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Do you have working mother guilt often or do you give yourself a break?”

8 replies so far...

  • My daughter is two years old and was with family when I worked part-time as a teacher so I didn't feel as guilty b/c my daughter was with her father and grandmother BUT, this is the first year that I am leaving her in a day care and with a babysitter and I am depressed and guilty. I have to work full-time.I think it is different for everyone and in some ways there is always going to be something you wish you could do better. I would love to have the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom but financially I can not do it. My husband has been unemployed for 6 months as he worked free-lance before but with this economy its been really hard. I am a teacher and have been blessed to be home with my daughter for 3 months a sumemr but I feel so much guilt as she has no idea what is going to happen to her and that she will no longer be with her family for 6 hours a day. I think you have to remind yourself your doing what you can to do the best for your kid and there are no other options. I am trying not to beat myself up but its hard. I also think its the quality of time spent and not the quantity....

    Are there any first time moms who are also going through this too? I would love to hear your thoughts as well as veteran moms who have already gone through this. Thanks.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by bellasmom on 23rd August 2009

  • yes, asbolutely, all the time. I am a full time working-mom with a job that is quite demanding. I no longer go to several day conferences so that I never have to be away from my son. I just got a hair cut for the first time since he was born last week-end and I arranged to have it be during his nap so that I would not miss a minute of the free time I have to be with him. And what frustrates me more than anything is all this never ending advice to "take care of yourself" and make time for yourself. I spend about 3-4 hours with my son per day during the week and then I have two days in the week-end to be with him. Of course I WANT to be with could I not? And I'm not going to enjoy taking time for myself when I know I have so little time to be with him. He will soon be grown and the time will be gone and nothing will ever make up for it.
    Frustrating also are the comparison with guilt-free husbands...well guess what, we don't have the same hormones, we're not wired the same. They don't breastfeed, don't have oxytocin levels as we do that promote bonding...of course they're guilt-free!!!! And they don't have to deal with cultural models where they're expected to be everything.
    So YES, I feel guitly for not spending enough time with my son and that's normal and I don't see how else it could be. And I wish that once in a while someone would tell me that they understand and that I should not force something that is unnatural and that if I want to spend all of my time with my baby, that's great and that's the way it should be because he's by far more important than anything else that I can come up with.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by roudoudoumama on 16th October 2008

  • I've been a mom for 10 years now and in that decade I've learned that everyone has mommy guilt. If you are a working mom you have guilt about not being more av available to the kids; if you are a stay at home mom you have guilt for not being able to provide the luxuries that other families provide their kids. What I've learned to do is just recognize it and move on. I don't know one mom who doesn't suffer from some form of mommy guilt. However, I know plenty of moms whom I think have made big mistakes because they let it control their lives and the way they parent.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by ARFamilyFun on 19th May 2008

  • Even while working at home I'm feeling guilty about not getting enough done. I want to spend time with my son, but I also need to get some work done to pay the bills. But the housework is waiting, too. And my poor husband patiently waits for a bit of attention, too. I don't know how to balance it all where everyone's happy.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by lolagoetz on 19th May 2008

  • I also feel inadequate and guilty at times. I never feel like I have enough time after work to spend time with my son, cook a nutritious dinner, and keep a clean house. I feel guilty because sometimes I'm tired and impatient with my son when I get off work, and then at the end of the day after he's in bed, I always beat myself up thinking that I could have done more with him. But on the other hand, I know he loves mommy more than anyone else, he's super smart, polite, compassionate, and he always gives me the best hugs and kisses, so I guess I'm doing something right!

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by picturehappymommy on 18th May 2008

  • I felt more guilty when they were infants.
    I went back to work when they each were 4 months.
    Then worked 4 days a week for the first year.
    Now that they are about 3 & 5, I can see how wonderful they are and how much they love me, and I dont feel guilty.
    Only when I need to work late and cant tuck them in.
    That is a big guilt trip.
    Not singing them to sleep or reading books each night.
    Only happens once in a while.
    I do feel like the other post.
    That no matter what i do it is never enough or should be better.
    Its very tough after working, then spending precious hours with the kids, to then do chores around the house. Hubby and I eat around 9p each night.
    I have not been in touch with my friends because of lack of time.
    And Lylah-
    Yes, seems eveyone IS managing just fine, but they are NOT.
    things arent always what they seem.
    dont be to hard on yourself.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by DebR on 17th May 2008

  • Surprisingly, I have less guilt about working than when I did when I wasnt working outside the home.
    I feel confident that I am doing everything I possibly can for my kids.
    Guilt aside, I wish my house was cleaner.
    I wish I had more me time.
    I wish I could have gone to my 10 year olds PTA program last night.
    But guilty, no. Just human.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by MAC on 16th May 2008

  • I feel it nearly every single night. Not about what I AM doing, but about what I'm not doing. I'm not on top of the laundry or the cleaning. I should be cooking more the night before. I should be organizing our bills and paperwork instead of stacking them in heaps on my desk and around my file cabinets. I should be better at everything. I'm doing the best that I can, but some days it doesn't seem good enough -- for me. Everyone else seems to think I'm managing just fine!

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Lylah M. Alphonse on 16th May 2008