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We often talk about the guilt we feel when we dont' spend enough time with our kids. Does anyone feel guilt when you don't spend time with your husband? Some good things happened for me recently and when I boast about it to my hubby, he said what does that mean for me? You will be less available?

Asked by Vera Babayeva, 26th Jun Answer this now »
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Thanks for your answers. You all bring a great point that putting husband before the kids is important. I mean after the kids are out of the house, it's just you and the hubby again.

Nataly, I think we all tend to take our partners for granted from time to time whether we have careers or not. Your friend is getting a divorce because she couldn't handle all three or because her husband couldn't handle her success? I think there are a lot of men out there that are still having difficulties accepting the fact that women can be successful. My sister is a mother of three, married has a very demanding job, she is a head nurse at Lenox Hill Hospital and she is also a part time student getting her BS/MS in nursing. She makes more money then her husband and he is not bothered. He is happy. He has a 9-5 job and takes care of the kids in the morning and in the evening. He cooks, does laundry. He is never threatened by her success and people do ask how he feels about his wife's job, salary, being back in school. I think men have some learning to do and then more women will be able to have all three.

I often talk to my husband about my aspirations. I also tell him how I feel about him. I ask for his support and help. He understands but sometimes will complain. I think talking about your fears and hopes helps.
I think this is a great point and too rarely discussed. I admit often that in the equation of job, kid, husband I take my husband for granted more often the other two. It's bad. I feel horrible about it often. I have a friend who is getting divorced. She told me that she could not handle three things -- kids, career, and marriage -- and that she knows she sacrificed her marriage as she became successful in her career and was a mom. This totally freaks me out...
I definitely feel guilty about not spending time with my husband, but at the same time, when I have time to be with him, he´s not here! Kid-free time alone is non-existent since he leaves most days at 4 or 5 pm and comes back at 3-6 am and then sleeps until 9. We do try to get out once a month with each other.
Before I found out I was pregnant, my husband and I made a pact that even after we had children, at least once a week we were going to go out and have some "us" time. We have done it every since we've been married. Even if we just sit in the living room on the floor eating pizza and watching movies, it's still time together, and we always have a blast. I was always taught that marriage comes first, though so many moms think the kids should come first. No ... the kids knowing that mom and dad are happy together and always find a way to spend time with one another teaches them what a marriage is supposed to be like. Not only that, it's a comfort to them to be in a household where they have two parents who love each other as much as they love their children.
Diane  27th Jun
I think we both feel very aware that we have less quality time together than pre-child, but it's okay. I think it's a stage of life you go through and it's worth it. My husband is really understanding on this issue, actually. I guess I'm lucky?
A really smart family member once told me (when I first became a parent) that no matter what, I should put my relationship with my husband before my kids. Kids want to know that their parents are solid. It gives them comfort and empowers them to have good relationships. I'm glad that I got that early. We don't always hit the mark, but we certainly try, so there is no animosity.
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