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Does the working mommy guilt ever go away? Does it get any easier when you have your second? I would love to have another child but letting go of my first was so unbelievable difficult. I've convinced my husband that we have to have enough money saved so that I can take an extra, extra long maternity leave. I fear that we won't be able to have enough saved until I'm too old to confidently get pregnant again. By that I mean I'd like to have my kids close in age and I don't want to be too old. ”

Asked by Mrs.T on 12th October 2008 | 12 replies

12 replies so far...

No, the guilt never goes away. It gets harder when they have activities after school that you can't get them to. It's a constant problem. I can't help in my daughter's Kindergarten class centers - I'm sure every other mom will do it. I'm taking off work to be at her class halloween party, but they invited everyone to come to a class Thanksgiving feast which I can't go to. It's hard - but I wouldn't let it stop you from having another. I think that it helps for them to have each other when you're at work. We never go out on the weekends without the kids. I feel that I make up for it a little then.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Pam on 28th October 2008
Look I think I'd go crazy if I didn't have the mental stimulation & feeling of economic security that having a paying job gives me. And I know this is just me, not something to apply to everyone. But I set boundaries, and when I walk out the door from my day job I go through a transition to my 'Mom' job (I have to make a travel mug of tea - essential!). Be in the present - pay attention to being at home when you are there & work when you are there. Worrying about what's going on seems to sap my energy so much - that I think that is what keeps you from being present for your kids and spirals into more worry & guilt. And less being there which is the important part. It was hard for me to get my head around doing this, but it works for me.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by WhichCarWitch on 25th October 2008
The guilt is different for each person, as you can see from the posts.
We cant tell eachother HOW or WHAT to feel.
I will say that you can not schedule mother nature.
If you want another child, start trying now. You never know how long it will take.

I was in my mid thirties and had one then the other right away since we knew we wanted two. They are 18 months apart, and best friends. It is the best thing we ever did. Having 2 kids for us works perfectly.

I work full time and hope one day that will change into part time. For me, this is what works best for the family now.
dont worry about the guilt that you may or may not have.
Enjoy your child and the experience of it all.
go for it!!
NOW!

good luck

Flag as inappropriate Posted by DebR on 16th October 2008
This is SO ridiculous...

I ask again - do any of your husbands feel guilty about leaving the children to go to work?

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Uhura on 15th October 2008
I agree with Uhura. Recently I was asked if I felt guilty for working two jobs ( I have 4 kids... all in school). I was completely offended. If I were a working Dad with two jobs I would be applauded for being a good provider. We all know it's true. If I didn't work two jobs I'd be shacked up in some section 8 housing with no phone, not enough food to go around, and forget about new shoes for school or anything else. Besides, who has time to stop and feel guilty?

Flag as inappropriate Posted by gsajenn on 13th October 2008
No the working mommy guilt doesn't go away it turns into working grandma guilt!!! :o(

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Lynn Phelps on 13th October 2008
No the working mommy guilt doesn't go away it turns into working grandma guilt!!! :o(

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Lynn Phelps on 13th October 2008
Honestly, I'm not sure ANYTHING is easier when you have a second kid! But you shouldn't feel guilty, let alone more guilty, for working. It's hard, yes, but you are doing what you have to do to provide for your child(ren). If you're worried about money while on maternity leave, it may be worth exploring some work-from-home options -- Work It, Mom! has a great Essentials Guide to Working from Home -- so you can still draw an income while you're away from your "regular" job. It could help you maximize your time with your kids while minimizing the impact on your wallet.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Lylah M. Alphonse on 13th October 2008
Going to work is important. It's a way to provide food, shelter and other necessities. As long as you leave your children in a good warm place in good hands, what's there to worry about?
Another thing is, whatever is meant to be will happen no matter what you do or no matter how much you worry, feel guilty or whatever.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by on 13th October 2008
I'm sorry but I find this to be very amusing.

I want to know: Does your husband feel guilty about leaving your child and going to work?

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Uhura on 12th October 2008
oh and about guilt. I try to think more like my husband. I think more rationally and with my head rather then emotions and that helps fight the guilt and get rid of it.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by on 12th October 2008
This guilt thing is different for everyone. I never felt guilt until I started visiting mommy websites and reading mommy magazines. Once I saw so many people talk about guilt, I started feeling it too. Some moms experience no guilt. I think I started to experience more guilt after the second child. But I am more easy going now that I have two kids. I take a more easy approach to raising children. I don't expect everything to be perfect. Or fuss too much and parents of only one child tend to do.
As far as saving, I think you will keep making adjustments as you go along. Since you are concerned about age, I'd say having the kid sooner then later because it gets more risky and that may cost more.

There is no right or wrong answer, but I hope my answer was helpful and not more confusing.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by on 12th October 2008