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How can I stop arguing with my husband? I need him to get a part-time job to pay some of the bills because although I am the full bread winner, I don't make enough to get the credit debt down and pay extra stuff. We argue because he is a second language speaker and has a skill but he is so slow about applying anywhere...”

5 replies so far...

  • I am the bread winner in my family. A family that is now one less. See we almost lost everything; and still could, because my husband REFUSED to go to work. When we got a letter from our landlord that we would be evicted if we did not pay 1500.00 in back rent; money I had given my husband to pay the rent with; I told him he needed to get a job before we lost everything.

    Instead of being a man he got angry, violently angry and threw me to the floor, with our 3yr old daughter in my arms threatening to kill me because if I didn't like it that he wouldn't work tough. I managed to get my child and I away from him when she started to scream he realized she got hurt and backed off enough for us to get away. Needless to say that is why we are one less as a family.

    Show this to your husband and explaine you do not want things going this badly. Men who do not want to work, or to help when things get bad are extremely immature and still need mommy and think you are susposed to mommy them.

    Best of luck
    Martha in Laconia

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Martha on 22nd July 2008

  • You are not going to stop arguing with him until he gets a job. Unfortunately, the ladies are right! Some men need the woman to be thre firecracker to make them move it! You will beceome resentful over time and it may destroy your marriage. Lay down the law, give him a time line to get crackin!
    Ask him if it makes him feel good to see you so upset? Ask him how he feels knowing that you may potentially need to get a second job? Tell him needs to PARTNER with you and there's no choice whether or not he will become that for you...he NEEDS TO!

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by on 4th July 2008

  • And therein lies the problem. Because they KNOW you'll do it for them, their attitude is "why should I? You can do it." That causes a vicious circle.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by JKLD on 3rd July 2008

  • You can't really force anyone to do anything. That includes spouses. I'd suggest looking for a part-time job for yourself if it is important to you to pay down the debt. I'm assuming he is currently home with the kid(s) full-time. Let him continue to do that and you continue to earn they paycheck(s) to support the family.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by KathyHowe on 3rd July 2008

  • Okay, here is what I have done and maybe it will work. My husband would not have his good job now if it wasn't for me! I looked online for him and sent him all of the jobs that were for him. I stood over him while he sent out his resume and cover letter. Now he has a better job than I do. He would have never even looked on his own and he admits it. I was also married when I was very young to someone else, same thing. He did not "feel" like sending in his resume although he was jobless and smart. I sent it in. He was the last person called for an interview and was hired. He has now moved up to the position that he has always wanted with that company and is making lots of money. It's a sad but true fact that many men don't do anything unless you do it for them!

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by oceans mom on 3rd July 2008