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What would you do if you have a very difficult boss, would you play nice so as not to create conflict even though you disagree on almost everything or do you speak out and risk being stressed on on the job and worse losing your job?”

Asked by Mia on 29th April 2008 | 12 replies

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12 replies so far...

I just went through this. I spoke up, and it really backfired on me. Didn't lose my job, just lost the feeling of loving my job.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Gina on 13th July 2008
My previous boss, also an owner of the small company I worked for was just plain mean. I can't tell you how many new people she made cry. she never made sense in her demands and you weren't allowed to ask questions to get it right (or at leaset not without getting chewed out for not understanding). She also lied all the time if she got things wrong-and blamed it on the staff. One outspoken worker actually chewed out this boss in front of a client- because this employee refused to take the blame that wasn't her fault. Our boss even asked us to lie to her husband (who happened to be a cilent) when things with work got screwed up. Needless to say they divorced. She now is still alone (no husband or kids at 50 something). Her best friend is a dog.

The one saving grace I had while working with her was to take notes. Dates, comments, names, etc. Everything I did was recorded in a notebook. Not only did it keep me organized but it saved my butt. One time she tried to blame me for something while meeting with a client. I happened to be passing by and spoke up.
What happened? the other boss and client stuck up for me saying, "i know she's got it right, she takes notes on everything. HA HA. I don't miss her at all.

This is only one of the mean things she did.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Susan on 2nd May 2008
I agree with you Kate! I was just talking to my father in law a few weeks ago, about some similar things. And he too, kept notes, of every wrong act that was committed in that office, and against him. He worked for a very well known company, that everyone uses. Eventually, even though he had moved on in life, and away from that company, the true colors of certain individuals, the higher ups, came out, and they were fired. Good thing that my father in law, had kept accounts of everything that had gone on. He had a notebook, and recorded dates, and times, and conversations. And, although he was not a tattle tell, he did speak up about things that went on, that shouldn't have been going on.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by on 1st May 2008
i dont agree with avoiding HR. if he is bad with EVERYONE you can bet at least one other person has complained. They also have to keep a record - usually they need your permission to tell him that it was you that complained, but i am not sure if that is manditory. I have a friend whose horrific boss basically eventually stripped her of most responsibility and turned most of the office against her. They all figured that as long as she received the negative attention they were safe. She reported every incident to HR, who basically did nothing, so she found a better job and moved on.
Then she found out he was eventually fired along with most of the suckups around him.
Then the Equal Opportunity people called her - there was a case against him and her records were found as further evidence against him and his 'management style' that caused a hostile work environment. They are pulling together a class action suit and she may receive significant compensation.
the point of my long winded story is that no, the immediate response is not always great (if any) but the long term is that you may validate someone else's complaint and help get this guy out of the work force. The right thing to do is to complain to HR so there is a record. And then maybe find a new job and make sure the word gets back that you are uber successful and appreciated elsewhere ;)

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Kate on 1st May 2008
Thanks a lot for all the advice and tips you guys, I really appreciate it! My boss is really known to be difficult to say the very least, I've heard stories but since I do not want trouble for myself, I just try to stay out of the way by being low profile and do my job, lately though it seems like he is always finding fault in everything I do and it is getting in my nerves, I am trying to avoid him as much as I can and I was thinking what kind of stance should I show the next time we meet, like I've said in my question, should I be sugary sweet nice or be serious and assertive, I've always been meek and shy and maybe its a negative trait that I should change.
I am planning to go to the HR but am thinking twice about it because momof2lovelies is right, even though they're supposed to be "Human Resources", I know they'd still side with the company and not with some "lowly employee" like me.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Mia on 30th April 2008
I had to deal with a boss at my last job, whom tried everything in her power, to drive me crazy. She tried to get me fired, tried to make it so that nobody in the office would talk to me, she gave me an unreasonable load of work, so as to prove I could not do my job, but would be sweet as pie to my face, then do things behind my back. I really don't know why she was like that. I did stick up for myself, and I did go to the higher ups, but she always found a way to explain herself, or make me look bad anyways. I did alot of praying, and killing her with kindness, I tried to rude approach too, but, to no avail, I at least still had my job. Until, I married into the military, and decided, I would much rather work for myself, than deal with yet another boss who for some reason wants to make it difficult for me. So here i sit, I am working, as I type this response. It's too easy, and I'm living proof, that there are jobs you can do from home and actually make money, without harassing people. I actually help people. That's pretty much what my job consists of. And I never have to leave my house, unless I want to. What i do, is so much less stressful than the work I did in the office. I had headaches every day. I no longer deal with them, and everyone I talk to on a daily basis, is pleasant.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by on 30th April 2008
I am having such a hard time with this very issue right now. My boss is awful!! She expects us to spend 10 hours a day in our restaurants and then another 1-2 in our offices at home. At least 3 times a month she asks us what we don't understand about our jobs, and asks us why she should continue to allow us to underperform. There are 4 of us in this position. She is our owner/operator, we do not have an HR department. She called me to reprimand me in the middle of my daughter's birthday party this weekend.
I have been looking for another job since October, and unless I'm interested in cutting my salary in half, I'm stuck.
I get through the days by taking a minute to have a pity party and then calling one of my coworkers for a pick me up. She does the same thing to all of us, and we take turns reminding each other that we are good District Managers. I leave her stress in my car on the way to pick up my girls. It took awhile, but I can shut her off and not let her affect my home time (most of the time)

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Niki D on 30th April 2008
It depends on the way in which your boss is difficult. If your boss is bullying you, don't play it nice--you'll be seen as weak and will become a target--nip the offensive behavior in the bud right away. If your boss think's she's the Almighty, speaking up could get you into trouble--best to put concerns in writing. Check out the free tips at BigBadBoss.com (http://www.bigbadboss.com)

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Marilyn_Haight on 29th April 2008
Do: Speak up on things that you disagree with constructively.
Don't: Embarrass or make your boss look stupid.

Do: Think about what you are getting by staying with the team
Don't: Disengage before you can actually move on if that is your plan

Look for another position in the company or maybe outside the company. Or, try to get on a project where you'll have more exposure with another higher-up to offset your immediate boss.

I've found that you'll have more bad bosses than good ones. Sometimes you need to determine if the grass somewhere else is really greener or you just need to add fertilizer to your own lawn.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Michele on 29th April 2008
I would ask myself "why is he/she being so difficult?" is there a reason? Is he/she difficult with just you? because if yes than maybe they are trying to push you out. Follow your gut if you think that is the case then put on a happy face and kill with kindness, and call a head hunter.

Unfortunately, you can't go to HR even though that is what they are 'Suppose" be there for..but trust me I learned the hard way "NOTHING IS CONFIDENTIAL!"

If you do lose your job, remember everything always works out for the best and something better will come along. Pick up the phone and call a head hunter.

Good luck

Flag as inappropriate Posted by on 29th April 2008
I´ve been in this situation. I didn´t last long. :) In my opinion, life is too short to put up with a lousy boss.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Genesis on 29th April 2008
It might be the chicken move, but I would start looking for another job.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by bsazama on 29th April 2008