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Does your spouse/partner travel? If so, how do you manage things? Does the travel take an emotional toll on you and how do you cope with that?”

Asked by Yes, Mommy has to work today on 21st April 2008 | 10 replies

10 replies so far...

My husband travels for around 150 days a year from the months of March to September. A short trip is 4 days, a long trip (and the most frequent type) is 7-10 days. September 25th, 2011 will be our one year anniversary. Our first baby is due in April.

I will say that it is getting easier coping with him being away, but the months where he is only home 3-6 days total are definitly rough. I really try to keep myself busy and think of short term goals that I can reach personally and take pride in. My husband and I went to a marriage councelor and she compared the emotional stress to that of a military wife, except different in that the separation and recconnecting anxiety happens much more frequently due to my husband coming and going. She suggested to keep thinking of the situation as temporary and reach out to friends and family, not my husband when I am stressed and feeling negative. The negativity only strains our marriage more and isn't productive in moving through the feelings. It ends up with my husband being defensive and feeling like he's failing at his role as a husband. My biggest suggestion is to strengthen the relationships with friends and family members. I'm still new in the town that I live but its really helped.

I have really tried to use this advice to modify how I handle my stressed and sometimes depressed feelings. I'm not perfect and do sometimes still lash out at my husband because I am so sad, and want a daily life with him. All I can say is its not very productive and am hoping within another year or two I will mature and get past this behavior.

Are there any other suggestions out there?

Flag as inappropriate Posted by beckaboo63 on 23rd August 2011
My husbands job requires him to gone from home at the most 1 month. I really try to keep myself and kids occupied, but really hard at times. I support what he loves to do best, but sometimes I get so lonely and it really is hard. On top of that, I have family and friends who constantly tell me he has to have another woman around, one even told my daughter her daddy has her another mommy elsewhere. It hard to deal with. Has anyone experienced this before? How do you deal with it?

Flag as inappropriate Posted by sunshine on 23rd June 2010
Right now my husband is on some foreign assignment that requires him to have a stay there for 8-10 months. I have a little kid of 3 plus. The good part is that I am getting more time for myself and the bad part is that I have to look after each and everything in the house. But there s always a feeling of missing out something in one's life and the happiness index has certainly gone down!!

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Shally on 23rd March 2010
My husband just got a new job that seems to include lots of travel, hopefully not for long. I don't mind it too much yet, for two reasons 1) his old job required a lot of hours, until 8 or 8:30 every night anyway. 2) As noted by others above, I too have become far more self reliant. OK 3 reasons 3) so far, my husband has shown he misses us significantly. I think it has been harder on him than us.

My kids are 8, 5, 2. It was far harder when they were younger to have my husband come home so late. now, even with a two year old and three kids to get to bed, I don't mind when husband is gone so much. When he got home late instead, it would be like this. Make dinner for all, clean up, get the kids stuff ready for school, get baths, get changed, get teeth brushed, etc., clean up that mess, tuck kids in ten times, make a list of things I want to accomplish now that my chores are done--Oh, wait, hubbys home. Spend time with him instead, take care of my stuff tomorrow. Now at least when he travels, I know when my chores are done and kids are in bed, it is me time.

I think if he traveled a lot it would be far more upsetting. Hopefully that doesnt happen. FYI: my sister's husband is a merchant marine (works on large boats). They often have schedules such as 60 days on a boat, 30 days off. She has become so sufficient at almost everything, it's quite impressive.
Wow

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Susan on 26th April 2008
How funny I saw this! My husband travels a lot for work, thankfully a bit less than he did when my son was a baby (used to be gone 2 weeks out of the month)...since we're in a totally different region of the country than our family I have had to become pretty self-reliant and flexible about everything, especially since I now work full time as well. It's rough, but I make sure and do fun things with Xander to divert his (and my) attention to his dad being gone. We also rely on friends for company, and each other...it makes for lots of excitement when the homecoming occurs...always a special occasion!

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Chrissy Johnson on 26th April 2008
When we first got married my husband traveled for work. He would travel for 1-3 weeks at a time. In the summer of 2005 he had to go to Texas for an entire month while I was pregnant with our 4th child and very sick. It was one of the toughest times in our marriage. He really stopped traveling after that, and was able to work from home. That was a blessing, but now his contract has changed again and he's traveling 2 states away for work everyday. He works 12-13 hrs/day for 9 days and gets 1 Friday off every other week. We just started this routine. I am up with the kids in morning, stay with the little ones during the day, keep them occupied, do all the errands, cleaning, shopping, cooking, laundry, and homework for now. He helps clean the kitchen at night with the older ones.

It's hard sometimes and I feel like alot is on my shoulders (like being a single mother again). I don't know when this contract will end, but I try to be a loving, helpful wife b/c that's what I signed up for, right? lol! I have to admit though, I do worry about the distance and amount of hours he's away from home, but I keep my mind occupied and talk to him several times throughout the day. What else can you do?

Flag as inappropriate Posted by caramelsugarberry38 on 23rd April 2008
My husband travels for work a few times a year. I usually have my mother or sisters sleep over while he is away. Just having someone around helps a lot. Of course we miss him, but he calls or texts me several times a day, even if he is in Asia. He never stays longer than he has to.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by LEMARAIS on 23rd April 2008
Lately, I've been the one traveling more often. Either way it's a strain, but we both try to limit the nights away as much as possible. I'd rather pull a 14 hour travel day and be there overnight in case something goes wrong with the baby (sick, teething, etc). The hardest part is the mornings, since we usually tag-team in the morning to get ready and out the door in time.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by BrendaG on 22nd April 2008
My husband is a musician and when the band goes on tour for several days or a week, it´s really hard. When he´s here, he looks after the boys and cleans and does most of the shopping. It´s great. But it makes it pretty rough when he´s away. I struggle to get everything done in the house, watch the kids and still meet deadlines! They usually go to bed early on those days. :)

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Genesis on 22nd April 2008
DH does travel some He is gone 12-13 hours a day then comes home and eats he does this 10 days straight then he gets on a good 'off' 4 days off but usually its one if we are lucky two. He rotates shifts from Days shift, Swings the Next, then Grave yards the next. I Do realize that it is not the same as a traveling husband that is gone for days at a time. However some shifts do feel that way and do take an emotional toll on me. It is really rough being the only parent here for these long periods at a time. I cope with it by chatting with my mom or sending them to bed early so I can have some time to relax.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Tamara Wilson on 22nd April 2008