friendly and social I'm beginning to think something's "in the water" in my neighborhood b/c everyone has their own clique's and we're one of a very few non-white family's in our predominately white neighborhood. I'm beginning to think maybe we "don't fit in" to the norm and therefore aren't asked into any social groups. Most of our friends here are spread out and African Americans whom we've met from our neighbors church. Other than that - we've got zilch friends here! And oh, our neighbors are AA also.
I have 3 close girlfriends who I've been very close to for over 25 yrs, and we talk on the phone very regularly, but don't see each other often b/c they all live out of state. So, this gives me confidence to know I am a very hospitable and likeable person who can carry a frienship - I just can't seem to figure out why I can't connect longterm with anyone here in my own neighborhood.
It's certainly is difficult to meet people in person but I try to use every opportunity to meet successful entrepreneurs to network and learn from them. The fact that I now work in the NYC and have a live in nanny makes it easier. I can always meet someone for lunch or after work. I certainly do find that men and women with older children or no children are more available then moms with young kids.
It's really hard to meet new people, just not enough time in the day. I actually tend to do my networking through friends or online, via social networking sites, like this one, facebook or linkedin! :)
I also enteract with new people via phone. Meeting in person is rather hard to do. I honestly don't even have time to see my old friends!
Yeah, it is so hard to find the time to meet likeminded people. I have made lots of friends since my daughter was born, just by going out all the time and chatting to every mom I met. Persistence pays off. :) But like many people, we're not from this town and that makes it tough. Plus I always seem to have friends leaving town. :( One thing I can't seem to do is what you describe, FrenchMama: friends who hang out as families all the time. I have mom friends, but not where they would all come over and hang out with all of us. Nice relaxed get-togethers. Hmm.
i am in the same boat... i have work friends who i see at work and who i rarely socialize with outside of the office. And, of course, dear friends from ages ago that are scattered aroudn the country! We have one other couple friend that we get along with but they dont have kids, which is fine, but it also would like that neighborhood bbq with kids and parents all getting along!
There are several families in our neighborhood but either their kids are older or the mom stays home. i think when both parents work full time it just becomes that much more difficult. Plus i work so far away from home that it just isnt realistic to socialize with those friends. sometimes i also feel kind of sad and pathetic but i realize i also cherish the time i have alone with my little family :) we arent in the shuffling-to-and-from-various-activity stage yet so i am just trying to enjoy the 'down time' haha!
I do not make new friends very often. Most of my friends are people I have known for ages - through high school or college - and they don't live near by. When I do meet new friends, it seems to be through work. I'd love to have the "neighborhood" connection that FrenchMama describes, but it hasn't happened. I've always heard that you'd make lots of neighborhood friends through your kids when they started school...but I've actually found that to be a challenge, too. Most of the moms in this neighborhood don't work and seem to already have a pretty tight "group" that gets together during the days.
The friends whom we get along with the best live about 20 mins away, and that seems like an ocean away. Esp since they have 4 boys and the mom is a dynamo of activity in her community. The last time we got together, it took us three times to do it (they had to cancel on us twice). But we finally did it! Another thing that was good about that was that it made me work even harder to get that very precious resource: a decent babysitter. But she did a good job, and she likes our son (who's a well-behaved child), so we're psyched that we can count on her again. But it's been hard, very hard, to maintain friendships, when we both work FT and both my son & I do martial arts. I've found "sort-of" friendships via our martial arts school, so I'm hoping I can take that to the next level and actually socialize with these people outside the school. - Paula.
10 replies so far...
Flag as inappropriate Posted by christine on 2nd June 2008
Not at all the same thing as daily contact, but I've found that these work/networking connections are very important to me.
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Traci on 30th May 2008
I'd like to think that I'm pretty good at the making friends thing, in general. But, at least for me, I've learned over the years and with our different moves that developing friendships is a process that requires me to have a loose hold on the outcome- some people will be fun to hang out with occasionally, some people are great one-on-one, but our families don't mesh, and the very few jewels will be friends who I will love deeply and will love me back the same way. And if those amazing people come with kids attached, then that's a super-duper bonus (that hasn't happened in the same city where I'm living yet).
Like many of you have said, the fact that I maintain my long-distance and older friendships encourages me to keep trudging ahead...
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Traci on 30th May 2008
We also tried the township "football and cheerleading" thing and didn't make any lasting friendships there either. Although I'm very friendly and social I'm beginning to think something's "in the water" in my neighborhood b/c everyone has their own clique's and we're one of a very few non-white family's in our predominately white neighborhood. I'm beginning to think maybe we "don't fit in" to the norm and therefore aren't asked into any social groups. Most of our friends here are spread out and African Americans whom we've met from our neighbors church. Other than that - we've got zilch friends here! And oh, our neighbors are AA also.
I have 3 close girlfriends who I've been very close to for over 25 yrs, and we talk on the phone very regularly, but don't see each other often b/c they all live out of state. So, this gives me confidence to know I am a very hospitable and likeable person who can carry a frienship - I just can't seem to figure out why I can't connect longterm with anyone here in my own neighborhood.
Go figure...
Flag as inappropriate Posted by caramelsugarberry38 on 30th May 2008
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Vera Babayeva on 30th May 2008
I also enteract with new people via phone. Meeting in person is rather hard to do. I honestly don't even have time to see my old friends!
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Victoria on 29th May 2008
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Diane on 29th May 2008
There are several families in our neighborhood but either their kids are older or the mom stays home. i think when both parents work full time it just becomes that much more difficult. Plus i work so far away from home that it just isnt realistic to socialize with those friends. sometimes i also feel kind of sad and pathetic but i realize i also cherish the time i have alone with my little family :) we arent in the shuffling-to-and-from-various-activity stage yet so i am just trying to enjoy the 'down time' haha!
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Kate on 28th May 2008
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Jen S on 28th May 2008
Flag as inappropriate Posted by tkd_mama on 28th May 2008