Member Questions

I would have to say that no-one is prepared for what life has to offer. There is no real book or teacher to help you learn the tactics of being a mother. As a mother of 4 girls, 2 of which are twins, The most important thing to have in life is support from a husband, family member or friends, all of which I never had. But we are all considered "super-moms", we are there through the good and the bad and we ARE expected to keep on going through the eyes of our children, and WE ARE, the love and bond we share is never to be compared to anything in this world!!!!

I will say this: I feel as though I grieve for the fact that the first couple of years. They were so difficult that I cannot look back at them with pleasure, and I admit that was one of those fantasies I was looking forward to: lots of those wonderful bonding moments with a precious little baby. That's what I grieve: a grieve the loss of something that I had looked forward to so much. But the reality was, it was difficult with his colic and trouble sleeping, and I was so incredibly sleep deprived and my heart torn into shreds from all that agonizing crying (on his part, and as a result, on my part sometimes). So of what I *do* remember those first two years, they were mostly unpleasant memories and it made it hard to bond too. I'm not one of those people who can brush that aside now that their child is older and easier to deal with. And he is: he's a wonderful boy, I love him with a capital L. But I still have that battle-scarred feeling, especially when I think back about those first few years.

It wasn`t necessarily disappointing, but I was SO not prepared for the ups and downs of being a mom. All that sleep deprivation, the intense worry as you fumble your way through those first weeks, certain that you are doing everything wrong and your baby is going to grow up warped and twisted. :P

My first son was born with a birth defect and had to have surgery. He didn`t come home until he was 8 days old and then it was with a colostomy . . . which looked horrible and freaked me out. I was sure they`d made a terrible mistake when they said we could take him home . . . "Are you sure? I`m not going to accidentally kill him? What if he bleeds? What if . . . I have no flipping CLUE what to do with him!" And the sleep deprivation is something that I still struggle with since neither of my boys sleeps through the night (they are 2.5 and 1.5 now). The whole day in and day out, non-stop job of being a mom is HARD. You don`t get a break. I`ve never been away from my kids for more than a few hours because my inlaws won`t watch them for long. And sometimes I really just want to run away and join the circus, I`m sure it would be saner than my house some days! :)

But . . . then there are the sticky, spontaneous little boy kisses and the cute grins and my two year old chattering away about his day. And lately he`s been super polite and every time I give him something to eat he says to me, "Oh wow, thanks, Mama. This is SO delicious!" And he thanks me when I change his diaper and tells me how great it feels to be dry. It totally makes up for the fact that he`s not sleeping through the night or even remotely interested in using the potty.

And, as for turning your kid into a monster because you cry and flip out sometimes? I think it actually teaches them compassion. Not that it`s a good thing, but my kids are doing great, even though we were sure they`d be the unhappiest kids around because we had no idea what we were doing!

Good question. I don't think I was ever prepared for the overwhelming feeling of it ALL. My son's birth changed me in so many ways and my daughters just made it all complete.

My son being born sick put a jolt in my life and put Soooooooooo much into perspective. The sleep deprivation, spit up, colic, acid reflux paled in comparison to him being wheeled away for surgery.
I never thought in a million years I would leave the hospital with out my baby but I did. Spending time in the NICU, I realized how much we take for granted in life.

Today he is a thriving little 4 yr old boy.

I was never prepared for the "crazy love" I would feel. Sure there are times I want to pull my hair out and I am still sleep deprived because being a mom, wife and career woman is harder than I ever thought it would be but I WOULD NOT GIVE IT UP FOR ANYTHING.

Sometimes women are shocked with the fact that the "bond" is not happening as it was "suppose" to and when it was suppose to. Good for your friend for acknowledging it and saying it "out loud" but tell her the best is yet to come.

Tonight was my 7 year wedding anniversary and boy oh boy(I am wiping the sweat off my forehead now) WHEW! That's another topic for "Is marriage what you thought it would be?" LOL LOL LOL, Oh boy I am off my chair hysterical.

O.K. seriously though, I never knew kids would effect the way they have. I am completely in awe of them and love them to bits.

Tonight as I was putting my son to sleep he turned to me and said "Mom, you are the best mom in the whole world and I am going to buy you a present for your day today, I want to buy you the prettiest neck-a-lace(the way he says it) and earings...and a ring for your finger...would you like that?"

I said "Of course I would love that but what I love most is that you thought about it and that's gift enough for me".
He said "Mom, where would I buy something like that for you?"
I said "Oh, one of the stores in the mall but I bet Target has some really cool things".
He said "Oh, I am going to go with my dad because I really love you soooooooooo much".
I said "Thank you sooooo much, you are my best boy in the whole world".
Then it was snuggles.

I could just eat him up he is just YUM!!! So tell your friend all this is new and things will get better than she ever expected just in a different way.

Being a mom has turned out 1000000 times harder than I ever thought. Maybe like JD Affron said, I thought I could handle it all, work, mom, family parts, and do it all perfectly. It took a while to realize that is not possible. I've become a lot more accepting of a dirty floor, undone dishes, going to the gym a lot less than I'd like, sleeping a lot less than I need, etc. It's still not easy, but I've never been disappointed. The little moments in complete and utter joy I get from being with my daughter erase sleepless nights and stress:)