Member Questions

Ask a question

Who out there was honestly disappointed by their mothers day? I met up with neighbors and they were pretty much snarling at their husbands(me too a little). Do we expect too much on mothers day? Who really sits back and relaxes? For me it was not much different than most days. Except DH made breakfast and decorated the plate (2nd time in 7 yrs).”

22 replies so far...

  • I think for the past 6 years mothers day to me has been such a disappointment. I am a step mom to my daughter and have always treated her as my own. I never felt the appreciation of the things i do for her and my husband on a regular basis. Well i started having my children 5 years ago and still yet every year it has been a disappointment. This year my husband promised me to celebrate saturday as mothers day so we could go to his sisters on sunday and to my disappointment really not much out of the ordinary. Then sunday we still went to his sisters. I dont get it. I dont really ask for much. I just want him to instill in my children how to appreciate their mother and my poor four year old was crying because she didnt have a gift to give to me and her cousins had a gift for their own mother. So I have now realized I have nobody but my husband to blame. It was a darn good thing he did not get anything for his mother! pugbaby83 there are plenty of cards that say mother to be... you are a mother preparing for your bundle! Happy Mothers day. I know its not the same coming from me but still want you to know that you are a mother at conception. Blessings to you

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by bex on 9th May 2011

  • I know it sounds silly, but this made me feel better that I am not alone. My husband and I are 6 months pregnant and he had asked me about what I wanted for mother's day a couple of weeks ago. I was pretty excited b/c this is obviously my first mother's day and I wasn't sure that he would do anything since i'm not officially a mother yet. Anyhow, he led me to believe he was going to get me something small or doing something nice for me. Nope. I got no card... nothing. When I asked him about it he said that I didn't "count" until next year. I left the house crying (pregnancy hormones) and he didn't try to call me to apologize or anything. I cried my whole drive to work this morning and then stopped at Starbuck's to clean up before showing my face at work. Am I crazy for being upset? I didn't expect much. I just feel crushed... :(

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by pugbaby83 on 9th May 2011

  • sunny 14, a year has passed since you wrote, and I hope your mother's day this year was better. I took some comfort from your note.
    I am an immigrant to this country and raised my son mostly on my own. He is now 28 years old. Yesterday was Mothers Day and I waited all day for something, a call, an email, something. As I went about doing my weekend chores with the TV on, the reporters and anchors would wish the audience "Happy Mother's Day" and I would thank them, gratefully, But nothing from my son. I checked my voice mail obsessively, nothing. I went to bed thinking, "he's a busy young man, and he will remember late at night that he hasn't wished me and send me an email, and I'll get it tomorrow. Maybe I'll register my disappointment with a "whatever!"" But this morning, still nothing.
    I have made a lot of personal and professional sacrifices to raise my son into a decent and balanced young man. I know he cares for me and appreciates my work as a mother. Still, I feel a deep sadness, a sense of being invisible, today. I wonder if, in giving my son a strong sense of himself, I did not instill in him a consideration of others. I wonder if boys are hardwired to downplay the emotional foundations of relationships with their mothers. I wonder about myself. I don't like showing my vulnerability, and I wonder if that has led to everyone around me admiring me but taking me for granted.
    Strangers, casual friends wished me a happy mothers day yesterday, but the one person who has a deep and personal knowledge of my efforts as a mother did not acknowledge me. Today I feel like one of those unnamed, unindividualized, unrecognized laborers who built the awesome bridges that connect millions of people to each other, and constructed the magnificent buildings in which thousands of people earn their livlihoods and hundreds of families find the refuge and comfort of home. Today I salute them, and so honor myself. Happy Mothers Day, to me.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by ramo625 on 10th May 2010

