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Groundrules for Dealing wth Other's Kids: I just had a really awful experience at a toddler birthday party. I had stationed myself next to the "bouncy house" to help my kid and others climb up the slick ramp into the darn thing. Basically a little boost and they were in and I could also detangle kids when one was coming up and one down etc. I figured I was being a good samaritan, minimizing injuries and allowing other parents to enjoy their time while I kept an eye on the kids. A one point a little guy I know very well asked me for a push. As I was helping him, his mom blindsided me (literally), thrust my arm out of the way and hissed into my ear "don't you touch him!" I was flabberghasted and tried to explain his request and that I was helping but she just stared at me like I was some child molester, snarled something awful and turned her back on me. Needless to say, the joy of the party was over for me. Clearly this mom overreacted for whatever reasons of her own. But what I want to ask is what are the groundrules for helping, protecting or even intervening with other's children? If another parent is closer to my kid when she falls off the jungle gym or asks for help with a shoe and they help, I'm grateful. I would be okay with another parent asking her to not push if she were too rambunctious at the playground and inadvertently (or not) was hurting another kid. But clearly my philosophy is not held by all. What are the groundrules - particularly when the other parent is not stepping in? Also, how do I deal with this one mom who is in all of my social circles and has demonstrated this temper before? ”

Asked by pajamamama on 6th November 2007

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Comments so Far...

That mom clearly needs to take a "chill pill" as my daughter says. It makes me wonder if the child is her only one. If so, that might explain some things. Some people are so high strung that no matter who's around, they're gonna go ballistic if they're not in control of their chilld. Me, I was handing mine off to any and every relative and friend that I knew, and grateful for the help. This one sounds like they wouldn't want the kid to go out side and play in a mud puddle either. Too afraid they'd get dirty or hurt. I personally feel sorry for the kid.

Flag as inappropriate by JDaffron on 2nd February 2008
My two cents: When you're a parent and you bring your child to a gathering of any kind involving other kids and their parents, I believe there is an unwritten social contract that exists. If you the parent are uncomfortable with this *acceptable* practice of parents doing these little gestures of help, then DON'T ATTEND. Sheesh, this woman would have a conniption if she had to live in those societies where childrearing is a shared responsibility among the whole community....

Flag as inappropriate by tkd_mama on 7th November 2007
Wow! I've never heard of that happening before. If she is in all your social circles, maybe it would be best to say something to her. Maybe she misunderstood the situation, and you explaining it to her could help. Or you might want to just let her know that you thought you were doing the right thing, but that you will respect her wishes in the future...it might help diffuse a really sticky situation. You definitely don't want her to go behind your back and start spreading rumors!

Just for the record, I would have done the same thing as you...I think she was very much out of line!

Flag as inappropriate by mamajama on 7th November 2007
Absolutely don't worry about this. She has issues and I would just avoid her like the plague. Weird.

Flag as inappropriate by Diane on 6th November 2007
You sound like a nice person doing a very nice thing. This mom was out of line, don't for a minute change the way you are acting. And I wouldn't count on her keeping a watchful eye on your children if the situation ever rose. Consider it a deed done for the little boy and ignore the parent. Sucks that she's in your social circles, but don't second guess yourself. I have a problem with others reprimanding my children and I don't reprimand other people's children, I take it to the mom, then if they don't deal with it I have to consider if this is someone I want my children having playdates with. But this is not your case, you were actually helping the child, good grief!

Flag as inappropriate by cindyloohoo on 6th November 2007
I think what you did was completely appropriate and what I would have done. I'd want another parent to protect my child from potentially getting hurt, if they are in the position to do it. But you know, until now, I've not thought about the fact that some parents might not like this...

Flag as inappropriate by Nataly on 6th November 2007