Member Questions

Ask a question

If you're married, has your husband ever considered being a stay-at-home dad?”

17 replies so far...

  • My husband has been a stay at home dad for 10 years. There have been a lot of ups and downs with this arrangement. The biggest plus is that he is a great dad and our 2 children, 10 and 12, are wonderful. But he (like many stay at home dad's) is NOT a stay at home mom. So, the household does not get attended to in a way I think is suitable, he doesn't volunteer at our kid's school, etc...The house stuff is bc he just doesn't see it the same way I do, the school stuff is bc he feels uncomfortable with the other moms. So I end up picking up a lot of slack which becomes an issue and I feel overwhelmed.

    Also, the burden of having all the financial responsibilty is very difficult for me. I think this arrangement can work--but you need to be very clear about if there are exepctation of him ever working outside the home--once out of the workforce for a long time it is hard to get back in (just like for a SAHM, but even worse).

    Also although society has come a long way, people are still very uncomfortable with this arrangement. Both friends and family. My SAHM friends criticize my husband for not working--but they don't work outside the home and have no issue with that. So there really is a double standard.

    The biggest positive is on the kids if your husband really loves staying with them--I think my son will be a better man for having his Dad with him all the time and seeing different ways to be a "man", and my daughter gets the benefit of seeing a loving, caretaking man as well as a female role model who has a high-powered job, is financially independent, takes care of the whole family financially and still loves and cares for her every day.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by cc21 on 20th February 2009

  • I don't think my husband would want to be a stay at home dad. Don't get me wrong, he's a GREAT father. He changed the very first diaper for our very first child, he cooks them dinner, gets their baths, etc. He has never minded anything about being a parent. He's a workaholic though:) He loves to work, he loves his job, and certain times of the year, his job requires 7 day work weeks. Last year, he ended up doing 7 days a week for about 7 months straight.
    I work outside the house 3 nights a week. After our last child was born, we pulled the 5 year old out of daycare, and I cut my hours back (I was working 6 nights a week). I wanted to decrease my hours anyway, because I never saw my kids. they were in school during the day, i was working at night. 30 minutes in the morning and weekends wasn't enough for me. He was practically raising them by his self even working the hours he was working. He picked Sammy up at daycare and was home in time for Elijah to get off the school bus, helped with homework, got them supper, their baths, play time with daddy, etc. got them to bed, and was in bed before I got home from work. Now, I am home most of the week, but he still gets off early on the days I work, and does all the parentling. He loves being a dad, but he also likes to work.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by sonyareads on 30th March 2008

  • My husband actually did this when the kids were little. I tell him now that I wish I made more money so that he could stay home now. He does SUCH a better job than me in organizing our home and our lives. It's actually kind of embarrassing to me, but it's the truth.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by SCANjolina on 20th November 2007

  • My husband is basically a stay at home dad. He recently quit his job as a teacher when I started earning enough money to cover basic living costs with my writing. He still works out as a musician, but that is mostly at night and on weekends.

    It´s working out pretty well for us, he looks after our two boys in the morning while I write, and then we both enjoy them during the afternoon and evenings when he isn´t working.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Genesis on 16th November 2007

  • My husband's talked about wanting to be an at-home dad. Since he only has his kids part-time, and their mother was an at-home mom when he was married to her, I think it comes from feeling that he just doesn't have enough time with them (and wanting to make up for some of the time he's missed). Both the kids are in school - his daughter will be in high school next year (!) - so there's not much real NEED for a full-time at-home parent, but I understand why he'd like it. Maybe one of those lottery tickets will come through for him some day...

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Florinda Pendley Vasquez on 15th November 2007

  • I have begged my boyfriend to do this for me! No such luck!

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by maryliz78 on 15th November 2007

  • Yes, he wants to be a writer and stay at home, but we need to find a way to suplement his income before that can happen.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by mommy2kiera on 15th November 2007

  • We've tried having him stay home several times, but have realized that he is in no way cut out to be a stay-at-home dad. He's much happier working and I have to agree that it's just not for him. He's a great dad, but not when he's got to be solely responsible for the kids all day every day.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Deb - Mom of 3 Girls on 15th November 2007

  • My husband would love to, but he also can't sit still (not that being home with the kids involves sitting still LOL). So, what he does is telecommutes part of the week. He works at the office 3 days a week, on Thursdays he telecommutes for 6 hours and has Fridays off and is a SAHD on Fridays. So far, it's working pretty well. Fridays I do my WAH stuff away from the house, so that the little guy doesn't come to mama for everything. But, I'm home in time to spend a bit of time with the little guy before DH & I have our weekly date-night. LOL.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Erika-Marie S. Geiss on 15th November 2007

  • I think there is something really speacial about spending some time with your kid at home, be it for mom or dad.... It's not easy but it's a nice idea. I don't know if either one of us could actually do it full time.... but it's not a bad thought to entertain...

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Victoria on 15th November 2007

  • My husband and I both work from home, so we trade off the stay-at-home duties. We both work very hard, but it is really nice to know one of us is always here. Our ultimate goal is to build my business to the point where he can leave his job, work with me, and have complete flexibility in our schedules. I have great respect for men who choose to stay home. It takes a very secure man to take on that role.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Non Toxic Mom on 15th November 2007

  • My husband would love to be a stay at home dad and my daughter would love it too! However, we really can use his income now. We are working towards him being at home more...selling his products online as well. (He has over 30 years knowledge of general cleaning and floor cleaning). I suggested that he write (with my help) resource booklets about how to clean green and with natural products. He always says it isn't difficult to clean anything if you know what to clean it with.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Teresa Morrow on 15th November 2007