  • Maybe we do expect too much. I'm finding myself disappointed today and feel I'm acting silly or just expecting too much. I teach Sunday Sunday (3rd grade) and I spent a lot of time trying to come up with something for the kids to make that would make their mothers feel special. We talked about the things that their moms do and ways that moms make them feel special- tried to get them to think about things that they take for granted. We made decorated jars that had papers folded with little messages that they wrote to their moms and I gave them bible verses to add that were inspiring. When I got home my husband and kids took lunch up to my mother-in-law and spent sometime with her, and then I had my mom and dad out for dinner. It wasn't expensive because we don't have a lot of money right now, but my two teach ages ages 15 and 16 really did nothing special at all for me today. I said to my husband tonight that he is their coach and he should guide them by telling them things they should do or they won't know - because I simply think as teen boys , their very self absorbed. My oldest said happy mothers day this morning, but neither of them helped willingly with anything and then huffed around when I asked them to do something small. I didn't even get a lousy card from either of them, and yes I blame my husband for just about the whole day. last year was similar which is why I even mentioned something to him tonight about coaching them. I feel very unappreciated today and I feel like I'm over reacting, but the tears are just flowing tonight.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by sunny14 on 10th May 2009

  • It was my first mother's day and I threw up first thing in the morning. I was sick. At least I did have a good excuse to get some extra sleep. I was a bit annoyed though when my husband did not hear me call and I did not have the strength to carry our child down the stairs so I could try to get more rest. Nothing special about the day unfortunately.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Shannon on 16th May 2008

  • The first par tof the morning was nice. The reast wasn't so great. I had an audition to go to and couldn't miss because the role had decent pay. My husband had planned a BBQ and told me to let him know when I was leaving so that he could get everything packed up. So I called on my way home. When I finally get home 40 minutes later, he is just sitting on the couch watching TV with the baby in a diaper. Nothing was ready. My mom had been sent to the store to buy food! My mom and i had to pack the cooler and everything else while he refused to get off the couch. Then my husband didn't want to drive to my friends so we bbq'd at our pool. He complained and looked miserable the entire time claiming that he was tired. I played in the pool with my son while he sat there looking miserable. As soon as we got back upstairs, my husband said to me that if we need anything else to get done, not to bother him that he was done for the day. At which point he slunk into the bedroom and closed the door for the next 3 hours. I was pissed!! My mom had even made the comment at some point during the bbq to him that he should be doing everything for that day. But apparently it's too much to ask. My friend and I decided to go to a spa next year and not be with our husbands because its the only way that we will ever be allowed to truly not do anything. At least I got some earrings and a locket out of it.

    On another note, hers was almost worse. As her and her sister in law were preparing all of the food to cook, her twins (yes, twins) got hungry. She called in her husband to feed them so that she could finish preparing the food and he complained to them that he had just started working on his tan and that they interupted him!! Unbelieveable.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by oceans mom on 14th May 2008

  • My goodness! Maybe next year, we should just put up a notice a week ahead of time that we will be completely unavailable on this particular Sunday and we will all take ourselves out for manis, pedis and massages. We can send our loved ones the bill!
    Momof2lovelies-I promise no potted plants!

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Niki D on 14th May 2008

  • I'm so glad to know that I wasn't alone in having a fairly wretched day.

    All I wanted was to sleep in. That's it. I wanted to be free to sleep as late as I wanted. No card. No flowers. Just sleep. No problem, right? Wrong.

    Our son (he's 22 months) spiked a 103 fever Saturday night and ended up cosleeping with us, which he hasn't done in months. He woke us up at around 515 when the Motrin wore off, and was acting a bit loopy from the fever. We re-medicated him, but he was up. My husband tried to get up with him (to his credit) but our son was screaming -- SCREAMING -- for me, so I ended up going downstairs. My husband did make them breakfast, and I managed to sneak back upstairs to sleep for a couple more hours.

    When I got up, though, I realized I was also sick. My husband made our son lunch, and then ... went upstairs and took a nap, leaving me with no lunch and a sick toddler. We watched movies all afternoon.

    When my husband got up from his four-hour nap, we ended up having a big argument ... basically me saying "please look after the baby because I"m too sick to do it" and him saying "but I got up with him". Great. I finally handed him the baby and told them to go out and eat and leave me home alone. Which they did. But I had the joy of hearing my son screaming for me ("mammma, MAAAMMMMMAAAAA") all the way from the porch out into the car. I'll be bearing the weight of guilt for that one for a while, let me tell you.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by anastasiav on 14th May 2008

  • OH WOW!!! I knew I was not alone.

