Member Questions

I think for the past 6 years mothers day to me has been such a disappointment. I am a step mom to my daughter and have always treated her as my own. I never felt the appreciation of the things i do for her and my husband on a regular basis. Well i started having my children 5 years ago and still yet every year it has been a disappointment. This year my husband promised me to celebrate saturday as mothers day so we could go to his sisters on sunday and to my disappointment really not much out of the ordinary. Then sunday we still went to his sisters. I dont get it. I dont really ask for much. I just want him to instill in my children how to appreciate their mother and my poor four year old was crying because she didnt have a gift to give to me and her cousins had a gift for their own mother. So I have now realized I have nobody but my husband to blame. It was a darn good thing he did not get anything for his mother! pugbaby83 there are plenty of cards that say mother to be... you are a mother preparing for your bundle! Happy Mothers day. I know its not the same coming from me but still want you to know that you are a mother at conception. Blessings to you

sunny 14, a year has passed since you wrote, and I hope your mother's day this year was better. I took some comfort from your note.
I am an immigrant to this country and raised my son mostly on my own. He is now 28 years old. Yesterday was Mothers Day and I waited all day for something, a call, an email, something. As I went about doing my weekend chores with the TV on, the reporters and anchors would wish the audience "Happy Mother's Day" and I would thank them, gratefully, But nothing from my son. I checked my voice mail obsessively, nothing. I went to bed thinking, "he's a busy young man, and he will remember late at night that he hasn't wished me and send me an email, and I'll get it tomorrow. Maybe I'll register my disappointment with a "whatever!"" But this morning, still nothing.
I have made a lot of personal and professional sacrifices to raise my son into a decent and balanced young man. I know he cares for me and appreciates my work as a mother. Still, I feel a deep sadness, a sense of being invisible, today. I wonder if, in giving my son a strong sense of himself, I did not instill in him a consideration of others. I wonder if boys are hardwired to downplay the emotional foundations of relationships with their mothers. I wonder about myself. I don't like showing my vulnerability, and I wonder if that has led to everyone around me admiring me but taking me for granted.
Strangers, casual friends wished me a happy mothers day yesterday, but the one person who has a deep and personal knowledge of my efforts as a mother did not acknowledge me. Today I feel like one of those unnamed, unindividualized, unrecognized laborers who built the awesome bridges that connect millions of people to each other, and constructed the magnificent buildings in which thousands of people earn their livlihoods and hundreds of families find the refuge and comfort of home. Today I salute them, and so honor myself. Happy Mothers Day, to me.

It was my first mother's day and I threw up first thing in the morning. I was sick. At least I did have a good excuse to get some extra sleep. I was a bit annoyed though when my husband did not hear me call and I did not have the strength to carry our child down the stairs so I could try to get more rest. Nothing special about the day unfortunately.

My goodness! Maybe next year, we should just put up a notice a week ahead of time that we will be completely unavailable on this particular Sunday and we will all take ourselves out for manis, pedis and massages. We can send our loved ones the bill!
Momof2lovelies-I promise no potted plants!

OH WOW!!! I knew I was not alone.

My mothers day was not AWFUL but it was really just another day.

I have been thinking about what I hear and continue to say to myself "don't expect and don't get disappointed". Why shouldn't we expect the people we love and the people that love us..show us appreciation by thinking about us??

Yes, certain things I don't expect and I don't get disappointed. I don't expect to WIN LOTTO tomorrow, I don't expect my daughter to instantly stop her whining, I do not expect my husband to become a clean freak or willingly want to do yard work. Things like that, no I do not get disappointed.

I do think it should be expected that the people you love appreciate you & vice versa and not JUST by gifts but by THOUGHT.

I think there are a small handful of men that take time to think about their wives and how they would like their day to be spent. It becomes difficult to please all moms(MIL, MOMS etc) on the same day. I asked the question because it was alarming to me how many people were disappointed when I spoke to them.

MY MIL passed almost three years ago, so my husband gets a little depressed on Mothers day. He's an only child(in every way) and was raised solely by his mom. I understand his sadness. All day I heard " I really would like to go visit my mothers grave". For a few days I heard this...I would say " I think that's great and you should go". He never went.

It is my goal to teach my son and daughter to always appreciate and say thank you. Be thoughtful of others. Of course no one is perfect and I am not always on my game but I try really hard to remember things that mean something to someone.

For seven years I've been tellingl my husband "Please do not go to the florist and by me flowers". I would MUCH RATHER A FRIGGIN MASSAGE certificate. What does he do...he sends me a gardenia plant - one of the most high maintenance plants around. Why does he do this...it is easy.
I am exhausted, I have a bad back, sleep a little, chase kids, run my website, take care of the house, cook and clean....BUT...thank heavens I can smell the friggin gardenia until I kill it(not intentionally)!

For years my husband knows I actually enjoy stupid tabloid magazines and some business mags. For three years I have been saying "that makes a nice gift" and I have torn out those little subscription cards. NADA! Again - not the actual gift but the thought that goes into it(JEEZ, it's not like I couldn't help him anymore). Think about the person.

