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Is anyone else torn between working and staying home? I work so that I can provide my son with opportunities that wouldn't be there if I stayed home (ie vacations, summer camp, college savings, etc). However, I don't like going to work or what I do (I'm a tax attorney). I see though that alot of stay home women in my local mother's club don't like being home and prefer not to interact with their kids. I don't have much in common with these women and have not had the best luck in trying to make friends with them. Does anyone else feel torn between these two worlds? Or trapped in one? I am thinking about changing careers ( I would definately make less money) or being a stay home mom. However, my husband thinks I would be foolish to leave my job. I work 8-4, my boss is nice, I don't have unnecessary stress at work and I make a very good salary. Am I fool?”

6 replies so far...

  • Definitely not a fool... I think most want the best of both worlds. I have 3 boys and remember feeling exactly as you do. I would not be a good "stay at home mom". I need to have something going and am very career driven. But, I wanted the have complete flexibility with my family. I started my own business on the side and once I could quit my job... I did. Nothing changed for us financially and I'm available to my kids 24/7. So... you can find the balance between worlds. Sometimes, you just have to be willing to go for it!

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Kim King on 10th September 2012

  • I, too, found this site because i am having a hard time dealing with working full time. I have a seven month old son who is so amazing to be with and watch and play. I work 40 hours a week as a pharmacy technician for walgreens. I love what i do and work for a very nice boss who has come to be a really close friend. I get paid well enoug for our lifestyle and get health insurance for my family. It has been hard settling back into work. My brain and heart are always wondering what i am missing at home. And for what it's worth i can't focus on work for very long because i pump 3 times while at work. Don't get me wrong, i love to pump for my baby but it is a task. I know i have to keep my job for the money and especially the insurance. I am thinking of asking my husband if we can afford for me to work only four days a week or six hour days. That we give me more time to run errands, work out to lose baby blub, and raise our son. I don't feel guilty about working though. If i didn't work we would have no insurance and less money. I am so fortunate to have family watching him so i don't have to pay anyone for that. If i did, i might rethink the whole thing.
    ** for you, do what you make peace in your heart and family. Take a step back and think of work as a mini vacation from babyland. Go to work, do your thing, and come home. I find some stay at home moms don't seem to appreciate their kids as much as working moms. you sound like your heart is in the right place. Don't let the money stress you out. You'll make it and enjoy your kids and husband all the more. Hope this helps :)

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by mellynoma on 19th July 2012

  • I just went through this same thing. I have always worked and dont like the idea of being "trapped" or not doing well financially. For the past several years I have also been out earning my husband. This year I became so miserable that neither one of us could take my misery anymore. With us both working, our weekends have become a two day marathon of getting chores done and its so overwhelming that many additional things that need to get done have just sat there undone for a year. We both felt like we were on a chaotic wheel that was spinning so quickly and we have no time to enjoy anything. I was always in a bad mood, exhausted, and just in a constant state of panic trying to get things done. We planned out our finances and then decided I would put in notice. I think that you have to follow your heart - although you have to also be practical. If the finances dont work, maybe you can just cut back your hours to part time.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by oceans mom on 16th July 2012

  • Have you ever considered working from home. To me it is the best of both worlds I get to be with my two teenage daughters and run a business at the same time. I know I would never be happy just staying at home nor would I be happy if I had to spend all week working at a job and missing out on my girls growing up. My business is something for me. It is my way to contribute to the household income and be more than just a wife and mother. Hope this helps.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Sandy on 10th June 2012

  • I understand your dilemma. I've worked full-time while raising both my sons. Now that they're teenagers, I would rather be at home because I want to be more involved. Like you, my husband tells me I should keep working. On the other hand, he's told me he'd like me to stay home, but worries about financial security. At this point in my life, I doubt I will ever have the opportunity to be a stay-at-home Mom. Would it be possible for you to take a leave of absence prior to jumping ship? At least that way you'd get a taste of the different lifestyle before you make a final decision.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Corinne on 9th June 2012

  • I recently found this website because I am searching for some moms to talk with. I am indeed torn between two worlds and can't seem to be satisfied completely in either one. That sounds so bad, but I was home for 8 years with my children. I worked for one year after my first was born and then took time off from full time work to be home most of the time with a part time church job that allowed me to work from home. I had 2 more children. Long story short, when the economy took a downturn I started looking for a job because my husband's business could no longer sustain us. The last two years at home with my children, I really wasn't there. I was job hunting and worrying all the time about how we would make ends meet. I finally gave up looking and a job just fell in my lap. It was a job teaching school again (which is what I did when I first got out of college, but changed careers 6 years before I stayed home). I had lost so many years on the teaching scale and knew I probably wouldn't be satisfied doing that for very long, so I went back to meeting planning at the same office where I worked when I quit to stay home. From all perspectives I don't know what the answer is. Working from home is hard because you are juggling kids and work, staying home is hard because it's not mentally challenging (however, I wouldn't trade those years I had for anything, they were mostly great), and working full time away from home is hard because I miss my little 4 year old and feel sad that I can't be with all my children as much as I'd like. The flip side of that is that financial stress can make it almost impossible to be home and happy, so off to work I go. There are many refreshing things about going back to work, but I really wish I could have been home until my youngest went to school. I think coming to terms with going back would have been easier, but so it goes. It didn't work out that way. As I continue to adjust to being at work full time and being a mom, I think I am quickly coming to the conclusion that there really is no ideal. That said, it sounds like your job is a good one and doesn't require you to think much about it when you aren't at work. That is a wonderful thing. That means that you can throw yourself fully into your family during your time at home. If you need more flexibiltiy it can't hurt to ask. I surely wouldn't throw the baby out with the bath water and ditch it for something that is an unknown. As for me I worry a lot about my job when I'm not at work these days because I work with a very negative boss who is completely consumed with work and begrudges anyone who is not. I am working really hard on putting that into perspective so it doesn't take precious time and thought away from my kids and husband. Good luck with your decision. Go with your heart. It may be that you need a break from work, but like I said your employer may agree to some flexibility. God bless.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Lis on 3rd May 2012