    My mothers day was not AWFUL but it was really just another day.

    I have been thinking about what I hear and continue to say to myself "don't expect and don't get disappointed". Why shouldn't we expect the people we love and the people that love us appreciation by thinking about us??

    Yes, certain things I don't expect and I don't get disappointed. I don't expect to WIN LOTTO tomorrow, I don't expect my daughter to instantly stop her whining, I do not expect my husband to become a clean freak or willingly want to do yard work. Things like that, no I do not get disappointed.

    I do think it should be expected that the people you love appreciate you & vice versa and not JUST by gifts but by THOUGHT.

    I think there are a small handful of men that take time to think about their wives and how they would like their day to be spent. It becomes difficult to please all moms(MIL, MOMS etc) on the same day. I asked the question because it was alarming to me how many people were disappointed when I spoke to them.

    MY MIL passed almost three years ago, so my husband gets a little depressed on Mothers day. He's an only child(in every way) and was raised solely by his mom. I understand his sadness. All day I heard " I really would like to go visit my mothers grave". For a few days I heard this...I would say " I think that's great and you should go". He never went.

    It is my goal to teach my son and daughter to always appreciate and say thank you. Be thoughtful of others. Of course no one is perfect and I am not always on my game but I try really hard to remember things that mean something to someone.

    For seven years I've been tellingl my husband "Please do not go to the florist and by me flowers". I would MUCH RATHER A FRIGGIN MASSAGE certificate. What does he do...he sends me a gardenia plant - one of the most high maintenance plants around. Why does he do is easy.
    I am exhausted, I have a bad back, sleep a little, chase kids, run my website, take care of the house, cook and clean....BUT...thank heavens I can smell the friggin gardenia until I kill it(not intentionally)!

    For years my husband knows I actually enjoy stupid tabloid magazines and some business mags. For three years I have been saying "that makes a nice gift" and I have torn out those little subscription cards. NADA! Again - not the actual gift but the thought that goes into it(JEEZ, it's not like I couldn't help him anymore). Think about the person.

    My DH writes screenplays as a hobby and shot a trailer for one. What did I buy him one year for fathers day...a directors chair with his name on it. This year he is a getting a tree.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by on 14th May 2008

  • I had to drag my husband kicking and screaming to my favorite breakfast spot. He copped an attitude during breakfast and my 9 m/0 pulled his own version (crying, rubbing eyes, sucking thumb). My husband was impatient all day long (sighing, scowling). He DID schedule a massage for me later in the day, which was a nice way to end an otherwise stressful day.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by KC on 14th May 2008

  • OH MY G#*%D!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe it. I was thinking so hard about posting the same question and decided against it b/c I didn't want to sound like a stick in the mud or a cry baby for not getting the things I wanted for Mother's Day when we're supposed to be appreciative for what we get.

    It's sadly comforting to know I'm not the only one who had an anti-climactic Mother's Day. Not that misery loves company, but to know that I didn't suffer alone b/c of the thoughtlessness of the people closest to me who I work so hard for everyday which felt like it went unnoticed is well...sadly comforting.

    This year I made sure to inform the family of my desires to have a thought-filled Mother's Day. I left it open to their creativeness (which I realized now was my first crucial mistake) but told them I wanted them to put something together that showed me how much they noticed and appreciated the stuff I do and the sacrifices I make for them. For the four children I expected that would be alot of homemade cards with lots of crayons and markers. For the hubby, I expected him to work a bit harder this year putting together something original that he hadn't done before and getting the kids in on it. Since he's a computer analyst and electronic geek - I hinted that a picture show with family pics accompanied with music would be great. He didn't catch on. I also expected maybe he'd get me a gift certificate for a massage, mani & pedi. Did he? Not a chance.