My DH writes screenplays as a hobby and shot a trailer for one. What did I buy him one year for fathers day...a directors chair with his name on it. This year he is a getting a tree.

OH MY G#*%D!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe it. I was thinking so hard about posting the same question and decided against it b/c I didn't want to sound like a stick in the mud or a cry baby for not getting the things I wanted for Mother's Day when we're supposed to be appreciative for what we get.

It's sadly comforting to know I'm not the only one who had an anti-climactic Mother's Day. Not that misery loves company, but to know that I didn't suffer alone b/c of the thoughtlessness of the people closest to me who I work so hard for everyday which felt like it went unnoticed is well...sadly comforting.

This year I made sure to inform the family of my desires to have a thought-filled Mother's Day. I left it open to their creativeness (which I realized now was my first crucial mistake) but told them I wanted them to put something together that showed me how much they noticed and appreciated the stuff I do and the sacrifices I make for them. For the four children I expected that would be alot of homemade cards with lots of crayons and markers. For the hubby, I expected him to work a bit harder this year putting together something original that he hadn't done before and getting the kids in on it. Since he's a computer analyst and electronic geek - I hinted that a picture show with family pics accompanied with music would be great. He didn't catch on. I also expected maybe he'd get me a gift certificate for a massage, mani & pedi. Did he? Not a chance.

It started Friday when I went to 1st son's school for a Mother's Day celebration inthe pouring rain lugging along the two little ones (who weren't welcomed by the teacher). Things looked up when son #1 read a well thought-out summary that pointed out all the things he loved about me. It brought me to tears and then his class sang songs and read poems for all the Mother's. It was all very touching until son #2 spilled the entire pitcher of iced tea across the desks onto every mother across from us destroying the personalized Mother's Day artwork placed on each child's desk and spilling the tea into the plate of delicious home baked cookies which had to be thrown out. Can you say...embarassing? I wanted to put a blanket over my head and creep out the door w/o anyone seeing us. Not to mention the teachers look who wasn't pleased wtih me bringing the young ones anyway. I cringed! Welcome to the Mother's Day from Hell, I thought. But I tried to laugh it off when I told my husband we made a big splash at the festivities.

Then it seemed to get better when I got home and there were flowers waiting on my porch from the hubby. I called him and thanked him thinking he had gotten the message and I was in store for a well-planned, thoughtful weekend. Then Sunday morning I woke up and the oldest child asked me to pick my breakfast in bed choices from a homemade menu (as she played garcon, lol) I choose eggs, sausage, toast and coffee. They messed up the breakfast and forgot stuff. Okay.....then here comes the gift still in the plastic bag (not wrapped)! Wow...a T-shirt (too small) and capri's my husband picked out to replace the ones he destroyed the week before by spilling bleach into the washing machine where my dark clothes were. Okay....I say...wincing and smiling half-heartedly for their efforts knowing they just went out the day before and quickly picked these items up with no thought involved! I read the cards on the tray getting more disappointed. Each one lacked sentiment as they obvious were no-brainer, left overs picked over and put back by other family members who knew better than to take these sorry lame cards home to their mothers which anyone could tell would be given to a distant relative b/c they were barren of emotion or sentiment. I was livid by the time I got to my husband's card. It was something I'd give to a friend.

I didn't let on to my disappointment and we went to church. Afterwards, hubby invites me out to a family chinese buffet-style restaurant we frequent often. Not catching on that I'm slightly disappointed he gives me the choice of lunch or dinner. When I ask him to help me make the decision - he says he would rather be outside mowing the lawn. Okay.....lets go to late lunch. No thought put into this event either. We get inside and hubby makes faux paux #2 the biggest one of the day by bringing up his undying love and honor for his mother (who I hate and am currently in a bitter battle with b/c she said disparaging things about my 2 oldest children who aren't her biological children - see Q & A for more details on this) This makes me very angry when he says, "I will always honor my mother that's why I sent her flowers too! His tone had clearly put me on notice that his love and sentiment for his mother well exceeded that of his for me. Can anyone say insulting? Speaks mounds for the lack of emotion in the flowers, card and gift.

After his declaration husband quickly changes and rushed out to his beloved yard work making no personal time for me as I sit on the couch and watch "The Great Debaters" waiting for him to finish. Getting hungry I decide to indulge myself if I can't get a little more personalized attention from the family. I leave and treat myself to a little gourmet seafood and chocolate covered strawberries at the local "finer dining" restauranteurs down the street from my house. This makes me feel a little better as I'm still basically ignored by my husband.

I begrungingly go to dinner and could barely eat. Husband makes no small talk and when we return home he goes to our home office and gets buried in gettting himself prepared for Monday work. He emerges and holds his hand out to signal he's ready for our nightly prayer so he can go to bed.

Wow, I say to myself as I sit by myself on the couch again watching uh...whatever. What a forgetable Mother's Day that showed me just how much I'm not appreciated by the people I work so hard for every day. (minus the kids...they really did try)