    It started Friday when I went to 1st son's school for a Mother's Day celebration inthe pouring rain lugging along the two little ones (who weren't welcomed by the teacher). Things looked up when son #1 read a well thought-out summary that pointed out all the things he loved about me. It brought me to tears and then his class sang songs and read poems for all the Mother's. It was all very touching until son #2 spilled the entire pitcher of iced tea across the desks onto every mother across from us destroying the personalized Mother's Day artwork placed on each child's desk and spilling the tea into the plate of delicious home baked cookies which had to be thrown out. Can you say...embarassing? I wanted to put a blanket over my head and creep out the door w/o anyone seeing us. Not to mention the teachers look who wasn't pleased wtih me bringing the young ones anyway. I cringed! Welcome to the Mother's Day from Hell, I thought. But I tried to laugh it off when I told my husband we made a big splash at the festivities.

    Then it seemed to get better when I got home and there were flowers waiting on my porch from the hubby. I called him and thanked him thinking he had gotten the message and I was in store for a well-planned, thoughtful weekend. Then Sunday morning I woke up and the oldest child asked me to pick my breakfast in bed choices from a homemade menu (as she played garcon, lol) I choose eggs, sausage, toast and coffee. They messed up the breakfast and forgot stuff. Okay.....then here comes the gift still in the plastic bag (not wrapped)! Wow...a T-shirt (too small) and capri's my husband picked out to replace the ones he destroyed the week before by spilling bleach into the washing machine where my dark clothes were. Okay....I say...wincing and smiling half-heartedly for their efforts knowing they just went out the day before and quickly picked these items up with no thought involved! I read the cards on the tray getting more disappointed. Each one lacked sentiment as they obvious were no-brainer, left overs picked over and put back by other family members who knew better than to take these sorry lame cards home to their mothers which anyone could tell would be given to a distant relative b/c they were barren of emotion or sentiment. I was livid by the time I got to my husband's card. It was something I'd give to a friend.

    I didn't let on to my disappointment and we went to church. Afterwards, hubby invites me out to a family chinese buffet-style restaurant we frequent often. Not catching on that I'm slightly disappointed he gives me the choice of lunch or dinner. When I ask him to help me make the decision - he says he would rather be outside mowing the lawn. Okay.....lets go to late lunch. No thought put into this event either. We get inside and hubby makes faux paux #2 the biggest one of the day by bringing up his undying love and honor for his mother (who I hate and am currently in a bitter battle with b/c she said disparaging things about my 2 oldest children who aren't her biological children - see Q & A for more details on this) This makes me very angry when he says, "I will always honor my mother that's why I sent her flowers too! His tone had clearly put me on notice that his love and sentiment for his mother well exceeded that of his for me. Can anyone say insulting? Speaks mounds for the lack of emotion in the flowers, card and gift.

    After his declaration husband quickly changes and rushed out to his beloved yard work making no personal time for me as I sit on the couch and watch "The Great Debaters" waiting for him to finish. Getting hungry I decide to indulge myself if I can't get a little more personalized attention from the family. I leave and treat myself to a little gourmet seafood and chocolate covered strawberries at the local "finer dining" restauranteurs down the street from my house. This makes me feel a little better as I'm still basically ignored by my husband.

    I begrungingly go to dinner and could barely eat. Husband makes no small talk and when we return home he goes to our home office and gets buried in gettting himself prepared for Monday work. He emerges and holds his hand out to signal he's ready for our nightly prayer so he can go to bed.

    Wow, I say to myself as I sit by myself on the couch again watching uh...whatever. What a forgetable Mother's Day that showed me just how much I'm not appreciated by the people I work so hard for every day. (minus the kids...they really did try)

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by caramelsugarberry38 on 13th May 2008

  • I didn´t really enjoy my Mother´s Day. I didn´t expect anything from my husband and my kids are too little to understand, but still, I thought I´d relax a bit, maybe get something for myself like chocolate. ;)

    But, it didn´t end up like that. My husband had to leave at 1 pm for a music gig and he wanted a good lunch before that, so I ended up making steak sandwiches and cleaning the house on top of working. :P The only good thing was that in the evening, my MIL came over and gave me a flower and a scented soap and wished me Happy Mother´s Day. We usually don´t get along, so I thought that was terribly sweet of her!

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Genesis on 13th May 2008